Strange Memories..

by breal 14 Replies latest jw experiences

  • breal

    About 6 or 7 years ago after being DF'd and shunned by family and friends for so many years.. I got to thinking that perhaps if I tried to get reinstated. Not entirely sure that I really wanted to or if it was simply an idea to do this and then just did a slow fade (if that is really possible) - then I would be able to be around my family and friends like old times again. I even attended a few meetings in the new city I had moved to. It was a heartwrenching experience. I remember not having a Bible or the songbook and just sitting there like a fool with everyone staring at me. The hardest part was not knowing the words to the songs and knowing that even in the place so far away from where I grew up and eventually was DF'd people were judging me once again.

    Afterwards some elders approached me and I asked them for the appropriate tools needed to not feel like such an outcast on my journey to rejoin. They set up a meeting at my apartment with me to discuss my rights and the steps required. On the day of the meeting I stayed patiently waiting - not sure if I really wanted to go back or if I was off my rocker - evaluating all the things I would have to give up in order to gain back some aspects of my former life that I figured were worth it. Hours past...then days... no phone call to anything.

    Then there was the time I got the phone call a few months prior to my wedding from my "now an elder" father. Telling me I should not get married etc, etc - like his "divorced, remarried, cheating, lying, drinking, smoking, disfellowshiped but reinstated & now an elder self" should feel in any way qualified to give me advice! Then getting my address so he could get the magazines sent to me (most likely just updating the local "DNC unless an elder" records). The magazines never arrived. No response to the wedding announcement, invitation or picture I sent him. (To clarify - I did leave the door open for him and all other family - as hard as it was to be even a small part of my life if they chose to.)

    I would like to thank the elders first in my hall from my hometown for not giving a damn! (see my first post - lurker no more)

    I would also like to thank the elders in my new hometown for not giving a damn!

    Lastly I would like to thank my father who needed to ease his conscience & just recently reminded me that he is simply a sperm donor in my life after another 5 years without contact...

    See everything does happen for a reason...because of these peoples lack of interest I am where I am today.

    Ohh... this sounds all bitter/negative...that is really not me...just needed to vent after all these years (did not realize how much feelings I still had about all this stuff). Plus I got carried away - my originaly intention was solely to post to see if others had similar experience with "trying" to be reinstated for whatever reason after being DF'd or DA'd?! Is it simply another phase one goes through after leaving?

  • cruzanheart

    (((((breal))))) Aw, honey, you need a hug! I'm sorry you've had such a bad time, and I understand that you are probably feeling beautifully free of the whole thing, which is good, but there will always be a scar.



  • outnfree


    Not sure if I've welcomed you to the board yet or not.... so WELCOME!

    When I disassociated myself I walked out with a huge smile on my face and joy down to my toes!

    Curiously enough, I did consider going back to attend a meeting or two to see who all was still there perhaps a year afterwards, but never with any intention of getting reinstated. I am done and DONE with that religion!

    outnfree (who thinks its never wise to give people the power to make you feel miserable and unimportant -- which is what those b*$t@rd elders did... )

  • Mystery

    I did the reinstated act. But I couldn't follow thru. Shortly afterwards i moved a few miles away from my family and congeration. The "new" congeration "knew" that I had been D/F'ed but was reinstated; but I was still treated like I had the plague. I was never given a "2nd chance" (even tho i was an "elders daughter!)

    Don't go back. Only heartache and pain is to look forward to.

  • Big Tex
    Big Tex

    Whether it is God, or life or just karma, you did get an answer to your original question:

    perhaps if I tried to get reinstated

    Unfortunately your answer caused you pain, and for that I am sorry. You deserved better. By the way, I know how it feels. I've got the same kind of father, although I haven't spoken to mine in 11 years. I think we're both better off.

  • shamus

    That is tough to go through, and you should not feel that you are being negative here. It is unacceptable how they treat people and how uncaring they really are. They told you that they don't want you back, and you should take that as it is. Never go back. If they ever come to the door again, tell them what happened, and quote scriptures on love.

    They are not god's people by their actions. If they were, you would be welcomed back like nothing other. Wouldn't Jesus have done that to you? Remember the scripture on how everyone rejoiced over the prodigal son coming back? Did he have to go through years of shunning before his father would talk to him? No. That was Jesus making that parable, no one else. Therefore, they act like scribes and pharisees, and you are better than they are.

    I am so sorry for your sadness and pain right now. It hurts me to hear all these stories of people who miss their families. I have no real words of wisdom here, b/c I have not experienced it first hand. Please hang in there. Things happen for a reason, and there is reason for this. There has to be!

    Welcome to the board, BTW!


  • breal

    Thanks - the mood has past!

    Nina - yep you are so right about feeling beautifully free

    Thanks for the welcome outnfree & shamus.

    Mystery - nope I don't ever want to go back...just thinking of phases since I have left and one thing led to another. I am very happy now with how my life is but like Nina says there is a scar.

    Big Tex - Right you are! Much better off!



  • Goshawk

    Welcome breal,

    I have lived through alot of the same thing you have experienced. Elders not caring enough to check up yearly to see what my heart condition was. The company I worked for had me travelling around the country, so going to meeting when away and having to go through the don't talk to me I'm unclean in each new town. But, knowing what you and I know now has made us stronger and hopefully wiser.

    May your experience here be healing and interesting.


  • breal

    SPAZnik - I have read my "Strange Memories" post over and over trying to see where I "whine for sympathy on that everyone is shunning" me as you accused me of in your email! Perhaps this view is just due to your tainted opinion of me or is it another post? In any case I was simply trying to express myself & my personal experience...and work through some issues.

    If my feelings and posts annoy you that much then simply don't bother reading them! I would prefer that instead of you pretending publicly to be all nice and sisterly as in your last post on my thread about “Personality Types” only to find you judging me in personal email! (As I said in my email back to you I was not referring to you in my “Personality Type” post and perhaps your feeling that way attributed to some of the nastiness of your email to me). Obviously this is not a place for me to express myself openly without having to worry about censoring myself to meet your standards of acceptable posts. So perhaps I will leave it to you!

    I will post this on both of my threads so you will see it.


  • little witch
    little witch


    This is exactly the place for you to post without worrying!

    Glad you are here, keep posting dear!

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