There is No Way Out For Me

by Addison0998 23 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • Crazyguy

    Look while you living at home there’s nothing you can do so don’t fight it. Make a plan for an education so you can have a better life when you leave your parents house. When you have moved make sure to move away from your parents congregation then reduce your meeting attendance to maybe one a week. As far as hours in service . Go out once maybe twice a month and fake your hours. Go out maybe for a couple of actual real hours but put down 6-8 hours in a month. Enough so they leave you alone but not to much where they start to want to groom you as a MS or something.

    You can go one this way all your life if you wish.

  • Giordano

    Addison you have been hard wired to live this life whether you believe in it or not. And you are supposed to be grateful that not only did your parents raise you this way....... they want to be constantly thanked by you for their effort. So the best thanks is to attend meetings, get some time in and not doing something that would call for you being marked or DF.

    The idea that you have grown up to question all of this...that you may not share the same beliefs or attitude as when you were baptized........ does not occur to the believing JW family.

    I have come to the conclusion that there is no way for me to ever leave. Although I have some friends at work, my whole social structure are witnesses.

    Of course there is a way for you to leave. The natural process is that children grow up, leave home and have a life of their own.You have to stay on the 'down low' (that refer's to any activity or relationship that needs to be discreet) as you make plans to leave.

    To make a successful fade, of some sort, you are going to need time and distance......... privacy and emotional strength. If you want to pray to God for that strength do so.

    What will be a big help would be to find at least one or two people you can be friendly with people who demonstrate good sense and maturity. Here's a clue.............Don't just focus on a compatible age........ look at everyone around you at work, or school, or in any setting that allows you to say "feel like getting a cup of coffee" after, class, exercise etc. Be aware of all ages and experiences that could be available to you.

    Also re-think things about your parents. In the future you will be paying rent. Right now your attendance at meetings, service and the rent you pay to live under your parent's roof.

    Tune out during the meetings if you need won't be missing anything......... you've heard the same stuff your entire life.

    Do have fun with your friends who are JW's. Out in service make sure it's not you who says "now that we got our time started let's go for coffee."

    Protect your privacy on any device your parents, siblings or friends can access. More people get 'turned in' because a family member or close friend see's something they shouldn't.

    Think out of the box when you cultivate a new friend.

    Think about higher education....... even a 2 year degree from a community school can put you into the running for a decent job/ career.

    You are part of a group on this and many other forums, thousands who are dealing with exactly how you feel and what you want to achieve.

    It takes a certain level of maturity to deal with these issues. Most people never experience the religious hostility towards independent thinking.

    We are here to's what we do.

  • Della Street
    Della Street

    I understand your situation. My recommendation is a long fade. If you aren't depressed, you can fake it. Depression is one of the only reasons JWs will accept for fading. The sooner you can move out, the better it will be. Letting go of family is hard, and everyone does it to a greater or lesser degree.I've been out over 10 years and am still letting go bit by bit.

    I will say though, the more that you disconnect from the JWs and realize how unhealthy it is, the easier it will be to make friends on the outside and to build a real life. It isn't easy, but I can assure you it is worth it and you will be a lot happier. The younger you are when you do it, the better. It's a hard realization at 46 that I have wasted so much of my life trying to please people in a cult. So. Not Worth. It.

    You've got lots of support. Do as much as you can without raising too many red flags. But I'd say start planting the "i"m mentally ill" seeds now. It is one of the only ways out.


  • cha ching
    cha ching

    What everyone else says is great....

    One thing I did when leaving, to keep people off my trail (like being hunted) was just "turn in time"... that means I didn't even go door to door... I just wrote numbers on a time slip, it's very freeing, haha. After all, if there is no Jehovah, or if JWs are not the "true religion", it is all a bunch of bunk, and you are just playing a game..... so "play the game" and write numbers on a piece of paper.

    Second thing: when you DO move out (will you still be in the same hall?) you can have excuses... "My water pipe broke" "Traffic held me up" "I got a headache from my boss" "I felt nauseated" and no one will know. No one can see... Just spread these events out at first. Come late to the meeting "Boss had me work longer, was witnessing to someone, had a bad traffic jam" ... Do NOT answer at the meetings, sit in the back, leave right away.... this will make you 'less seen', less noticed... you will become a ghost.

