UPDATE: My existential crisis comes to a close

by Freeandclear 20 Replies latest jw friends

  • Freeandclear

    Hello again all of you. In case you read my other thread regarding my existential crisis and how it was making my life miserable and left me feeling hopeless, purposeless and joyless I though I'd share what's recently happened to me and my way of thinking and how I've for the time being resolved my existential crisis.

    I write every day in a journal. I've been doing this for years. I'm an introspective type and I'd rather write my thoughts down to get them out than to try and discuss all this stuff with another person..... So what follows is a direct quote from my journal from a few days ago, hope you enjoy it and I sincerely hope it helps someone else. Also, thanks to all of you who gave me advice in the other thread.

    And now...... existential crisis resolved.

    So the other night -- "I went to bed and I did something I haven't done in a long time. I prayed. I basically said that I need god. I'm tired of being mad at him or blaming him. And it's true, I do need God in my life. Not in the JW way or any other religion's way but in my own way. And honestly I really feel that in order for me to continue on with life I have to find a way to include the idea of god. Why? Because to my mind without something greater than myself there is no hope, no point to any of this. The best I can think of for now is this: I don't have all the big answers, no one does, they are in fact unknowable, thus those answers must not be meant for us at this time. In other words, it doesn't belong to me to know the answers. All I can do is look around me and enjoy the beauty that life has to offer and go on day by day trusting that something greater exists and that someday I will have the answers. I mean when I die either that's it and it's over and I won't even know it anyway (and if I exclude the idea of God then I miss out on the wonder and beauty of this one life) or something does happen and then I will know at least that one answer: what happens after I die? Also, it felt very good to pray. I cried. I felt comforted. I felt heard. I don't know if any of that is just a figment of my imagination or a process unique to the human mind or what but it's something. I got some peace from my existential crisis and some small amount of hope. I can't focus on THEN, if I do that I'm simply doing the same thing I was conditioned to do as a JW, I must live for the now, and appreciate the time I have here now. Life is short and it's flying by, it will all be over before I know it, so why not enjoy the ride. Take pleasure in the simple things. A warm beautiful day, walking and talking with someone I care about or find interesting, being kind to others, petting an animal, seeing the fish in the ocean, watching the sunset, breathing in the sea air, etc.... there are a million things to enjoy and to love and take pleasure in all without hurting anyone else. And if I include the idea of God then I also have someone to talk to and to thank and to rely upon and to give me hope for something after, something better, greater, or at least something. So that's what I'VE decided to believe. To exclude him would be suicide for me. I know this. It's too much a part of who I am as a human. Maybe it's all bunk, but the alternative is worse, much much worse....no hope, despair and misery. So therefore He's in. :) And I'm happier for it. I will keep my eye out for his answers and his voice and I will try and let him lead me, even if it is just my own mind or consciousness influencing the universe and electrons around me, whatever it is it FEELS real thus for me it is real. End of story really. Glad that is taken care of to be honest. I have been dying inside over this quandary and I'm now okay and much more at peace with everything. Just like that."

  • rebelfighter

    I absolutely loved reading this.

  • LisaRose

    Good for you, I think you have arrived at a very healthy place in your spiritual journey.

  • Nameless

    "that's what I'VE decided to believe"

    And that's how it should be, regardless of what anyone else believes or doesn't believe!

  • problemaddict 2
    problemaddict 2

    Well done. Believe what you need to, in order to function and be happy. When you are dead, if there is nothing, then you won't even know.

  • Island Man
    Island Man

    Whatever makes you happy.

  • Vanderhoven7

    Congratulations. Glad you are seeking His direction for your life.

  • David_Jay

    I'm a religious man, and while what I practice may be quite opposite of a lot of people, I don't think I ever thought that without belief in God there would be "no hope, despair, and misery," as you put it.

    I have a lot of friends who are atheist, I love them dearly, and I don't know any who are without hope, who are in despair or miserable. They have different convictions, yes, but aren't any less happy as I can tell.

    Now I am very glad you have found peace with your state in life. Don't get me wrong. I myself am at peace on the path I walk.

    But I am not a theist because I felt having this belief would bring me hope or end despair and misery for me. I don't walk in the path I do because I thought it was a 'better alternative,' as if being an atheist is somehow worse on any level or in any respect. I am not now somehow gifted with greater hope and freed from misery because I hold that God exists. Hope is not the exclusive property of theists, nor is it an automatic virtue of belief in a higher being.

    I know we all go through things in life that bring pain, misery, despair, and rob us of our hope. Granted, but atheists are no less incapable of such hope or freedom merely because they have a different view on the existence of deities.

    If you truly believe in God, then do more than merely believe. Imitate God. God doesn't give life and breath only to believers. Belief is not a requisite for these things. With each heartbeat there is hope for another. With the end of one day there is always the hope of another and seeing the end of misery. If this is what God gives to all, as you believe, and God does it without a sermon or requiring one accept a certain creed, then being in God's image you must not see your neighbor on a path different than yours. Your neighbor is on the same one. Same world with you, same planet, same path.

    Stars are faithful in following the courses mapped out by God for them to follow. They are more faithful than you or I could ever be. Yet they have no belief in God, and compared to us they live virtually forever, almost it seems. So do not judge the way others go down the path set for them by their Maker. They may be more faithful in following it than you, even if like the stars they have no belief in God.

    Do not see your atheist neighbor as without hope or in despair or without a future. And do not mistake your belief in God as something that guarantees such things either. Instead be grateful for the hope and peace you have and share the comfort it brings you with others, without a sermon just as God gives us gifts. For if there is a God, and God is love, then you are likely to be surprised with eternity and who you will find sharing it with you.

  • tornapart

    Reading this, I could have been reading exactly how I feel! Thanks for expressing it so beautifully and sharing it too. :)

  • TheLiberator

    Beautiful post. You have made a leap into happiness. Just remember, regardless of what atheists say, this is not something that just makes you feel good because of fear of death. I had always planned on dying "old and satisfied". The bottom line is, that there is nothing that brings life to the soul like serving your Creator. To build faith, go beyond all the Watchtower's preschool articles about how we know the Bible is God's word. You will learn things that will leave you in awe. Reading God's word and prayer is like an instant connection to God when you are truly seeking him. Continue on this course. Christ said: John: 6. 44. " NO ONE CAN COME TO ME, unless the Father who sent me draws him."

    Atheists fall into this category: "Yahweh is with you, while you are with him; and if you seek him, he will be found by you; but if you forsake him, he will forsake you." - 2 Chronicles 15:2

    James: 4: 8. "Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you."

    Isaiah: 41. 13. "For I, Yahweh your God, will hold your right hand, saying to you, 'Don't be afraid. I will help you.' "

    PM anytime.

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