Larry,,,,,,,, this is all really fresh pain and you still are probably going thru all the stages of grief all at the same time. Just when you think you are doing ok,,,,,,, a song on the radio, a flower, a sunset , the babies smiles,,,and yeah many times movies will hit you like a brick wall. It's ok to feel the pain, you really have to to survive it all . There is no way around it,,,,,,,,, I have heard the saying ........"the only way out is through".... something like that. You just have to go thru it , and it is perfectly normal. No matter what road your life leads you down, Megan will always be in your heart and you will always love her. I guess the only thing that brought me comfort at the time I was a JW when she died, was that I was sure she would be resurrected and I would see her again, and that she wasnt in pain anymore. She was at peace. That still didnt make it all alright , ya know, I cried for years, even after 18 years of my mom being gone I still cry, I still get mad, I still miss her like hell. I can only imagine the pain of losing your spouse , that has to be very hard and very lonely too.
Just know Larry, that we all care and think of how you are doing, and when you posted those pics of Megan and the babies , it made her so real to me. She was a very pretty lady and seemed to have alot of spunk to her.
Have you thought of going to a suicide surviors group? It might really help to be able to share with people face to face , the same things you are going thru. I wish I would have done it years ago , when it was all so fresh and I was so young.
Keep on hanging on Larry and you are gonna make it friend. hugs,,,,,,,Dede