Witness Kids and Disfellowshipped Parents

by tergiversator 11 Replies latest jw friends

  • tergiversator
    tergiversator

    I thought I'd share my own experience on the subject (sorry it gets a little long winded!) and ask how having to shun relatives as a kid affected anyone else here.

    Disfellowshipping (and disassociation) have been part of my life for as long as I can remember. When I was six or seven, my dad, after opposing my mother's becoming a witness for several years, had a whirlwind flirtation with the organization and got baptized (as my mom put it, he was so disappointed that nothing special happened when he got baptized that he left the assembly at the lunch break). Within six months he was out, disassociated for voting I believe (though at that point it was a technicality; there were plenty of other things he could've gotten nailed for), and my parents' marriage also collapsed at the same time, for many other reasons as well.

    So then came the fun and exciting ritual of visitation with a disassociated dad. I was oh-so-very conscientious to never say amen when he would say a prayer over dinner, because I knew how spiritually dangerous that was. My earliest memories of "dealing" with my father when he started talking to us about 'postate stuff was to tune him out. (Hehe, great preparation for teenagerhood ) I used to get so exasperated with him for harping on us about not showing proper "Christian love" and (his favorite) not "honoring our father", because he just didn't understand. How clearly I saw that he was twisting scriptures! How equally obvious was it that his own lifestyle, a constant jumble of losing jobs and bad roommates and homelessness and creepy drugged-up "friends", was not what I wanted! I was a very perceptive eight year old, and drew the connection between being disassociated and having a messed up life all on my own. (Mostly.)

    Fast forward a few years. My dad had at this point left the area and I hadn't seen him regularly in several years. This was also the zenith of my witness days, when I knew it was the truth beyond a shadow of a scrap of a shred of a doubt. A few weeks after my brother and I got baptized, I at a very mature thirteen (hah!), my dad called us up to say that he was back in the city we grew up in (we had moved away). Somehow it comes out that we had gotten baptized, and he got furious at us for not telling us about it. Two hours later (the minimum time it takes to drive up to where we lived), he was there at our house, yelling at us.

    Now, of course, I understand exactly why he was so upset; but then it was just the perfect way to reinforce how much apostates like to trouble good lil' witnesses. We didn't see him again for a while - much, I am ashamed to admit now, to my relief.

    Fast forward another year or two. We've moved again, and I'm now in high school, as well as in a congregation where I have absolutely nothing in common with anyone. I still see my old friends, but only once or twice a year, since they are a good six hours drive away. My dad then decides (to my mother's chagrin) to move down to San Diego, where we were, and for the first time in many years begins to hold down a regular job. He wanted to start up seeing us on a regular basis again, and we started going out to dinner, he and my brother and I, maybe once or twice a month.

    At this point, he'd been away from the witnesses so long that he just didn't bring up "objectionable" subjects all that often, and my brother and I were masters at steering the topic away from ones where he would start ranting. (Heck, he rants enough on subjects completely unrelated to religion. ) My mother was unhappy about having his "bad influence" around again, but I was old enough that I knew what I believed (at least I thought so...). I also thought I knew where to draw the line between familial ties and showing respect and not associating too much with an ex-witness (or non-witness, for that matter). Eating the occasional dinner with my dad was not going to change anything.

    Until the elders told me to stop it.

    The stories I've read online about other people's experiences with bad elders leave me shaking my head in amazement, because I must've been in pretty decent congregations (or else too oblivious to notice); but I had this one run in. One of my favorite elders and someone else came by on a shepherding call when I was 16, in my junior year of high school. They told us that, since my brother was no longer a child (he was 19), he was not under "legal obligation" to see my dad any more (ie, visitation arrangements) and thus he should "seriously weigh" how much time he spent with him. I, of course, would face the same "decision" when I turned 18.

    To give some idea of how "serious" this was, they informed me that if I didn't cut off seeing my dad, I wouldn't be approved to auxiliary pioneer again, as I had just finished doing that spring break. In other words, I would be marked as "spiritually weak".

