Being your own best friend!

by LDH 16 Replies latest jw friends

  • Sentinel
    Sentinel

    Wow. This is deep. I used to be my own worst enemy. Even before the JW thing intered our life when I was young, I felt like I wasn't accepted or loved. I have asked myself why I felt this way, and I've since learned that I was an intelligent child, and had lots of questions. Adults in my life did not address my needs. I was always discounted and never had any physical affection or "I love you's", etc., from my father. I was always just "a child", or "just a kid", and "just a girl". What did I know.

    I was in tune with adults, perhaps more than they liked. I was very perceptive, and they felt I should be seen and not heard; and otherwise, not even seen. I grew up believing that I didn't matter, that no one understood me. My desires, my dreams, my hopes, my questions were not validated. They were ignored. I was ignored. Perhaps that comes from the situation that I lived in.

    When my mother got involved with JW's, I saw a way to be something special. It worked for a while, until I matured a bit more, and realized I didn't agree with the doctrines, and I had a problem being subject to an organization. Again, I felt all alone. My mother, who had been my friend, suddenly I had no one to talk to. Although I was a good and loyal daughter, I felt there were no rewards for it. The truth is, I didn't love myself, because I felt that I was unworthy. My self-esteem was very low.

    Now, I know differently. I learned to love myself, and understand that people show and give different types of love. My father loved me the best he knew how. I forgave him a long time ago, for not loving me the way I needed to be loved as his daughter.

    In general, I like mysellf. I'm happy to have experienced the things I have, including the JW thing, because I truly believe it has helped me be a "better me". When there is no one else, there is always "me", and that's alright. I don't mind being alone with myself anymore. I can look in the mirror and smile.

  • shamus
    shamus

    Boner,

    Good point - I am happy in a strange way - that I did go through the WTS and believe their lies. It was a humbling experience to me - humbling in that I found that I was not this "perfect" person. I have a lot more sympathy for people.

    I know that a point was made about "just getting on with life", and I know where you are coming from, too. There are people out there - NOT ON THIS BOARD - that feel sorry for themselves, and just keep looking back and whining their whole lives - oh boo hoo, I have low self esteem, that's why I do crack. I have a step-sister that is like that, and its just stupid. They just can't get themselves out of the gutter, and help themselves and blame it on their daddy dying 35 years ago. (A cousin of mine). Hopefully people won't get too offended by his / her remark, b/c I think that is what you were meaning.

    It took years to like myself, and I still struggle with it b/c of my medical condition. However, I will prevail, and am certainly trying to get on with my life. I know that most here are too!

  • ESTEE
    ESTEE

    The WT teaches co-dependency....not healthy...and self-esteem certainly will take a beating. The only way outta that mindset, I found...was to purge the jw-isms outta my life... ...and replace them with something much healthier. Happily, that has been done. The results show a definite improvement in self-esteem. I only did it 'cuz I love meeeee enough to want to "fix" my life.

    ESTEE

  • Lutece
    Lutece

    I love this forum for posts like this one!

    I used to write lists every single freaking day of what I needed to do to be a better person and how I need to do more, be more, etc. I hated how I never measured up, how I looked, etc. Dammit, I never liked myself much when I was a witness and what a damn shame. I'm a pretty cool person! lol

    I never knew what freedom from my own mental trappings was until I left the destructive influence of the JW religion. I was so loaded down with worries, guilt and disappointment, I never even enjoyed the good times. Life is so much better now that I'm free. I'm just mad that I didn't do it sooner. I'm a better friend to myself and along with that, I'm a better friend to everyone else too.

    I wish I lived closer to LyinEyes, you have such a sweet heart. You are a genuinely wonderful person, do you realize that?

    hugs, Anne

  • LyinEyes
    LyinEyes

    Awwwwwww thanks Anne, you are so sweet ,,,,,, I too wish we lived closer together, there are so many good people here,,,,,,,,,we should all move to the same town.....lol. It would be alot of fun wouldnt it.......??

    Glad to see you posting again, I have been wondering how things are going for you,,,,,, you sound great , and I hope to see more post from ya,,,,,,,,hugs LyinEyes/Dede

  • LDH
    LDH

    Sentinel,

    I love your posts, I wish I had time to read more of them.

    Lutece,

    I used to write lists every single freaking day of what I needed to do to be a better person and how I need to do more, be more, etc. I hated how I never measured up, how I looked, etc. Dammit, I never liked myself much when I was a witness and what a damn shame. I'm a pretty cool person! lol

    This is really deep. Wow, I'm so glad you stopped doing that. That must have been pretty depressing, huh?

    So many good thoughts here by others, too.

    Lisa

  • Jim_TX
    Jim_TX

    Hey Dede!!!

    You bring up an interesting point! If all ex-JWs moved to a town - and that town consisted of ONLY ex-JWs... ya know... DF'ed or DA'ed - would there be JW doorknockers visiting that town?

    Hmmmmm... methinks I shall go and think on that a bit.

    Regards,

    Jim TX

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