Why do people go back after being DFed?

by Lady Lee 14 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    I was reading SwordofJah's post about a young lady who went back after 8 months and got reinstated

    This past Tuesday, a young sister (21 Years Old) was reinstated after 8 months. She was always very nice and upbeat, but made a few wrong turns in her life. I talked to her a bit after the meeting and she was telling me that before being disfellowshipped she had been consumed by her actions, just didn't feel any joy in serving Jehovah. But she said that after she was disfellowshipped she meditated on her relationship with Jehovah and for the first time she realized that she really needed Jehovah in her life. She said that she was encouraged by her family (only her dad is a JW, mom walked out on them a long time ago). The congregation was very happy to have her back and many were crying with her. It was a very joyous experience.

    This is one case. I have a few ideas why this person would go back. SoJ gives us plenty of information.

    First this young woman appears to have been raised as a JW. Even if she has only been in for a few years she has most likely no friends or support outside of the congregation and her family who are JWs. So she has been isolated with only one source of information about how to get salvation. After being Dfed 8 months ago she lost that support. With no where else to turn it would seem reasonable that she would go back to get what support she is familiar with.

    Second She apparently told SoJ that she "just didn’t feel any joy in serving Jehovah". Like many who try to gain acceptance through works she most likely realized that whatever you do is not good enough, in fact it isn’t enough period. More is always expected. As a young person who has many roads to success closed by the WT policies and teachings it would not be surprising if on some level she recognized this inability to achieve some real degree of accomplishment in here life. This could have triggered depression . The "it is never enough" policy and the lack of achievement might have pushed her to do some things that were forbidden. The depression would have robbed her of any "joy". The infinite rules often result in depression because so many doors are closed to a successful future.

    Third. SoJ says the woman’s mother abandonded the family "a long time ago." If this is the case then she already may feel negative about herself that her mother would abandon her. People who feel abandoned by those who are supposed to love them will do just about anything to maintain the connection of the remaining parent. If being shunned felt like another abandonment then she would have done whatever was required by her father to get that connection back.

    If she has seen others be reinstated she would know about how warmly people are welcomed back immediately after coming back. For someone who has been shunned for 8 months and possibly feels very badly about herself due to the abandonments and shunning it would be wonderful to feel this acceptance.

    These are important psycho-social reasons for people to return to something that controls them as much as the WTS does. I don’t think most people really stop to think of the long-term effects. With the little amount of good mental health information provided by the WTS few people would realize how important self-actualization, independent thinking, accomplishments, personal talents and abilities and self esteem is. Even fewer would understand the basis of so much depression that exists within the congregations.

    People go back because of fear, isolation, lack of skills, a desire to have a relationship with family and friends, a sense of belonging, a desire to serve God, a need to be accepted by God and others, a need to feel special (especially those with low-self-esteem), a need cleanse themselves and feel OK, and a need to have others make choices for them.

    I could probably add to this as I give it more thought

    OH one more thing SOJ talked about was how happy the congregation was after the announcement. I believe few people like this shunning rule. Once a person is reinstated I think a lot of people breathe a sigh of relief that they don't have to follow it anymore. Some may be happy the person has "returned to the fold" but I really think a lot of it is refief

  • minimus

    They have "no place else to go". They NEED family and friends and CAN'T make it on their own. They MUST have this support.

  • SwordOfJah


    You are a very good writer. You psycho analysis does make sense. As a Witness, I look at the results. The results is that she's back in Jehovah's Organization and feels good about herself because she was able to overcome her obstacle. For it, she's a better Christian and fully trusts Jehovah God. Her relationship with Jehovah is now stronger than ever. That's what I got from my conversation with her.

  • undercover
    They have "no place else to go". They NEED family and friends and CAN'T make it on their own. They MUST have this support.

    That's it exactly. They don't know any other way. Especially for people raised in "the truth". Cut them off from it and they are completely lost. Then they feel they must come back to have that support.

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee


    As a Witness, I look at the results.

    Ah but that isn't what God looks at. He reads the heart

    Truth is people will say and do what is expected to get their needs met. And they will hide what is not welcomed

  • Valis

    Hi Lady Lee....I think you and minimus are right...My mother once told me that when I left home she felt there had been a death in the family...and my response to her was to remind that it is a two way street indeed...You lose everything, lack a support base, and years of association with people you assumed loved you. It takes time to understand that you get to make life meaningful every day, not that there is some predestined set of events that make you who you are. Some lack the patience, self confidence, and social maturation to make it past the borg...sad, and hopefully we can make the way a little smoother and understand the "becoming an XJW with posts like this.Thanks.


    District Overbeer

  • Dansk



  • Reborn2002
    Why do people go back after being DFed?

    • Such a person is a glutton for punishment.
    • They honestly believe the WTS is the "truth" and subject themselves to the BS.
    • They have friends and family they do not wish to sever ties with, so they fake it to retain the ability to maintain contact with loved ones. (a sad scenario isn't it?)
  • freedom96

    Pure and simple, they don't know anything else. Sad, but true.

  • shamus

    Yes, nowhere else to go.... scared... all their family is in the religion....

    It's really quite sad.

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