by new boy 41 Replies latest jw experiences
My doubts about the WTS over the years started coming together, I was scared and confused of what was going on in my mind. I had been talking with my daughter about it for several weeks. when one day in the middle of the conversation she stopped me, and quietly said "Mom, it's a cult."
That was the defining moment.
What has been your defining moments?
Interestingly enough, I found this post on Thanksgiving day, and it was the first Thanksgiving day when I had my defining moment. I had left the JWs a year prior or so, and I had a boyfriend. That relationship ended soon after I left, so i was pretty much alone and with not a lot to do in Thanksgiving day.
I started walking around the empty streets in the town I was living at the time, not knowing where to go or what to do. I wasn't sad, nor was I depressed, and I definitely wasn't interested in going back to that --it hole of a congregation I walked away from.
For the first time I felt free to choose the direction, my life was going to take. Not knowing what that was, but my resolution at the time was to prove both my effed-up family and the effed-up religion I grew up in wrong about what they all expected me to be or become.
While walking down the rather empty streets, I started hearing merengue music. I walked towards the music and found this Dominican woman who placed a tent almost in the middle of the street and was selling sandwiches to passersby. Her friendliness, her enthusiasm, her zest for life, or her I don't-know-what was just contagious. What could have been a sad lonely day turned out to be a nice experience with that lady. A group of people who seemingly were like me formed and it became this rather impromptu party.
That's when I decided to enroll in college. I decided that my new boyfriend's name was "Polytechnic University". A few years (and lots of dollars) later, I had my college degree and was well in the way of taking my life where I decided to be.
Something about the happiness and sense of comfort in her own skin that the Dominican woman had made me feel great, made me feel in charge, inspired. Something sparked that day by just seeing her. She was not worried about anything. She just got her things, put a tent and started making sandwiches without knowing (or worrying) about if there will be any customers. She just took the actions and had a great time while at it.
Decades later, I look back and see that Thanksgiving day that year was one of the best first days of the rest of my life, definitely a defining moment, and a great one.
I was born to JW parents in 1957 which makes me 6O years old,
Anybody here knows how all mentally and emotionally encompassing this "thing" is so it's no surprise to anyone that my "defining moment (s)" has to do with the "thing"
I had raised my two children "well" so that if they died in A it would not be my fault,
Had gone through the 1995 generation shock and held out until the children left,
It was now 2000,
I was sitting on the floor downstairs,
And I thought, at this point, almost on a subconscious level,
I thought of listening to Knorr on the grass of Yankee Stadium,
And I thought about A and the idea of Jehovah destroying 7 Billion and saving these measly few self righteous merciless people,
And two things came to mind,
(To the effect of) THESE PEOPLE ARE BAT CRAP CRAZY!!
And I DO NOT WANT TO BE ONE OF JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES!!!!!!!!
That is how I began my blessed journey out!!!
I was 14 when I resolved to read the entire New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures from cover to cover. Before I had finished Numbers, I was literally (in the correct sense of that word) nauseous. Apparently, Jehovah is a strong advocate of capital punishment, genocide, infanticide, and raping children. I mean, as a JW I didn't exactly have a nice 'n cuddly view of God to begin with, but this stuff really shocked me!
My beliefs were shattered and I made the imprudent decision of consulting my mother about it who, at a loss, called the elders to talk to me. I was hoping they might tell me how it was all a mistranslation or some other half-assed explanation. No such luck. An elder I had known for years, the father of my best friend in fact, assured me that everything I had read really happened. God is a frelling magalomaniacal psycopathic bastard but hey, he's all-powerful and since there aren't any other gods to run to, I had best get my shit together (Okay, he didn't exactly use those word choices, but that was the gist of his argument).
I didn't really try to argue with him much. I didn't know what to say. I kept going to meetings but didn't participate and didn't go out in service anymore. I wasn't allowed to visit my best friend anymore but, since she didn't make any effort to speak to me at the meetings, I guess I can't blame her dad for our alienation. My other friend, who had always been very macho, kinda wrote me off after I became a vegetarian and started dressing 'like a faggot'. With no friends left I had no reason to continue going to meetings so I officially left the Watchtower at 17 years of age.
I'm still a vegetarian and dress faggier than I ever dared before (I've since learned that the proper term is 'metrosexual') but my new friend is cool with it even though he loves meat and often doesn't even bother wearing a shirt. I've learned that not only can opposites co-exist, they can be best pals; something I've offered to teach my old JW friends but, so far, without success
That was a comment I made to a co-worker one time about the wonders of the human body , apparently he was a born in just coming back into the "truth" after being stumbled previously and after working with him for a number of years knowing he was" different" confided he was a JW , which I had never heard of at that time and I was 19.
Curiosity got me to read any and everything he had , the name of God Jehovah being the defining mark.
That was what got me into the religion
After about 10 years in the religion a couple we hadnt seen in a few years called on us to say they were now living interstate and encouraged us to join them ,within 6 months later we went interstate and remained for the next 37 years
That was two defining moments in our lives. and not all bad I might add.Their were some positives.
Birth of my daughter. The 10 seconds of silence when she finally arrived, then the rush of relief when she finally cried which means she's breathing and she's alive. Those 10 seconds of wondering will she live or has she died in childbirth? Never wanting to repeat those 10 seconds again meant i questioned the blood doctrine seriously. Which lead me to what the Jewish law ACTUALLY said. I knew i'd been duped to believe some bumbling GB members current opinion of what the bible said rather than letting people make their own choices.
It was steady decline from then on from the Org to TTATT.
Never looked back.
there has been many but the most defining was in the aftermath of the WACO Texas siege, I had faded completely was was not vocalising any doubts on doctrine etc and was not really looking to, I was burnt out mentally my marriage was close to collapse and I didn't feel I could turn to anyone but the news media was covering the siege extensively we also began to hear the world "cult" mentioned far more, other groups began to me mentioned especially the WTS, Mormons, Amish, Moonies, Jim Jones etc. One particular night I was driving around listening to a talk show on the radio, the theme was about the siege and they had an expert on cults answering calls about cults and sects etc and if anyone was worried about any friends and family members who maybe involved with any cults to call the number that was mentioned after the show, naturally I called and thats where my life changed completely that night, I was put into contact with Reachout Trust an evangelical christian outreach group who although I did not subscribe to their brand of exiting cults etc they had a very well stocked office of reading material, R Franz' books Doug Harris' Awake to the Watchtower, the rest is history I purchased a few books and would read read and read, my fate was sealed, I voiced my doubts and another roller coaster of of emotions and trauma was about to begin, I got out of that marriage survived a JC and carried on with my fade and moved away two years later and never looked back.
The moment that changed the direction of my life completely took place on my knees moments after I fully realized I could change my behaviour (stop having pre-marital sex, getting drunk etc.) but I couldn't change my heart.
When I realised there was no god, spirits, angels, ghosties or goolies. When I realised there is no tangible evidence that I've seen to prove these things, or UFOs, aliens, reptillian royal scroungers falilies. When I finally stopped pretending that people do anything for other than selfish motives, even if that motive is a cosy feeling that they did something nice.
When I realised this, I realised that there is no point to life or the human race.
