Sex Offender in my neighborhood

by Princess 15 Replies latest jw friends

  • AGuest
    AGuest

    Dearest Princess... may you have peace... and may I offer this:

    While it is good to know exactly who in our midst have a pennchant for preying on innocent victims, it is reasonble to realize that we cannot always know. You might find out who this person is... which might be a good thing; but there might also be someone around that neither you... nor law enforcement... know about. For there is one group of people that folks tend to overlook... and that is other children. Other children commit what we adults would term as "sex crimes" all the time... but some of us (MOST of us) wish to see this as "just exploring." I was the victim of this... at age 3-4... so I know of what I speak.

    My point: in the end, it truly does not matter if you know who this man is. What DOES matter, is that your children know what should NOT be done to them... by anyone. A peer, included. They should know that they should NOT go with ANYONE that you have not personally approved: they should not get into ANY car, go into ANY house, etc. Unfortunately, although most parents THINK their children know this, studies show that many children, although knowing it (for they were specifically asked what they knew)... still get into cars, go into houses, go with strangers who offer candy, etc..

    What to do? Well, first, you cannot tell your child once... and leave it at that. But what is most important is that you also cannot tell them in a way that is "teaching"... for instant, "Susie, DON'T do"... such and such. What you MUST do is let them know how much you love them... and what it would do to YOU... were something to happen to them. That is THE number one way to get a child to pay attention. For YOUR happiness... and YOUR continued life... is THE most important thing to a child... to his/her world.

    If then, you let your children know what it would do to YOU... if something were to happen to THEM... they will listen. For they can handle that something "bad" might happen to them. But it is UNBEARABLE to them... to think that they might have caused something... even a broken heart... to happen to YOU.

    Walking them to and from school is good: I took mine... to and from... almost through high school (but that was because they hated riding the bus due to the "bad" kids). And so we "bonded" even more during those times. BUT... not only did my molestation not take place on the way to or from school, it did not take place at school at all, but rather, it would take place... while my parents were in the other room! I believe I tried to tell them... but I don't believe they UNDERSTOOD what I was trying to tell them. I was only 3-4... and cannot remember if I spoke "clearly" at that time. I do recall that in telling them, it was not that "Johnny" had done something "bad"... for "Johnny" (who was age 10-11) did not make me FEEL it was bad. Something in me knew it wasn't "right", though. I am not sure, however, that I was able to communicate that at such a young age. I never felt any "shame" behind it, though; being only 3-4, I knew it was not me, but some "fast" little boy who had a problem. THOSE are the ones I would first warn my daughters about!

    Again, I bid you peace.

    A slave of Christ,

    SJ

  • Princess
    Princess
    My point: in the end, it truly does not matter if you know who this man is. What DOES matter, is that your children know what should NOT be done to them... by anyone. A peer, included. They should know that they should NOT go with ANYONE that you have not personally approved: they should not get into ANY car, go into ANY house, etc. Unfortunately, although most parents THINK their children know this, studies show that many children, although knowing it (for they were specifically asked what they knew)... still get into cars, go into houses, go with strangers who offer candy, etc..

    Good point Shelby. This will of course cause us to talk about this with the kids. We do talk about it and I'm fairly confident that my kids would do the right thing but you cannot talk about it enough.

    I still want to know who he is though. I want a picture. I just do.

    Thanks!

  • bikerchic
    bikerchic

    SJ:

    YOU GAVE SOME INCREDIBLE AND VERY USEFUL ADVISE, THANK YOU!

    I never felt any "shame" behind it, though; being only 3-4, I knew it was not me, but some "fast" little boy who had a problem. THOSE are the ones I would first warn my daughters about!

    That is exactly what is missing in so many survivors of abuse IMHO. You are not bad, something bad happened to you by someone bad. There is no shame in being a "victim", the shame is in staying stuck in the "victim-mode". I know it's traumatizing, but to those who have been victimized I say get help and then get on with life, the past is past, deal and heal. And before anyone jumps on me I know the struggle involved here, but it's well worth the struggle.

    Princess (and all parents) I hope you read and put to use the suggestions SJ gave;

    What to do? Well, first, you cannot tell your child once... and leave it at that. But what is most important is that you also cannot tell them in a way that is "teaching"...

    very good advise! The best offense is a good defense!

    Katie

  • wednesday
    wednesday

    princess,

    i watched the Dr. Phil show about just this subject. U can go to google search engine, and type in sex offender data base, follow the links, and when it asks u for info , type in your zip code, and it will pull up all offenders in your neighborhood. I did this, for texas, and was i ever surprised to see who lives in my area. And we didn't get notices. But some have pictures of the persons, and their address, and all that. so go hunting, u may be able to find out more than u imagine,

  • Princess
    Princess

    Thanks for the tips Wednesday. I tried it but unfortunately my county doesn't think I need to know this info, the surrounding counties provide it, just not mine. Looks like Texas and Alaska will tell you anything you want to know.

  • shamus
    shamus

    My mother has a sex-offender neighbour 2 doors down from her... it was on the news and everything. She doesn't go out at night anymore, and is totally freaked!

    The R.C.M.P. (That's the royal canadian mounted police) have his name up on their local website. I would give you a link, but that's too much info. to give on this forum.

    Shamus.

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