An honest look at the situation

by Formerbrother 15 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Formerbrother

  I was brought up in the truth. I saw a lot unchristian things going on in my local body of elders, my Dad was an elder and waiting outside elders meetings to go home with my mum and other wives, we sometimes heard raised voices in the 2nd school. The other mums would raise their voices as well thinking of something to say to hide the elders 'private' arguments.

  My dad hated it all, I think he hated having to keep things secret from my mum and me.

  Anyway, I got baptised, and as we did back then didnt think about further education but instead pioneered. I went to pioneer school, had a few bible studies and the elders put me on the pioneer asist program to help 'weaker' publishers, soon I was appointed young mini servant.

  One CO visit the CO said I should apply for Bethel, as I would be old enough soon as I was 19, and I could apply now being 18year old.

  I didnt really want to go, but applied at the convention not thinking I would be invited.

  Sure enough they invited me. I went to Bethel at 19, did my nappy run, the Bethel entrants school, and soon got some more responsibility in Bethel. I was giving morning worship reading,slowly had more responsibilities.

  I became a tour guide, and then an overseer of my department. I dont want to give too much away incase anybody from Bethel back then works out who I am.

  If your still reading then I will come to the point soon.

  I met a pretty sister on one of my tours, she liked the sound of coming to Bethel, so we started courting, long story short we got married with the plan to stay in Bethel until Armageddon.

  Trouble is a few years later she got pregnant. Hey any form of contraception is never 100% guaranteed. So we were kicked out to fend for ourselves.

  It was then that I realised, that I may have made a mistake not getting any qualifications, and just 'trust' in Jehovah to look after me..

  I have huge regrets wasting the first part of my life, working for free all those years, geting kicked out with nothing to show for the best part of my life given up.

  I did what most Brothers did, became a window cleaner. Here in the UK, most window cleaners are Jws, same in many countries.

  My conclusions now that I dont want my kids following my example now that I have come off being an elder, and its pretty obvious to my cong that I have come to see TTATT, and I am now PIMO.
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  Formerbrother

  As a result of Elders poking their nose in, my wife and I are now separated. she has custody, and Im sure spreading all kids of stories about her 'bad' ex, who has decided to 'leave' the truth.

  I havent left, I still go to meetings. Although the elders view me as a dangerous black sheep of the cong.

  They made such a fuss, made things far far worse.

  I have seen so much, and now know so much TTATT, my conclusions are that the Christian principles i the bible are beautiful. But they are not being applied by the Org.

  The elders have made some very serious mistakes in my case, and instead of apologising they continue to make excuses and try to shift ALL the blame to me.

  I do wish I had done things differently, mainly I wish I hadnt trusted the elders to have my best interests at heart. They kept saying they are doing all this to help me, this is not a witch hunt, they just want to help me. I kept saying if you really want to help then please stop making things worse, why are you making such a fuss, why do you delight to find fault, why cant you look for the good, and not make such a big deal out of things that dont need a big deal made out of.
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  Onager

  Hi Formerbrother,

  I was a window cleaner like yourself when I was in my mid 20's, and still a JW, but I had the great fortune to fall off my ladder and fracture my back. Because of that accident I was able to get free back-to-work training so I took all the computing courses I could which led to my first office job and for the next 20 years I have been continuously employed in jobs with pension contributions, paid holiday and sick days and all the other benefits.

  Because of my JW upbringing I never went to university or even Sixth form, but I am now a database developer with a lot of experience.

  I don't advise the falling off a ladder approach but I would say to get on some college courses and get out of window cleaning. If you love window cleaning then maybe look at small business management and bookkeeping courses and become a window cleaning company manager and build an empire!

  Why do you still go to meetings? Do you like being beaten with a stick?
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  DesirousOfChange

  My conclusions now that I dont want my kids following my example

  Our stories have a lot in common. Fortunately I decided that 4 years (as it was then) at Bethel was an even worse "sentence" than having to commit 3 years to the Army, so I didn't do it and still escaped the draft. (Amen!)

  But I am of that (also overlapping) generation(s) that missed out on an education because the "Big A" was right around the corner. Got married and must have used the same birth control method as did you because the kiddos starting popping out. I set it in stone right away that IF the "Big A" had not come by the time that they should be planning to go to college, screw the WT policy against education -- THEY WOULD GO! Yes, it eventually was part of the things that required me to quit being an Elder (still not fully awakened yet then to TTATT).

  I was not dealing with marital separation but had my wife's support in discussing this matter with our kids. THEY WOULD GO TO COLLEGE. In the US at that time, much of the tuition paid that a parent paid for the first 2 years of college was totally credited as though paying income taxes (NOT a deduction -- a CREDIT), meaning those college years are damn near FREE. No brainer.

