So, what does it look like when one hits that wall of exhaustion and ends up in the hospital? I've been burning way too brightly myself and have closed in on burnout. Well, I've felt burned out, but I don't know what that limit is where it becomes too much. I know that I've felt ill from working so much, and I know that on many weekends I just crash and burn instead of having any energy to go have fun or anything.
Look at you, all going back to school and pursuing what you want as well. I think I can identify with some of what you're feeling. For a certainty I'd have a hard time picking just one thing to major in. I want to learn about so many things, but also have to face harsh realities regarding time, energy, money, and focus.
I've been thinking about what you said about the future looking blank for you. While I don't feel that way myself, I think I can grasp that. For me the future looks like a projection of the present, but that's scary in it's own way because I don't want to live the same days over and over again. For you it sounds like you are somewhat directionless, not really sure what the future holds, and in contrast with a future doom and then a panda paradise that we all had painted for us during our entire lives as JWs, it must be a very strange view of the future.