You said- 'I'm kinda at the point where I feel our marriage is unsalvageable regardless'.
If you are at that point, and since you asked her if shed choose the jws over the relationship, then this is "spiritual endangerment" as Londo111 said.
Your already well in that category.
These 'tests' you are presenting your spouse are only going to be used as fuel for you to be the scapegoat. Perhaps you do not care about that. In the short term it may be even gratifying on some level to instigate. But with jws it will and often does bite one in the a@@.
I try not to imagine worst case scenarios but this religion is one of such that those scenarios however uncomfortable must be followed thru until conclusion.
Everything you do is directly from 'satan' Id imagine after your question to your spouse. That is just the justification a jw is groomed to look for.
Your post jumped off the page at me today and for good reason.
I have seen when many (men and women) approached it this way , sortof nonchalantly, that later they wished they'd have taken action. Before more S%t hits the fan. And more will be hitting that fan at this point.
If I were in your shoes. Id do a total flip. Act as if you were on the verge of confessing it was the "truth" and just blurted out nonsense.
Stifle your vomit long enough to sit thru a few meeting here and there.
All while getting your attorney and ducks in a row.
I wish I had the opportunity for a remake of my life surrounding these types of issues. I wish I had someone telling me what was about to happen or could happen years ago.