My dad had questions pretty early on after joining up. But he stayed in and raised his kids in it. I know that he and others either had questions or their cognitive dissonance wasn't fully intact because I remember get-togethers where he and my mom, and the parents of two other families would talk about what they disagreed with and what didn't make sense. It was a lot like the conversations here on this site. I know he had questions of his own because I remember him learning Greek so that he could read the Greek scriptures trying to translate them himself. I remember him sitting in the KH with a Greek scriptures bible studying it hard while the meeting went on.
Having overheard those conversations when i was a kid, actually helped me when I left. There was logic and reasoning in those conversations. Those conversations made my own questions feel less stupid. Those conversations helped me use my own logic and reasoning.
What I don't understand to this day, is why my dad had questions and didn't share them with us. He has a lot of guilt now for raising us kids to be JWs. And in my mind, I feel that is a reasonable feeling for him to have. He had the questions but he never gave us the tools he had. He joined up. He had a huge frame of reference that us kids were never privy to. He could have shared that with us.
I mean, if you really want your kids to make up their own minds then you have to give them all the tools. Not just 'the truth'. You need to help them learn how to think critically, logically, and with reason. You need to show them how important context is. You need to give them a frame of reference. What my Dad did right was that he made us kids look up and write a report on all the religions we didn't celebrate. He made us use resources outside of the JW books. So we learned the truth about the holidays and where they came from. Then we talked about the JW beliefs for not celebrating... but we ended up agreeing that we shouldn't be celebrating pagan celebrations because we aren't pagan. We didn't agree to not celebrate because we were JWs. That is critical thinking and it means we held the same practices as the JWs, but we had logic and reasoning that works behind our actions. That was pretty smart of our dad.
So, why not let them go to the memorial and then have a talk about what happened, why, what it means, etc. Give them crticial thinking choices now. Really offer your kids ideas and options. Your kids aren't stupid. And they aren't too young to talk about anything if those things are discussed with knowledge.
I grew up hearing about incest, rape, masturabation, and etc. and it was inappropriate because it was all taken out of context, some of it was abiguous while other parts were graphically clear, and none of it had any real logic or reasoning. I remember the bible story book about Dinah. She layed down with a man and then a lot of people were murdered. If anyone had ever said, no that isn't what happened. That man forced her to have sex with him. He hurt her. But their laws said that everything was okay because he married her. She was still hurt and her brothers were angry. That is all very understandable. There is logic and understanding in that story. It never made sense to me the way the JW presented it. And even worse it made me feel even more scared of normal choices because all that girl did was lie down next to someone.
If it were me... I would (if I were emotionally capable) I would go with my children. And then I would give them the tools to see it for what it is. I would help them. I would allow them to have good or bad feelings about it. But I would discuss everything they saw and why. And then I would take them to midnight mass or another Catholic ceremony where the members all get up and partake. And I would discuss that and how it is different and why it happens. And then I would see if there were any other religions that have any similar ceremonies and see if I could have my children attend. And we would talk and discuss afterwards each time. I would give my children a frame of reference of their own, because I don't have a frame of reference myself. If you can't attend other ceremonies then you can certainly look them up and learn and discuss them. Even if your husband is there, the same way my mother was there, you can have these discussions. Knowledge is power. Teaching your children about other religions isn't wrong in the JWs. You can give them critical thinking skills even if your husband is telling them what to think. You can also teach your kids to play chess or any game of logic. You can discuss anything with your kids using logic and critical thinking and it will help them fight the cognitive dissonance.
You can't make other people see what they don't want to see. But you can give your children options and tools and you can help them to be critical thinkers. Critical thinking is always a first step in leaving the cult because the cult doesn't make any real sense. Both of my parents taught myself and my siblings to be critical thinkers. Three of us left the cult. One stayed in because she can pretend to live in her perfect world that she controls. You can't make people see what they don't want to see.