Unmarried couple staying at my house

by suavojr 20 Replies latest jw friends

  • suavojr

    Hello everyone,

    I need your help with this topic. I’m trying to find an elder’s letter or WT article that frown upon a good standing JW allowing an unmarried couple to stay over their house for the night.

    My wife claims this is a conscience matter and I say that’s BS, this leadership does not allow it. Would like to find this info.

  • carla

    All I know as a ubm is there is no way in hell my jw would allow such a thing! (mine joined up later in life and I have never been and never will be a jw) My jw has enforced the not married thing in our house a number of times and would elsewhere if he had the say so but unfortunately for him I have the ultimate say so in a few situations. Sorry, but if a couple has been together for well over 20 years but without the paperwork it makes no nevermind to me. They were more faithful than many I have known who claim to be uber faithful what ever that 'faith' may be.

    I think your wife is confused. no offense intended.

  • Smiles

    If an unmarries couple spent a night together "under improper circumstances" then JW elders would investigate and possibly form a tribunal for judicial discipline.

    Alone together overnight in the same bed, same room, same car, same tent would be "improper circumstances" according to WT.

    If you knowing allowed an unmarried/engaged couple (JW or not) to overnight in your home alone together in the same bed or in same room, even if you or other people are also present overnight elsewhere in the home, I have known that scenerio to draw investigative attention from JW elders... but only if it becomes known.

    If you need other WT references we can get them for you.

  • Atlantis


    12 Shocking as it is, even some who have been prominent in Jehovah’s organization have succumbed to immoral practices, including homosexuality, wife swapping, and child molesting. It is to be noted, also, that during the past year, 36,638 individuals had to be disfellowshipped from the Christian congregation, the greater number of them for practicing immorality. Jehovah’s organization must be kept clean! (1 Corinthians 5:9-13) This is a time for congregation elders, ministerial servants, and indeed all our brothers and sisters to avoid any circumstances that could lead to immorality. Loyalty to Jehovah’s standards will be rewarded, as Psalm 97:10 states: “O you lovers of Jehovah, hate what is bad. He is guarding the souls of his loyal ones; out of the hand of the wicked ones he delivers them.”

    If the couple staying in your home are sleeping in separate rooms, there should be no problem. But the minute they sleep together in an unmarried condition, then they would be judged as committing immorality. And if you are aware of this and "allow" it in your home, then you are "sharing" in their sin.
    Then the elders would have a field day with you in the back room. It would depend on your body of elders what punishment they would dish out. That is, if you are a JW.

    Remember, it says to "avoid circumstances that could lead to immorality"!

    Scan: Click image to enlarge.https://postimg.cc/N26KhgfH


  • Smiles

    And this:

    w18 July p. 32


    Questions From Readers

    If an unmarried couple spend the night together under improper circumstances, would that constitute a sin meriting judicial action?

    Image - (Two cars parked outside a residence at night)

    Yes, if there are no extenuating circumstances, a judicial committee would be formed on the basis of strong circumstantial evidence of sexual immorality.​—1 Cor. 6:18.

    The body of elders carefully evaluates each situation to determine whether a judicial committee is warranted. For example: Have the couple been pursuing a romantic relationship? Have they been previously counseled regarding their conduct with each other? What circumstances led to their spending the night together? Did they plan ahead to do so? Did they have a choice in the matter, or were there extenuating circumstances, perhaps an unforeseen occurrence or genuine emergency that left them with no choice but to spend the night together? (Eccl. 9:11) What were the sleeping arrangements? Since each situation is different, there may be other relevant factors that the elders will consider.

    After the facts are established, the body of elders will determine whether the couple’s conduct warrants judicial action.

  • Atlantis


    Your quote is even better than mine! Excellent work!


  • FFGhost

    I think what the OP is asking is, what are the consequences for a JW who knowingly permits, as houseguests, an unmarried couple (not JW) to stay overnight in their (the JW’s) home.

    There’s a whole section on this in the elders manual, chapter 12 (particularly 12:66-69). That publication is available on dozens of websites so I won’t post links here. But here is the outline:

    — If the elders find out about it, they’re supposed to “counsel” the JWs who are allowing apparent “fornication” in their home

    — Hopefully, the JWs respond and kick out the fornicating couple

    — If the JWs “brazenly” defy the elders and allow the formicating couple to remain as houseguests, they (the JWs) would be subject to a “marking talk” and lose any “privileges of service” they may have

    — If the JWs go a step farther and “promote immortality” by talking about their situation to others in the congregation, they could be subject to a judicial committee for “causing divisions”

    — A (grudging) exception is made for special cases, such as elderly JW parents allowing a non-JW son/ daughter + unmarried partner to stay in the home. But even in that case, the elderly JW parents would be subject to “review” of any “privileges of service”.

    Hope that helps.

  • BluesBrother

    Shepherd The Flock, chapter 12

    67. If a publisher were to allow an individual to commit sexual im- morality while living in the publisher’s home, he would be giving tacit approval to immoral conduct. This would also be true of al- lowing an individual to commit sexual immorality while visiting the publisher’s home. Such a publisher would not be exemplary.

    68. When congregation elders come to know of such a situation, they should patiently provide Scriptural counsel...”

    Definitely a case for being ushered into the back room and black mark on the publisher...although it only gets to a JC if she “brazenly continues”


  • dozy

    This situation is pretty common. Policing it is a challenge - depends on the elders and the nosiness / gossip of the congregation and the person concerned and their standing in the congregation. An elder in my own congregation often had his (non-JW) daughter stay with her long term boyfriend in their house but he basically told anyone who enquired to mind their own business as far as the sleeping arrangements were concerned.

  • solomon

    The way I understand the OP is this couple would be staying for one night only.

    The chances are zero to none that they’d be doing the nasty in someone else’s bed as a guest.

    The watchtower organization has too much time on their hands and obviously think that couples have a lot more sex than they actually do.

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