Gamaliel, first of all I thank you for being so open about your feelings. I trust that my openness in return is not offensive. Since you suggested that we pick this topic up on another thread, I offer to start:
My moral or ethical decision to help someone is based on my beliefs, not theirs.
Those last 2 words just crank me right up the wall. That's exactly what I thought and did for all my life as a JW. And, imho, that approach to life doesn't deserve being described as moral or ethical (social terms) but as selfish (a non-judgmental personal term).
Don't take me wrong here; there's nothing intrinsically wrong with being selfish, nothing at all. But it does make a difference when we frankly admit "I'm doing this because I'm selfish" and choose options for other human beings "because I'm selfish."
When and if I ever make a decision for another human being based strictly and solely on my own personal opinion, I won't try to dress it up as moral and ethical.