What is it like to have that one true friend?

by My Name is of No Consequence 14 Replies latest jw experiences

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  My Name is of No Consequence

  What is it like to have that one true friend? Growing up in the org, I never really had friends. I had many acquaintances, some of which were “worldly”. But I can’t say that I ever had that one person that I could pour my soul out to, someone that I could just talk to. My siblings and I were not allowed to have “worldly friends”, so natural friendships were never able to develop. In the org, most of the kids that I grew up with were jerks and I never fit in with them anyway. Most of the kids that I grew up with are not associated with the org anymore anyway.

  I would like to think that I am successful. I went to college, own my own home anhave a decent job. My siblings weren’t so fortunate. So I guess in that respect, I am okay.

  I hate to admit it, but my wife and I are having serious issues, in part to me learning TTATT. I never really fit the mold of a “spiritual mate”, meaning that our relationship was doomed from the start. Your mate is supposed to be your best friend. That is not the case with us. In fact, I’m not sure I have a worst enemy then her. Every time we get into a discussion (which usually turns into an argument) about the org, she threatens to record me and turn me in the brothers for apostasy! Does that sound like a friend? What few worldly associates I did have, she made me cut off all contact with them as a condition of our marriage. Since I never really had friends in the org, it has left a void that has never been filled.

  So what is it like to have that one true friend?
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  freemindfade

  They accept you for who you are. When you can be your true self you are most happy, and when you are accepted for that person, that is a true friend. In the org or not.
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  Simon

  Every time we get into a discussion (which usually turns into an argument) about the org, she threatens to record me and turn me in the brothers for apostasy! Does that sound like a friend?

  No, it doesn't, not by a long way. I think a true friend is always rare in the WTS because most put the org first at some point or you always have that hanging over your relationship.

  I've been lucky - a supportive wife who puts up with me and is my best friend and other friends that we're very close to and can talk to about anything.

  You know when you're close because you can laugh together and cry together and still want to see each other again (and getting emotional becomes something you can laugh at).
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  Londo111

  I thought I had that "friend sticking closer than a brother". After learning TTATT, I realized that friendship was merely fool's gold.
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  freemindfade

  Even a super indoctrinated witness that I would consider a true friend, would not act that way. They might disagree with you, or even shun you if you got df'd, but theyd never act like the KGB. Of course those witness probably aren't "good" witnesses either. But those can still be good friends.
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  Vanderhoven7

  Johnny Cash has a song for you about what a real friend is all about
  

  Try

  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOcm0Ffl6gA
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  My Name is of No Consequence

  I try my best not to feel sorry for myself. Like I mentioned, I at least have a decent job and a home. But sometimes I really get lonely and just want someone to talk to. Can you be married, live in the same house and be lonely? Yes! Sometimes days go by and we say nothing to each other. I will share some of the blame.
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  Illuminated

  A true friend is someone who allows you to safely strip away all the masks and knows you, your very true essence, accepts and loves you.

  Your wife sounds like the very foundation of the WT cult, she's abusive. It seems impossible to have a true friendship with a fully indoctrinated cultist if they're ultimately going to cut you off if you don't believe their "God" aka 7 leaders or their man made controlling abusive rules.

  The difference between a real friendship and a cult friendship is the difference between planting a seed/watering it/exposing it to sunlight/watching it bloom into a flower versus sticking a shiny plastic flower into the grass.
  
  
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  Closer to Fine

  Can you be married, live in the same house and be lonely? Yes!

  I agree. In my house it is for the same reason as yours. Once I told my spouse I had no interest in being a jw I was tattled on and thrown under the bus. It got ugly!

  Do you have any non-jw family? Would there be any way you could re-connect with some of the friends you used to have? It may take awhile to develop the close friendship that you seek, however, it is worth the effort! I have a friend that I can confide anything in. I will always have her back and she will always have mine. The friendship is not conditional on the two of us agreeing on religion.

  
  
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  Viviane

  I'm now a firm believer in moving on when relationships aren't healthy. The sooner, the better.