District Convention

by Charmed 19 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Charmed

  My mother sent me a letter the other day asking me to go to the assembly with them next weekend. Nothing ever changes. Everytime they talk to me now the conversation always seems to be the same. It's always, "How are you. We are good. Do you want to go to a cult meeting with us?" The thing is that I haven't seen them in a few months. The last time they visited, they asked if I had "turned my back on Jehovah." Well, that started a pretty stressful discussion. I don't want to lose them. I miss them so much, but I don't want my life to be dictated by them either. Does that make sense? At that time they asked me if I would start going to a few meetings again. I said I would think about it, but in my heart I knew that it was out of the question.

  Part of me dreads the thought of going to the assembly. I do not want to sit through hours and hours of talks about how awful the world is and how the end is right around the corner. I don't want to listen to all the hypocrisy and have to bite my tongue the entire time around my family.

  On the other hand, I really kind of want to see my family again, especially my little sister. (sigh) I don't really care to see my older sister because she's such a horrid b!tch, but I wouldn't mind seeing my nephews. And there are some people that I grew up with that I would love to see again. Would the misery of having to sit through an assembly balance with the joy of seeing my family and some old friends?

  Does anyone have any words of wisdom to help me decide? I wish more than anything that they could just love me for me and get to know who I really am. I've told them before that I just want to be their daughter and their blood sister, and maybe not necessarily their spiritual sister, but they can't differentiate. It blows my mind that I used to be just like them.
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  Gopher

  You've now left "JW Planet" and have entered the "reality zone". Those in JW planet react with an odd mixture of fear and anger over your rejection of their theology. They're afraid that you're different, and how that will look to others. They're angry with you.

  They say they're the religion of love, but that only applies if you play BY THEIR RULES. Once you try to have a normal "family / non-spiritual" relationship them, they get afraid once again.

  Yes the JW's set boundaries on the love that is allowed to be shown. Your family is playing by their rules.

  How to cope with it? It's your choice. Would going by their rules, attending their meetings and such, actually be enabling them to continue with their horrible choice (one we once agreed with ourselves)?

  It's tough. I cannot speak to any of my JW family members. My DA'd sister and I are at wit's end trying to get our folks to stop shunning us. But it's to no avail.

  You are walking a fine line right now, but soon things will come to a head. You have to be prepared for emotional abandonment, because that's the way they play their game. But if there's any way you can keep the connection with some of them, it's to your advantage and theirs. But maybe you won't feel the need to play by their rules to do so. (Like their illustration, you have to invite the child out of the mud before you can clean him up -- so likewise you have to be able to deal with family members on non-JW terms, otherwise there is no possibility of any real loving relationship.)

  Sigh. I wish you the best.
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  Austrian

  I went through a couple of years of skirting the subject. My family would always try in some way work Jehovah in every conversation we had. I would ask, especially my mom, not to talk about the subject. But JW's are well trained and will bring it up everytime. I finally exploded one day and said how I felt about the religion and it didn't sit well with the parents as you could imagine. I haven't talked to my parents scince that day. My wife works with my sister overheard how they have been trying to work this problem out. I don't know how because I haven't heard from them in over a year.

  The biggest help for me has come from my wife. She has made sure that her family( who are Catholic ) shower me with extra family love. Be strong and know there are many, many others going through this horrible problem. We all can support each other and hope that maybe this will change...
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  BluesBrother

  they asked if I had "turned my back on Jehovah

  That it is the root of the problem . The faithfull cannot diferentiate between our decision to not follow the WTS, and a total rejection of our Creator. To them it is one and the same

  I get called a lot of things including the claim that I have bitten the hand that fed me, or that I think I know better than God does etc etc.

  All the time they have the attitude of "Love me, love my religion", it is very hard to maintain peaceful relations. From what you say, it sounds as though you would hate a day at the Assembly

  Think hard, but they seem to give you little choice but to decline to go.
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  peacefulpete

  We faced a similar appeal to return to Jehovah and go to the "special talk". Actually my sister invited my wife but has written me off as evil. Anyways the answer we gave was to ask them if they will speak to us there if they knew we had attended only to see them. She of course said "no not if that is your reason". We calmly and with pain in our voice said it was unfair and unkind for them to make us conceal our motives for attending so as to see them again. She said " don't make me feel guilty!!!" and hung up. We have not been asked again. We hope this was not creating a greater rift but it apparently made her think about what she was asking for a second.
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  starfish422

  They say they're the religion of love, but that only applies if you play BY THEIR RULES

  My therapist calls that "conditional love".
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  shamus

  Of course you are in a tough spot ------- no two ways about it.

  Either go, or, if you don't, just tell them that you are working... works for me everytime!
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  Charmed

  Thanks everyone. It really does help to know that others have been or are currently in this same situation with their families. I wish I could just shake some sense into them sometimes.

  Shamus, I had thought of that actually, but unfortunately, they know I never have to work on weekends, so I can't use that excuse if I decide not to go. I'll have to come up with something else.

  Pete, I'm sorry your family is doing this to you too. You give good advice though. Maybe I will say that to them and then decide based on their reaction. And sometimes I think like you that I don't want to cause a bigger rift in our relationship and other times I sorta wish they'd happen upon this site and realize I am Charmed and then they'd just know I wasn't going to be a JW anymore w/o me actually having to tell them someday.

  BluesBrother, you are right, I would hate a day at the assembly. I haven't been to a cult gathering since last year's assembly. I didn't even go to the Memorial this year.

  Austrian, I have been trying to get closer to my husband family thinking that they will help fill the hole in my heart, but it's just not the same. We have no history. I miss laughing with my family at my Dad's dumb jokes, and I miss my little sister and I saying things at the exact same time because we knew how each other thought so perfectly.
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  cruzanheart

  My therapist said something yesterday that I found profound. She said that I need to grieve and sort out three things: the life I thought I had, the life I wanted to have, and the life I really had. This was in connection with the Witnesses and my dad's death, and it's given me a lot to think about. Charmed, I understand your dilemma and the pain you feel. I miss things about my dad and even about how I used to feel when I was a kid JW, but now I have to look at it through different eyes and see whether the relationship was good for me or hurt me.

  Don't get hurt, okay?

  Nina
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  obiwan

  Wow cruz, talk about opening your eye's, that's alot for me to digest this early in the morning. I am definitely going to ponder on your therapist suggestion...that's exactly what I need to do.

  Charmed I know you don't want to get into a debate with your parents, but ask them to think about the scripture that talks about unconditional love, but that may open another can of worms all together.