    Now, I had never done anything wrong at this point. I was the model witness kid - did very well in school, was always out in service, liked being out in service, pioneered a lot, never got in trouble, etc. But I was very, very offended by their "loving counsel". Especially since they had NO IDEA what growing up with disfellowshipped parents was like, both being from model witness families. But they had come up with an arbitrary rule that non-custodial ex-witness parents get the shaft the instant you turn 18 (and before that if you're "reaching out"). I was supposed to meekly obey.

    It was, as they say, the beginning of the end.

    My brother and I did not stop seeing my dad. My brother never was approved as a ministerial servant, and has now been inactive for at least a year. I refused to pioneer that summer in protest of their unfair decree - made excuses to my mom about being "tired from the school year" and carefully scheduled my trips up north to see my friends so that I wouldn't have any given month with enough free time to pioneer.

    And, when I got online that June, and naively starting doing research about the tax on the witnesses in France (such noble intentions!) and opened the floodgates of 'postate sites, I was much less inclined to skip over them. I wasn't disenchanted enough to stick around long (the old H20 scared the heck out of me when I stumbled across it), but I gained a vague knowledge of organ transplants and 1975 and the AJWRB. And they remained in my memory throughout the next year, when other things began to bother me; when I was pretty much forced into pioneering again (they didn't remember their threat, evidently... but I did) that spring by the PO's wife, trying to drum up support for some campaign or other; when I was faced all at once with the prospect of getting free by going away to college and the realization one meeting that I wanted nothing in the world more than to be OUT of that Kingdom Hall and never have to come back.

    What finally made me decide to leave, for good, was when I realized how much I hated the idea of belonging to a religion that makes you choose between your friends and family and your peace of mind and self-respect. I hated disfellowshipping and disassociation, with a passion born of long experience on the one side and the realization of what was going to happen to me on the other. So I disassociated myself.

    My mother blames my dad. She has no idea.

    -T.

  • CornerStone
    CornerStone

    Hello Tergiversator,

    Sorry to hear about your experiences with "bad elders" and all. I had many responsibilities myself until they were all "taken" away when I upset a few "window washers". One realy bad part about the org. is that they make you choose between them and your conscience. They realy don't care how YOU FEEL about ANYTHING. I had an elder tell me exactly that. They claim to follow the teachings of Jesus. HA! Jesus did not "break" rules over peoples heads, threatening to hold eternal destruction over you if you don't obey. Strait-up CULTS do that!
    Did ANY of those "floor cleaners" want you to have reconscilliation with your father? Did they think Jehovah wanted a father and son to have a good relationship together? Of course not. THAT would take an ounce of human descency. Sorry, I'm venting. "whew"
    Anyway, like they say, "You can't put the toothpaste back in the tube." The knowledge you have about the org. is not going away so you have to look foward. I believe that God's people are out there but the first place to start looking for them is in the mirror. I hope you and your family can overcome the org. and have a strong relationship.

    CornerStone

  • JT
    JT

    T

    i enjoyed your post- sorry to hear of your exp

    but you are free now and man ran with it

    james

    The Freedom to Think means:

    "I'd rather have Questions that I can't Answer ----Than Questions, I can't Ask.

    (or Answers that I can't Question)."

  • patio34
    patio34

    Tergiversator,

    Thanks for sharing your story with us.
    I'm glad you had the strength to stand up and do what you felt was right. There is enormous pressure to go along with it, as you know.

    How can this be called Christian? What about the blatantly false statement on the WTS site that says "disfellowshipping does not end family ties"?

    Cornerstone, I loved that 'you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube'!

    Patio

  • Thirdson
    Thirdson

    Tergiversator,

    Thanks for sharing your story. The good thing is you haven't wasted your best years in a controlling religion.

    How are things with your mom now? How long have you been away from home at college?

    I hope things are going well for you otherwise.

    Good luck in all your new endeavours,

    Thirdson

    'To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing'

  • bajarama
    bajarama

    Tergiversator,

    Thanks, it helps to know that I'm not the only one who's life has been screwed with. I'm df'd and the "scum apostate" of the family. I love this board because it reminds me that I'm not alone.

    Pure Scum Apostate

    bajarama

  • tergiversator
    tergiversator

    Hello, everyone, and thanks for all your kind words.

    CornerStone, I quite agree. I haven't finished sorting out where I stand religiously, but I know that any group that proclaims disfellowshipping is LOVING ain't it.

