Defending friends online

by kenpodragon 12 Replies latest jw friends

  • kenpodragon

    Over the time I have been coming to message board, I have seen something happen time and time again and even been part of it myself. It is called, defending friends online. In so doing, I can honesty say that every time I did it, I felt I was right and had the correct motives to do so. The thing is, and this is something I have learned from watching others as well. It often comes at a price to our online creditability, and I was wondering why.

    You see online, as many people have mentioned, we only see a small percentage of who someone really is. Thus, to make comment like, "I do not like you" or "I think you are ....... " can often be more insulting then upbuilding. As we know people do not really see us, for who we really are.

    To me, it is impossible for anyone to know anyone on here or any message board, more then maybe 10%, if they limit their interaction to only reading post. So others take the step of e-mailing, speaking to each other on the phone and even meeting in person. Which I think is great. Yet, to those that didn't, that person may still only be the 10% that we can see from reading their post. Take this chart for example.

    Chart A

    This entire pie represent us. The small 10% section is what people know of us online. Yet to them that 10% looks like this.

    Chart B

    So, even though we are someone else as a whole. We are only seen by the online attitude we have shown online. So why do I mention this?

    Because more time then I could ever count, I have seen people make comments like this on message boards, when someone they know beyond the board is attacked or accused of something.

    "That is not them at all"

    "You are wrong, they are nothing like that"

    "They are not even close to what you are saying, in fact they are completely different."
    Which is true, and the comments made about them might be way off from who they really are. Yet how can people expect us to know the whole person, the way they do, when we only see Chart B? Who, from reading their post, can be someone who comes across as shy, or rude, or arrogant, or slutty, or angry, or intelligent. When in reality, away from the board, we could be someone who is nothing like what people think of us. So we end up in a dilemma, which is.

    That one person ends up defending Chart A, while everyone else is upset with Chart B. So what happens, basically we get this division line of people who think the other side is wrong and thinks the other side is out to do something sinister or against them. In the end, it cause small to large flame wars and basically causes people to get offended or upset over things said about their friends.

    It all comes down to what I have said many times on message boards, "perspective." What you see from where you stand, may be no where near what another person sees. Yet from your viewpoint, that is all you have to go with. So like any human being, you assume that you must be right and stand your ground to attack or defend, depending on the circumstances. In the end, no one agrees, people get upset and offended and people all forget that not everyone knows everyone as well as we think we do.

    So basically, we are all 10%ers. We see very little of each other, for the most part. We think we know each other well, because this is all we have to go with and for those who have gone farther in communication. These boards can seem more frustrating and confusing at times, then we ever thought possible. Unless we remember one thing,

    "People can only form an opinion with the information they are given."

    So if you have more information, enlighten the board or feel privileged that life has allowed you to be able to see someone for more then these boards permit. You are learning, we are all learning and in time HOPEFULLY, we will learn enough to put things into a form of perspective that finds balance.

    My thought


  • Shakita

    "People can only form an opinion with the information they are given."

    Yes, so true.

    You gave the example of 10 percent....I think it varies according to how much personal information each person is willing to divulge. In my own case, I would say that I am even at the 5 percent level. I hold my personal information very close to me, afraid that my loved ones could be hurt, and that is the last thing I would want to do.

    Emotions are surely running high here lately, must be spring fever.

    Mrs. Shakita

  • pettygrudger

    #5. Spamming
    Please don't add the same comment to more than one forum

  • Valis

    That's why everyone should make an effort to "not forsake meeting w/each other", or however that goes..*LOL*...RAYZORBLADE had a nice thread about his recent phone calls with other board members I think yesterday..or the day should be encouraged for those that can and don't risk themselve's or thier situations..


    District Overbeer

  • jgnat

    Kenpodragon, it has been ages! Fantastic to see you again. You inspired me to start writing. Pettygrudger, that #5, I believe, is about posting the same topic on more than one section of this forum, i.e. Adult Heated and Friends and Bible Study.

  • kenpodragon
    That's why everyone should make an effort to "not forsake meeting w/each other", or however that goes

    I think it would be cool to meet people from boards. What I find though, is that most people live a long long way from me. I guess hickville is just a little to isolated at times.

    My thought


  • Aztec

    My friends are intelligent enough to defend themselves. Interesting pie charts. Very scientific..:p ~Aztec

  • StinkyPantz

    Ditto Aztec.

  • SheilaM
  • pettygrudger

    Ditto Aztec - cept the science part. Science? Based on what research conducted by whom????

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