by Drifting Away 11 Replies latest jw friends
So for those that are fading, I have been fading for almost 6 months now. Havent been to a meeting, assembly, service, etc. I no longer believe it is the truth.
How long did you wait before celebrating holidays, if in fact you are even celebrating them. I have no issues, but wife is still a little reserved,
I want to say something about myself. I abruptly left the JWs back in 2001. I sent in my letter of dissociation (along with my husband). My reasons was because I had discovered just too much about it, that was false. Anyways, that very first year (and the next few years after) I did all the holidays. I was raised in that group, so I guess I was making up for all the years as a child that I missed out on it. Anyways, after the newness of it wore off, the holidays are something that I do struggle with, and not for the reasons I was taught in the JW religion. When it comes to your wife, only she will be the one to decide on when and if she will ever be ready, one can not put a time limit on things like this. She might eventually feel comfortable, or this might be something she'll always have issues with.
I started with holidays about a year into my fade. I still do not go crazy because of my family. Anyway, just ease into it, and take your time. Actually, there are a lot of holiday things JW people do that they excuse away such as enjoying Christmas lights, eating Halloween candy, and wishing one another a happy birthday (or a congratulations).
While she may object to holiday decor in your home, like a Christmas tree, she likely will not object to it at a high-class resort or comfortable inn. Perhaps take her out to celebrate the holidays and surprise her with a gift. Don't forget her birthday either. It will make her feel special and loved. A lot of JWs I know actually enjoy having an unbelieving mate because they get the best of both worlds.
If you want to fade and not get DFD do not, even after many years:
Put your Xmas party on facebook ... ever
Put a pumpkin on your porch at Hallowe'en
Let a dub see your Xmas tree
A couple years for myself, the fact is you yourself can discern if you want to cerebrate any secular religious holiday or cerebration , that includes the many in distant lands such as Africa and South America.
Christmas for example is a over commercialized annoyance in my opinion, many religoius and non-religious people feel the same way. Its a time a like to travel away from all the going ons.
Never a JW, I cannot imagine not decorating the house for any of the holidays BUT for Christmas NOW that requires an entire house transformation. When I moved from up north and my son and future dil were helping unload the PODS she commented there seems to be 4 Christmas trees here and an excessive amount of very large boxes marked Christmas decorations. My son's reply "you just wait". Then she came across a box that said Christmas Birds. She said "Dear I am afraid these will not be alive stuck in this large box for this long."
When December finally came and I started putting up decorations she could not believe it. She allows my grandkids near the Christmas tree in the family room. She carries her kids through the living room, she is still scared to allow them anywhere near that tree, actually she won't walk up close to it. Her comment was that is just to must crystal.
I put up a full Nativity. I full town with train set. Then there are flower arrangements on every surface in the house. Plus huge wreaths on the outside of the house. When my kids were small they had their own small trees in their bedrooms.
I just love decorating!!! It is not just the holidays. I constantly change the decorations in my home. Otherwise it would get boring.
And yes I would tell the "Elder" about my decorating for the holidays every year. His only comment was before I converted we would put up a lot of decorations.
It took me about a year a half before I could celebrate anything, and even then I couldn't enjoy because I was so racked with an unexplained guilt.
I don't think there is a magic number as when to start. It's different for everyone. It is an amazing feeling when you can start celebrating birthdays and holidays with no guilt. I hope it takes you less time than it took me.
I've left for 3 years. To be honest I just can't be bothered with the whole thing. Havnt celebrated anything as of yet.
I started to secretly do holidays in the early part of my "fade" in 2001....I sent out Christmas cards to many people. It felt good to rejoin the human race after being in the vacuum of the Witness religion.
I resumed contact with relatives and it was the best thing I ever did. No regrets.
I worked into it slowly and it felt weird for a looong time. My birthday here at work still makes me anxious, we are not used to be fussed over. Even though I know it is fun and they like to make a big deal, and I like to do the same for others, Jiminy-christmas...it's hard to accept the attention after how we were raised.
I secretly loved the winter holidays years before I left...I like shiny sparkly things and tink-ly music. I started by buying calendars for the staff probably two years after I left. Now I'm in the full swing of things and have holiday doo dads all around. A day of reckoning will come sometime with my brother who is an COBE/elder. But he lives out of town and what will happen I think is that he will be disappointed. And there is no resolving that...either you get it or you don't.
I was lucky that a few of us who met here on the board about the same time started stumbling together on our first Christmases and holidays. We got to enjoy it and also talk about our feelings. We all like shiny sparkly things. In fact one year, a couple from here, Aude Sapere and I went to a Christmas evening celebration at a Unitarian church...don't even know what it is called. Then we had a late dinner after.
So my suggestion is to do what you like...it is weird at first, but if you enjoy it...it is lovely to celebrate everything. Yes, holidays are commercial, but if you enjoy the process...it doesn't matter. If you are uncomfortable or it's not your thing...just don't worry about it. You are free now.
