Just asked JW wife to quit

by rathernotsay 21 Replies latest jw friends

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  rathernotsay

  So I wont get into why i asked my JW wife to leave... theres another thread for that lol... but more out of pure curiosity I asked her just now... "in order to save this marriage would you leave the JWs?", It was a SNAP call NO, like not even a second to pause and think about it, which kinda took me back a bit, followed by a angry "why would you ask me that now?" (Shes going out witnessing with my kids and her friends).

  Has anyone here been through this with their partner? Just curious really, I'm kinda at the point where I feel our marriage is unsalvageable regardless but I'd still like to hear your experiences.
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  Londo111

  Whatever you do, don't play the part of the "opposer".

  JWs are indoctrinated to expect "persecution" or opposition from non-JW family...and there is a very low-bar for what constitutes this in the JW mindset. When, in their perception, they receive "family opposition", it reaffirms the belief system. It can also cause the "backfire" effect and make her more entrenched.

  One of the three grounds for separation is "spiritual endangerment". I've seen the "spiritual endangerment" card played, in some cases, encouraged by the elders.

  I'm sure when she went out in field service, she told her car group about this, and they were there to support her through this 'trial'.
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  James87

  Wow im so sorry man and good luck. Either you bite the bullet or start looking at a good divorce lawyer.
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  stuckinarut2

  Sorry to hear that you guys have such tensions in the relationship. That is never pleasant -regardless of the reason.

  I wish you well.

  If the topic comes up, try to spin it the other way. Ask her something like "what efforts would you put in to strengthen or build our marriage?. What would you be willing to sacrifice to draw closer together?"
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  sparrowdown

  When someone is still under WT's spell it's nigh on impossible to get through to them.
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  Aroq

  "One of the three grounds for separation is "spiritual endangerment". I've seen the "spiritual endangerment" card played, in some cases, encouraged by the elders."

  
  

  Oh yes indeed. Had that thrown into my marriage by mom in law. Less then a year later, wife "found a way" to exit the marriage.

  She cheated, with the excuse that I made her do it.
  
  
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  carla

  Get all your legal ducks in a row before you make any final decisions. Protect your kids, find an attorney that knows about jw's and the damage they can do to young minds.

  If you decide to stay, remember these are your kids too! If she brings them to a kh then you also have a right to expose them to all other religions every other week. Inform her that you will be bringing her to various churches, temples, etc... every other week to balance out their religious education. You may have to play hard ball to protect your children. Be prepared. You two may decide that the kids will not be exposed to any religion and allow them to decide for themselves when of age. That means she will not preach at them, you will not be a constant apostate. She will not discuss anything jw with them nor will you discuss anything apostate. Complete neutrality. It could save the family structure for the time being.

  Start bringing your kids to fun things now! Do not delay, get them to enjoy normal life so one day they don't have to shun you. Teach them critical thinking skills.

  You may have to go through hell for awhile, it can get better. Wishing you all the best.
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  neat blue dog

  The only thing about religious neutrality for the kids is that she'll feel fully justified in breaking that promise (theocratic warfare and all) while meantime they won't get the flip side from you
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  caves

  carla said-Get all your legal ducks in a row before you make any final decisions. Protect your kids, find an attorney that knows about jw's and the damage they can do to young minds.

  Please do this.

  If you dont think that in front of your face and behind your back on her end with JWs backing or even alone that your wife is not making sure to have her butt covered in a divorce and gain full control over everything then man that sucks.

  Perhaps just agree with her pioneering for now, maybe retract what you told her. It will buy you some time...maybe.

  Maybe you'll get to keep your kids.

  Maybe your kids will love you as they grow up.

  Maybe your kids wont view you as 'mislead by satan'. That is what is being slowly dripped into their minds.

  Maybe you have a chance at a relationship with you kids long term.

  I say maybe because if you dont start acting on legal counsel and hope the problem will just go away...... it wont, then all will be lost. With a jw, you get no rewards for 'sticking it out'.

  Your wife takes her religion DEAD SERIOUS!!!!! OVER YOU!!! OVER THE KIDS!!!!!

  Its up to you to take the lives of your kids dead serious. Lay low, but get your ducks in a row. Give no ammunition!! NONE!

  Focus on yourself and your children.

  my two cents
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  caves

  You said- 'I'm kinda at the point where I feel our marriage is unsalvageable regardless'.

  If you are at that point, and since you asked her if shed choose the jws over the relationship, then this is "spiritual endangerment" as Londo111 said.

  Your already well in that category.

  These 'tests' you are presenting your spouse are only going to be used as fuel for you to be the scapegoat. Perhaps you do not care about that. In the short term it may be even gratifying on some level to instigate. But with jws it will and often does bite one in the a@@.

  I try not to imagine worst case scenarios but this religion is one of such that those scenarios however uncomfortable must be followed thru until conclusion.

  Everything you do is directly from 'satan' Id imagine after your question to your spouse. That is just the justification a jw is groomed to look for.

  Your post jumped off the page at me today and for good reason.

  I have seen when many (men and women) approached it this way , sortof nonchalantly, that later they wished they'd have taken action. Before more S%t hits the fan. And more will be hitting that fan at this point.

  If I were in your shoes. Id do a total flip. Act as if you were on the verge of confessing it was the "truth" and just blurted out nonsense.

  Stifle your vomit long enough to sit thru a few meeting here and there.

  All while getting your attorney and ducks in a row.

  I wish I had the opportunity for a remake of my life surrounding these types of issues. I wish I had someone telling me what was about to happen or could happen years ago.

  Good luck!