Has anyone else experienced this? (page 2)

snowbird

My last meeting was 13 years ago; I'm not DF or DA; my JW sister and my JW daughter have never shunned me.

As I've mentioned before, it just doesn't happen here.

Sylvia

Spiral

We are also faded. It seems much the same with our family, a "don't ask don't tell" kind of thing mostly. Having said that, on occasion some snarky comments come out. Then it just fades away.

To be truthful, we don't hear much from the relatives (they all live out of state) but the funny thing is we didn't hear much from most of them (cousins, etc., but we're all in our 50s with kids and grandkids) when we were in the truth and even lived closer to them. We just weren't special enough, even then! At this point, we aren't sure who knows what about our "status".

Rather peaceful.

One more thing, though. When we talk they don't bring up "spiritual" stuff (I never thought about that having been protocol, actually) but it makes you think they don't want to hear our reasons. A few years ago a question was asked and our answer had news reports and documentation attached to it. That person had a major meltdown.

Iown Mylife

Hey ToesUp,

We were the only ones in our families to be "in," so we never lost contact with any relatives. But it's been uphill work to get anywhere close to building relationships with them the way they should be. Everyone was so used to not seeing us or hearing from us around holiday times so when we left the org, they all were sort of cool to the idea of us just joining in.

When we were "in," none of the relatives wanted to hear any details of why we believed we should be JWs. Now that we're Out they want to hear all the explanations of why we joined and why we left.

There isn't anyone who is still In that gives us any news about members we were friends with, or has any contact with us. Sometimes I look up names of older ones and see if an obituary comes up or not. The other day I looked up a gal who had always been especially nice to us and found that she had passed in 2012.

I can relate to your curiosity about how your folks are reasoning, in this way: When you don't hear from your daughters for several weeks (when they were in their late teens, early 20s), you know you just don't want to hear what they've been up to. So you don't ask and they don't tell. When they do come around you feed um and play a card game and wave bye til next time. If I don't know then I don't need to have an opinion or feel angry or disappointed, LOL.

sparrowdown

Yep, don't ask don't tell policy in full force. I think they are afraid of the reasons I don't attend, the equivalent of sticking your fingers in your ears and singing lalalala.

stuckinarut2

Yep, we have the same situation.

I guess it's a case of "knowledge means they have to DO something about it". So the family members would rather just pretend all is status quo.....and they also live by the mentality of "why let facts get in the way of 'the truth'"?

Its cowardly really.....

sparrowdown

I think there has been talks and articles stating the reason someone does not attend is not important.

The Return To Jehovah brochure I think.

scratchme1010

We are not complaining about it (actually it is a great thing), just perplexed. Has anyone else had this happen? If so, what do you think their thought process is? Are they burying their heads in the sand, do they have doubts to but can't discuss them? They don't want to know and don't want to have to choose to not associate with us? Are they just trying to keep us close because they are getting older? We are just curious if any of you have experienced this same thing? If so, what are your thoughts?

Heck, yes! My thoughts and experience are that they will not ask any questions, they will not inquire anything about you around the JWs, and they will never ever directly tell you anything.

A few things can be the reasons.

Possibility 1 - The elders instructed them to do that. Some elders (duh, they are just people with nothing better to do) use their position to screen out people that they don't like. If you rubbed some elder the wrong way, chances are that elder is very happy with recommending that course of action to your JW family.

Possibility 2 - They are very afraid of opening a can of worms. Like some members of my JW family, they love to know about me, they claim that they "don't know why I don't contact them", and "they want me in their lives",but they don't want to know anything that I can say that challenges them, their lives or their believes. That's out of fear of realizing that they have been wrong all their lives. That's no small thing. The implications of that means that so many decisions they have made have been made for the wrong reasons and with the wrong information, and based on the wrong premises.

Possibility 3 - Pride, dysfunction, envy, control, and similar harmful-to-relationships negativity. They just want the fun part of you; they have no interest in having a relationship with you or learning anything about you as a person. So they are nice and polite and attempt to get what they want from you, but can't care less about you. Being in contact with you is a way of keeping tabs, so they can continue with gossiping and rumors.

Possibility 4 - Good old fashion brainwashing. They may believe that doing that is the right things to do as per their Jehovah.

Even if they call you, they want you to ask things, so they feel at a psychological advantage over you. They have no interest in what you have to say, but they want you to ask so they can tell you what they want to say. Don't expect any reasonable, normal dialog. That doesn't happen with active, devoted JWs.

I keep close to my father, my mother passed away last year. I cater their need the best I can. As for my siblings, I have different degrees of contact with them and no contact with some.

Has anyone else experienced this?

snowbird

Spiral

Iown Mylife

sparrowdown

stuckinarut2

sparrowdown

scratchme1010

Christian Gutierrez

nancy drew

Vidiot

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