Getting Married to a Non-JW

by LaurenM 13 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • DesirousOfChange

    You're a baptized JW (like it or not). He's a "worldly unbeliever". You will be "unevenly yoked". (WT jargon). Your Elder father will lose his position if he attends a wedding where a JW (you) becomes "unevenly yoked" to a "worldly unbeliever".

    There it is. That's the way it is.

    You and he should head for Vegas or the Caribbean and just get hooked and come home all smiles. Once you are married, it is "Holy Matrimony" and "what God has yoked......let no man....."etc. Until the "I DOs" are all done, you'll be harassed for dating a worldly guy. If they are aggressive they (the Eldubs) will "mark you" and may try to twist it to DF you (not likely, but possible) for "brazen conduct" when you refuse to call off the engagement and wedding.

  • OnTheOutside

    I've been lurking here a long time but think it is a good time to speak up. I am not a JW but my wife is. We went through this situation in the late 80's as she and I went together, got engaged and ultimately married. A difference was that she was DF and lived a few states away from her parents. She chose not to tell her parents and family about us until after we got married. It was different to only have relatives from my side at the wedding. Afterwards she worked to get reinstated and eventually was within a year. Then we went out and I met her parents and family. Her Dad was an elder. If this affected his status as an elder, I don't know as I never heard anything. He eventually stepped down for other reasons and passed away a few years ago. They accepted me and we got along well. Her mom said it was best that she didn't tell them until afterwards. It wasn't until after the Internet came along that I learned it could have went quite the opposite and they could have shunned her and had nothing to do with me. The JWs are not just another religious denomination.

    In our case, I think being DF actually helped. There wasn't anything the local elders could do to stop it. Then she worked to get reinstated and got back in. Best wishes in your situation and hoping things will work out for the best.
  • pale.emperor

    I would like my parents to come to my wedding though.

    I wouldn't hold out for that.

    Your parents are not going to accept him, simply because he's "not of our sort". Even if they did attend the wedding they'd likely put a downer on it somehow by not mingling with non JWs and probably leaving early.

    If it were me, I'd not even tell them you're getting married and only tell them AFTER the wedding. It's frowned upon to marry outside the faith but they cant actually disfellowship you for it. Just make sure you refuse to answer and questions from elders or any JWs for that matter (family included) regarding your living arrangements and sex life before the wedding. Because we all know they will go there and in the real world its nobodys business but your own.

  • carla

    I have to disagree with this-

    "Once you are married, it is "Holy Matrimony" and "what God has yoked......let no man....."etc. Until the "I DOs" are all done"

    Me & my jw were married for well over 15+ years and I opposed him joining the cult ('opposed' is probably putting it mildly) and they suggest he separate from me because I was a ubm and opposed the org. The elders at times will suggest separation even if kids are involved. bastards.

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