Getting Married to a Non-JW

by LaurenM 13 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • LaurenM

    So I just got engaged to my boyfriend of over a year. My JW parents still don't know about him. I'm currently faded, so they know I'm not a practicing JW, but I am baptized. I would like my parents to come to my wedding though. How can I break it to them? Will they even come? My dad's an elder and my mom is a pioneer. Has anyone gone through this? Any ex-elders know about the reprecussions of them going to a wedding where a JW is marrying a non JW? Please help.

  • sparrowdown

    First off congratulatons and not an elder.

    Your dad being an elder might be a sticking point to him going, mainly because he needs to be setting a good example not because it's an "offense" of some kind but it may call into question his qualificatons as an elder. It depends a lot on how zealous the Body of Elders are.

    Hope you or your family don't try to convert your boyfriend/husband tho.

    Good luck.

  • Finkelstein

    but it may call into question his qualifications as an elder.

    If its known that his daughter who was at one time an attending baptized JWS marries out of the faith and just leaves, places a question mark over his head to his worthiness of being an elder.

    It doesn't matter if the fellow is of good character or a good match for his daughter.

    If he does attend the wedding he wont be happy , that's for sure.

  • sparrowdown

    Yeah, I know Fink, I was trying not to catastrophize something before it's happened. I have no idea how her father or BOE's will respond.

  • Vanderhoven7

    It seems to me that your parents attending the wedding of a Witness to a non-Witness would in some way be seen as sanctioning the marriage.

    There might be the threat of disfellowship if you go ahead after the inevitable warning and your parents would then have to shun you altogether.

    Of course i think that's the worst scenario...but a very possible one.

  • sparrowdown

    Preparing for a shit storm is probably wise.

  • just fine
    just fine

    I was in your spot almost 20 years ago. I didn’t invite my parents to my wedding. I knew they would use it to hurt me. My day was great, friends became family, and I felt loved and supported on my wedding day.

    Ultimately it is up to you, but don’t be naïve that your family will choose your happiness over the cult, they won’t.

    Comgratulations on your engagement - enjoy this time with your fiancé.

  • dubstepped

    The likelihood of you hanging onto everything here is slim. You have to know that. Eventually you're going to have to face that the life they chose will come between you unless this is an extremely rare case.

    Your dad could lose his position as could your mom. A lot depends on the overall attitude of their elder body. You can't apply the same rules across the board. If he's influential enough he might skate by, or decide to set a "good example".

    We can't tell you anything for certain other than that at some point you will have to come out, be who you are, stand on your own two feet, and let them decide who they want to be and accept their decisions. You can't hide him or your fade forever. They get to decide how to react and you have to let them be then, and you need to be you. Let the chips fall where they may.

    I'm so sorry about that.

    On the other hand, you are free and congrats on the upcoming nuptials. Don't let them steal your joy. You're being prepared here for the likely inevitability.

  • Addison0998

    I’m sorry for the stress yourbprobably dealing with, but congratulations!

    I’m not sure if the rules are different depending on congregations, but around where I live, once somebody leaves home, they can do whatever they want without the parents dealing with any repurcussions. If you are still living at home, then they would get hell for it. And you can’t be disfellowshipped usually for marrying an unbeliever. As long as there’s no proof of porneia lol. You probably will be marked and avoided though. And if your parents are anything like mine, and have a severe disdain for “worldly people”, they might not go to your wedding. Don’t let it stop you from enjoying it though.

  • mentalclarity

    I married a non jw while inactive. I didn't get df'ed but my family did not attend because they were told they could lose their privileges if they did. My wedding wasn't in a church or anything btw. I think this is pretty much the position of the wtbs. One person in my family did attend but they had no privileges to lose so they really didn't care about the risk.

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