LyinEyes (page 2)

outnfree

Aw, shucks! Now I'm cryin', too!

I do so love the depth of feeling and empathy on this board. It's truly a good place.

DeDe and Lee have depth of feeling and empathy from tip to toes!

Thanks, ladies!

outnfree

Lady Lee

passes around the box of kleenex

DeDe

Lady Lee, I am crying ,,,,,,,but it is a good cry , ya know, those kind that you get when someone understands you afterall, I thank you for that. For really knowing what I am thinking and about what my mother must have felt too.

Glad they are those healthy cleansing kind of tears

You are such a wonderful person Lady Lee, you help so many people , I hope you know how much we all value your wisdom here, and you are an inspiration of what a real survivor is . It does my heart good to hear of people who have been thru so much , but make it thru it, scars and all, and still have such spirit to them , that no man, no religion , could ever break.

Thank you Dede. In spite of how far I have grown I still need to hear it. Helps to erase all those years when I was told I was nothin

I also thank all of you for what you have done for me since I have been on this site. The understanding the caring, all of the hugs and the kind things said, have been more than I have ever known from people other than my husband. It amazes me that all the time I was a witness no one wanted to listen to me talk about my mother, maybe it was too painful for them, or they didnt know how to comfort me, even thou all I wanted to do was say her name outloud sometimes , just talk about her.

I know what you mean. My family hardly ever mentions my aunt Suzanne who committed suicideat the age of 13. They don't even want to acknowledge that is what she did. I have never heard one person question what she was doing in the river when we all knew she was terrified of water. I have found more compassion just about anywhere than I ever found with my family or with the JWs. This board is great though and I thank everyone for the support

gumby

Had you knew dede and her story when you first had these thoughts, you may had not dwealt upon them as long as you did or not at all.

Ummm I suspect I was in therapy and on the road to recovery while Dede was still living her story. But definitely there is power in sharing our experiences and getting the support we never got before

LyinEyes

Lady Lee,,,,,,,, I am so sorry to hear about Suzanne , so young, that is what hurts alot too , young people who take their own lives. A river is what took my mom's life too. She was afraid of the water, and couldnt swim at all. I always thought that was her way of making sure she committed the act and it ended the way she wanted it too. She didnt take pills, which is the way I would have thought she would do it, easy access. The way she did it , that hurt as bad as her doing it. The mental image of it stays with me to this day. I won't say more about all of that because it is too dark and may be upset someone.

Thank you all for the kind things said,and I am glad this is a place where people find comfort and can help each other out.

Jesika

(((((((((((((((LL& Lyineyes))))))))))

Lady Lee

Suzanne and I had both been sexually abused by our natural fathers. Both cases were reported to the police and in both cases my mother got custody of us.So were were living together.

My grandmother moved in with her 3 sons and Suzanne. Altogether in the house there were 11 people - mother - c-l husband, grandmother, 3 uncles, Suzanne, me my 3 brothers and my baby sister.

My grandmother, 3 uncles and Suzanne were all baptized JWs and got my mother and her c-l to start studying. We were going to meetings. I know I was going out in service

Suzanne and I were like sisters for that year. We shared the same room and the same secrets. And one of those secrets was that my mother's common law husband was sexually abusing the two of us. We talked about suicide a lot. I think that was when I started thinking about it. (another secret was - so were the 3 uncles - well my uncles - her brothers)

Somehow my mother found out about Suzanne being abused by the c-l and she was sent to live with another one of her sisters at the suggestion of the elders. She had been abused by her father and was taken from him. But then was abused by her brothers and my mother's boyfriend. Now she lost them and her mother and was sent to live almost 1000 KM away. So she lost her religion too (not a bad thing) but that is a lot of losses for a 13 year old. It might have been a couple of months after she was sent away that she died.

Last year I sent a lamb to New York for the march for her. It was one of the few that made it to the front steps along with the poem that Brenda read

Lady Lee

seems I have been stuttering again

Lady Lee

and again

Lady Lee

and again duh what's with this program?

LyinEyes

Lady Lee, I am glad that Suzanne was represented by a lamb, that poor precious girl, I just get tears in my eyes, thinking of the pain , confusion and loneliness she must have felt . Damn,,,,,, 13 is suppose to be a magic age for a kid, they become teenagers and start to really grow up. My daughter is 10 and I can not imagine her getting to the point of hopelessness that Suzanne did. I am so glad we got out of the religion ,because with so many cases like this, you just never know what could have happened.

My son was 14 when we left the borg, and from the ages of 12 to that time when we left he got his first case of depression. He was lonely , no kids even close to his age at the hall, and he wanted to play football and go to school like the other kids. We were not strick on him not associating with kid in the neighborhood , thank God. Now he has many friends who live at our house half of the time, lol, and eat up all the food in the house. But it makes my heart feel good that my son has a life now.

He plays football, basketball, baseball , track, is an honor roll student, a member of the National Beta Club, and this year won first place in the Science Fair Project. I know I am bragging, but I am soooo proud of him. He has a girlfriend now also,,,,,, which is strange, but she is a sweet girl from our litttle town.

I rode by the Kingdom Hall on the way back from picking up literally a truckload of about 12 boys one day and honked the horn as long as I could as I passed by all the JW's who were in the KH parking lot. I wanted them to see , that our life is going on and we are happy about our discission.

I wish that Suzanne could have had that kind of friends and the chance to be a teenager . It breaks my heart for her and for you. I hope that one day you get to meet again, somewhere deep inside my heart, even thou I doubt at times, I really think we will meet our loved ones again.

Lady Lee

Dede not bragging to say your kids are doing well having a normal life. It is proof of what we are protecting them from.

I don't know what happens next either but there are a lot of things I would want to say to Suzanne. My family has this really bad habit of treating people like they are dead unless they are right in front of them. As far as I recall no one ever called her to see how she was doing.

Sounds terrible to say but sometimes I think her suffering has stopped and at least she is at peace somewhere - which was better than growing up in this insane family full of nutcases (the non-JWs) and JWs (the real nut cases)

LyinEyes

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