    JT:

    but you are free now and man ran with it

    That just about sums up my attitude. Well, that and not feeling guilty about sleeping in Saturday morning. I remember the feeling, when it first dawned on me that it might matter what I studied in college, because I could actually do something that I liked with it. It was kinda terrifying because it was a rather sudden realization... but quite liberating, actually, knowing that I could make my future and not just endure it.

    What about the blatantly false statement on the WTS site that says "disfellowshipping does not end family ties"?

    I get disgusted every time I see that quote, too, Patio. I'm really tempted to ask my mom about that line from the official website - though, technically, our family ties aren't severed. Just very, very, very frayed.

    Since Thirdson asked how things were with my mom now, here's how things have unfolded... My mom still talks to me, sometimes, although she tries to stick to "family business". Unfortunately, she began her rebound with the Society (after years of just being too busy with work to do much else) right when I was having my most serious doubts, and she is very much the loyal obedient witness right now. Remarried to a rather nice up-and-coming ministerial servant, too. She still forwards me all of my junk mail and financial aid documents, though never with any attached notes asking how I am. (I was amused a few weeks ago, in a sad sort of way, at how happy I was to get an unsolicited email from her advising me to eat my green vegetables. )

    She also refuses to eat meals with me, but somehow thinks that family get-togethers with worldly relatives are ok. (Mustn't give a bad witness...) It's a shame, really. We were pretty close, before, and my leaving has really torn her up. Now, she's just hoping that I'll snap out of it and come back in a few years, when I'm done being "distracted" by schoolwork. I haven't the heart to disillusion her...

    As for where I am right now, I'm almost finished with my second year of college. I'm incredibly grateful that I managed to effect my transition from impeccably-good-witness-girl to frothing-at-the-mouth-apostate-college-student [8>] so seamlessly; I know from reading here that so many other people weren't that lucky.

    And bajarama, that's what I love about the internet too. Everyone understands why we have such crazy messed up families, and also that, underneath the apostate scum, we're not such a bad lot after all .

    -T.

  • waiting
    waiting

    Hey Ter,

    The WTBTS council given you is how it is given down here. I went against it - but I wasn't pioneering, etc. My son was in his second year of college when we had a Major Falling Out. He was living on campus about an hour away.

    We continued to have lunch every couples of weeks because I had to come to Col. for other matters. We never missed those lunches. We talked about other things.

    We also sent joke cards to each other on a regular basis. I think that's what saved our relationship when we couldn't talk about important things. Those silly cards. We'd put a short note/long note inside - but it kept us communicating, which was the important thing.

    You might try this with your mother? She might get used to responding to you as a person - and not as a jw. And it would be a kindness on your part.

    Take care and enjoy these years.

    waiting

  • LovesDubs
    LovesDubs

    Well written post Terg :) Thank you. I feel an undercurrent of sadness through all of that. Im sure you are out of the Borg, but I feel that you really regret all those years of having little to no contact with your Dad. All the "what if"s Sadness too over the fracture of your family. There are unfortunately, millions of us out here feeling the same way, my friend. Im sure your post helped many of them say, "hey...thats ME."

    Loves (The Borg has Lost Its BEST Class)

  • mommy
    mommy

    Hey Ters,
    I was wondering what your story was I am so glad you shared. Don't worry about being long winded, you could tell us in a nutshell, but the way you told us really helped us to get to know you. What strength you have! I can not even fathom those years you struggled with trying to honor the bible and still loving your father. The org must have really caused alot of guilt in your heart. I am so happy for you, now that you are in college. I can also understand your statement about turning your schoolng into what you want to do with your life to be happy. As a JW they leave out the human factor, making life just an existence, something we have to endure until the "real" life begins. It really is a shock when you reach that point of realization that this life is all there is and we better get a move on. I remember when I realized that, I was in a mixed state of happiness and sadness.

    Your story has really touched me, and I think we are alot alike in our attitude when in the org. I was a goodie to shoes too Trying to get it right, making myself miserable pushing down the doubts I had in my head. I am really touched by Lovesdubs perception in the undercurrent of sadness in your post. I did not notice it until she pointed it out. Don't worry girl, we all have this, perhaps we always will as long as we have family in. ((((((HUGS)))))) I am really proud of you!
    wendy

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