Jidders - Glad you are still participating in this conversation and VERY glad that you are getting support for anxiety. A professional therapist who understands 'exiting high control groups' may be a very good next step for you to help you feel even better a little quicker.
You wrote: I honestly feel if Jehovah/Yahweh was with them then he's making
naked the sins of those holding the reigns but failing to direct the
horse, so to speak
I had similar thought when I walked out of the Kingdom Hall one Sunday many years ago. I hung on to that thought for almost 15 years. I thought they were heading down a wrong path and that my staying associated with the org and not say anything was being complicit with their sins. I could not in good conscience silently sit in my seat at the hall. And I could not say anything for fear of 'causing divisions' and retaliation for insubordination. I felt my only option was to step aside and let the org figure out and correct their errors. Only THEN I would consider reactivating myself.
After 15 years (I did not do research and did not talk to anyone because I did not want to stumble anyone with my own doubts), I eventually found other xjws (on Randy Waters' Freeminds site and here on JWN) and came to believe that the JWs are not - and never were - God's chosen org and love does govern them. They do not imitate Jesus' heart.
Love does not motivate JWs.
Fear, obligation, guilt and duty are what motivates most of them.
Fear of displeasing a 'loving' god. Really?
Fear of suffering the wrath of a 'loving' god. Seriously??
587 v 607 = 1914 is not significant in Jehovah's selection of the Bible Students selection of the FDS. They claimed this favored status for themselves. Actually
Judge Rutherfraud Rutherford claimed that status for himself.
For what it's worth, these 3 issues were the ones that convinced me that I was wasting my time and life waiting for the org to 'get back on track':
607 / 587
Mexico / Malawi
They never were on the right track. They were not specially chosen by God.
They never would be.
It was time for me to get on with my life. If life really is a gift from God, I need to show appreciation of that life by using my talents and finding ways to both enjoy my life. Sitting in a Kingdom Hall and waiting for the NewSystem was not showing appreciation for *this* life that really exists now. It came to feel more like I was squandering my time and life in a high-control group that was never specially chosen as god's favored people.
I needed to change that.
And I have not regretted or apologized for creating a better life for myself. I am happy and appreciative for what I have.