  You don't state the age of your kids, but when they are with you, get them out there doing the manual labor with you. Explain to them WHY this is your profession (despite being the bright articulate person you sound to be). Explain that you were told there was not enough time remaining before Armageddon and yet............we're all still waiting around that corner. Explain they can be wrong about these predictions (quote the WT article).

  Though it may be very difficult to do a 180° turnaround in your life (maybe not either IDK) but NOW IS THE TIME to work on improving the life that your children will lead. Try not to put down their mother or the Borg to them. Kids discern much more than we give them credit. If they ask questions "why", don't give answers that make you look bad (Satan's apostate). Ask their opinion. Ask them, "why?" Most of all give them unconditional love.

  Oh one more thing: NEVER TRUST THE ELDERS. Most are Company Men. (John 16:2)

  Good luck!

  Doc
  
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  mentalclarity

  Alot of us on the forum have gotten our degrees as "older" adults. That might be an option and it gives the kids an example to follow. That was part of the reason I went back to school.

  I think one of the things that helped me the most once I left the organization is just figuring out what I really wanted to do with my life and working towards that. It's been a few years but I can honestly say that work has paid off. Kids are out/lots of good relationships with people.

  A therapist once gave me some very good advice. She said the answer to "why" was "yes". I don't know why elders/my family/etc act the way they do. But we have to accept that's the way it is and make our choices accordingly. Personally, I could never go to meetings again because I am all too aware of the hypocrisy that is there and it no longer "fulfills" me.

  Hope it gets better for you.
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  Slow Burn

  Hi Formerbrother,

  Being an ex-elder yourself as many of us here are, you know why the elders say they want to help only to stab you in the back later. They are Company Men, indoctrinated by the Org as we once were.

  As for myself, I used to do the same thing.(Elder for 25 years) I did not see it then as I do now.( To my everlasting shame)

  What I'm tying to do now is move forward, accepting that stupid things happened in the past. But I definitely agree with the previous comments about your kids. Help them break free from the clutches of the Org while they are still young enough to have a meaningful life.

  It is too late for me and my kids now, but I am now focused on making sure my grandkids break the cycle.

  Hang tough Formerbrother
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  Wasanelder Once

  It is amazing how much healing from the cult mindset can take place in such a short time if you are open to it. Look forward and make honest choices that validate who you really are. Set and example and be loving in a way your children would never know in the organization, unselfish and without a conditional agenda. You can do this. Get going! All the best.
  
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  truthwillsetyoufree

  I discovered TTATT 8 years ago. I was raised a JW, couldn’t wait to leave school to begin pioneering, rejected all forms of higher education and trusted in JW. I started window cleaning. 😂 I pioneered and the truth was my life. I through myself into the Polish field and supported 3 polish groups as well as my English congregation. I was heavily involved and well known as a witness. Had a couple of doubts. Read crisis of conscience and soon stopped my association with the religion. It’s been 8 years and I’m still a window cleaner! I have a thriving round, good reputation. I love being my own boss even if it is only cleaning dirty windows. I’ve even bought a house now and I still get plenty of time to myself which I wouldn’t get if I was employed. I am also enrolled with th open university and slowly getting a degree as a back up in case anything should happen but I have no desire to give up window cleaning. It was one of the best things I did starting a round and I will keep at it. There may not be any benefits and pension being self employed or sick and holiday pay but if you run it as a proper business and put some money aside to cover such things then you are on to a good thing. 👍
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  scratchme1010

  I have huge regrets wasting the first part of my life, working for free all those years, geting kicked out with nothing to show for the best part of my life given up.
  

  Welcome to the forum, and thank you so very much for your sharing. I think that it helps many people in this forum, and also lurkers.

  I'd say that there's no way to know that your life would have been better as a non-JW. The best thing is that you can change and create a better story for yourself from this point forward.
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  fulltimestudent

  Nothing wrong with being a window cleaner or any other honest work.

  And, at least in some western societies you can still get ahead in life. A Chinese friend of mine (from Singapore), apparently orphaned early in his life, raised by a family that did nothing for him. Had no education at all (fees applied in British controlled Singapore) sent out to work part-time at age 8, start fulltime work (72 hours a week) at age 11. Never had a decent meal in all his early life. At 18 he had to do compulsory military service, where he learned personal discipline, shortly after that he managed to come to Australia, eventually getting a job in the support staff of a large legal company. Through hard work at his low-level job and thrift he now fully owns his own apartment and has enough savings to support his old age without any reliance on government handouts.

  If he can do it - any xjw can do it too.