My mother sent me a letter the other day asking me to go to the assembly with them next weekend. Nothing ever changes. Everytime they talk to me now the conversation always seems to be the same. It's always, "How are you. We are good. Do you want to go to a cult meeting with us?" The thing is that I haven't seen them in a few months. The last time they visited, they asked if I had "turned my back on Jehovah." Well, that started a pretty stressful discussion. I don't want to lose them. I miss them so much, but I don't want my life to be dictated by them either. Does that make sense? At that time they asked me if I would start going to a few meetings again. I said I would think about it, but in my heart I knew that it was out of the question.
Part of me dreads the thought of going to the assembly. I do not want to sit through hours and hours of talks about how awful the world is and how the end is right around the corner. I don't want to listen to all the hypocrisy and have to bite my tongue the entire time around my family.
On the other hand, I really kind of want to see my family again, especially my little sister. (sigh) I don't really care to see my older sister because she's such a horrid b!tch, but I wouldn't mind seeing my nephews. And there are some people that I grew up with that I would love to see again. Would the misery of having to sit through an assembly balance with the joy of seeing my family and some old friends?
Does anyone have any words of wisdom to help me decide? I wish more than anything that they could just love me for me and get to know who I really am. I've told them before that I just want to be their daughter and their blood sister, and maybe not necessarily their spiritual sister, but they can't differentiate. It blows my mind that I used to be just like them.