    You can always add in an appearance of "I am doing great" from time to time... Hopefully, you will be going to a new hall. That would be great!

    Best to you!

  • steve2

    Such good advice given in this thread. Unlike JWs who base decisions on urgency, time is on your side. There is absolutely no need to do anything in the short term. Every time you feel panicky, remind yourself this is an over-learnt response to being in the organization. Draw upon the wisdom of others on this forum who understand your plight and may have even been through what you are going through. Once you get a little bit more independence, you will probably find options that weren’t there earlier. Best wishes! Steve.

  • JaniceA

    At the Hall you can get a feel for who’s into it and who just taking up space. Watch them and learn how they manage it.

    get an education and get a career that has you living overseas or traveling a lot if that suits you. You seem young. You can build your life the way that suits you rather than you parents or the org.

    When pressed, for now, you don’t have to pretend to be into it. Reluctantly acquiescing isn’t defiance but it also can’t get you df’d. It will let your folks know you won’t be applying to bethel or pioneering.

  • Pete Zahut
    Pete Zahut

    Thank you all so much for your advice. I’m planning on living on my own soon so I’m trying to come to a decision and trying to see my life play out with either decision. It’s very scary stepping into the unknown... of a normal

    Even without the JW issue, It's often scary for young ones when they contemplate leaving home and consider the future before them, especially when they don't have concrete plans made. The future can look quite daunting if you look at it all at once rather than take it day by day. You're not the first one to feel this way nor will you be the first one to overcome those feeling, move forward and grow by facing and accomplishing an important milestone.

    I think I'd take it a step at a time so that you won't become overcome with fear or paralyzed by indecision. I'd focus on getting out on my own before I though about tackling the JW problem as well. Once you get out on your own, you'll find you're not as dependent on your families approval on every little thing. They'll get used to your independence and you'll make sure that they don't intrude on your personal business the way they likely do now.

    You can start setting boundaries now by not asking for your families advice or approval on every little thing (unless of course it's something really important and you do in fact need their advice). You can start doing little things such as going somewhere (safe) or doing some (safe) activity without telling them in advance or reporting in with them or answering their questions afterward.

    Little by little you can phase yourself out of your current life as much or as little as you want. At first it might be a missed day of field service or a meeting here and there. You'll get comfortable with giving your family vague but unapologetic responses when they inquire as to your whereabouts.

    Soon after you move out you'll need to set even stronger boundaries, otherwise their old habit of being intrusive will continue.

    Mom: You weren't at the meeting, where were you last night?

    You: Mom, I love you to death but out of principal, I'm not going to answer questions like that anymore. I'm not trying to be secretive with you but you're going to have to get used to not keeping track of my every move and expecting me to answer every question you put to me. You raised me to be smart and to make wise choices so you'll just have to trust that I'm capable of conducting my life without you having to monitor me.

    You'll get good at not feeling as if you have to explain yourself to them. You'll enjoy seeing them see you in a whole new way.

  • LV101

    Thankfully, you have great advice and ideas here. Focus on education for your future independence/livelihood and take one day at a time trying to live your own life -- it's yours and you are not a slave. Everything will fall in place --one way or the other and your brain will work it all out. Be positive and enjoy your journey to freedom.

  • scratchme1010

    Sorry to hear that you feel like you are in a difficult situation. I hope you find a way where you can reconcile your family and your own believes.

    We are always here regardless.

  • DesirousOfChange

    If you are prepared for the costs, then move out on your own. Supporting a household is NOT cheap.

    That would mean you have a good source of income. A good job/career. If you do not, then you need to work on developing that before you worry about leaving the nest. As a couple have already mentioned, GET AN EDUCATION THAT WILL LAND YOU A JOB TO SUPPORT YOURSELF.

    Whether you end up going to work or to school, start building yourself a network of friends there. You will need them after the JDubs start limiting their association with you.

    Good luck!

    The greatest revenge is living a happy & successful life!

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