Venting, Wow, found out just how indoctrinated my wife is

by goingthruthemotions 19 Replies latest jw experiences

  • nowwhat?

    Try using the bible start with there is about a dozen scriptures that say Christians were to bear witness about Christ. Not jah.

  • WingCommander


    Let "her people" and "Jah's Organization" take care of her.

  • The Fall Guy
    The Fall Guy

    GTTM - "She said everything they teach is 100% true."

    LOL!!! Didn't we all think that at one time?

    You have a PM containing various JW "truths" versus the Bible which you can ask her to prove/defend.

    I'd love to be a fly on your wall.

  • OneEyedJoe

    Sounds like she's trying to convince herself as much as she is you.

  • Billzfan23


    If it's any solace to you - remember...many of us on here used to be just like your wife. I remember when my brother's wife cheated on him at work. She was disfellowshipped. I shunned her 100% for a couple of years after that - and now that I'm DF'ed for apostasy, I understand that she does the same thing to me now. The bottom line is that it's a cult and the whole organization is just terribly unhealthy for anyone. Your wife is in a tough spot (for all of the relationships in her life) because now that she's resolved to love only conditionally, and not unconditionally, mentally....she's hijacked and she won't get close to others or mourn normally ever again. She thinks us apostates are mentally diseased, but she's mentally abused by being a 12 on a scale of 1-10.

  • StarryNight9
    The lady doth protest too much, methinks. You only try that hard (and talk that big) if you're trying to compensate for something. Or she's a nut job. Obviously the first option is preferable.
  • jambon1

    Your marriage won’t last long. It’s impossible to live with someone who outsources their critical thinking abilities to a religion. Furthermore, her putting everything (including you & any kids) in second place behind Watchtower will kill off your relationship.

  • LongHairGal


    I am sorry to hear this and I don’t know how you can keep your marriage together with a full-in JW...I would feel I was with a subversive person if I were in this situation.

    I wish you all the best.

  • Pete Zahut
    Pete Zahut

    It sounds as if your discussion pushed her into a corner she wasn't prepared for. I'm guessing she said a lot of things out of fear and pride and may not mean them as strongly as she seemed to.

    Be patient, she sounds like someone who knows that there is validity in your point of view and is afraid to face that reality.

    We were all there at one time, to some degree but something eventually struck a chord with us so that in our own time we were able to take a realistic look at the religion. It rarely works to force someone to do something scary.

  • steve2

    If we're insightful and honest, most ex-JWs could identify with your wife. I knew it was the 100% truth when I was an adolescent and argued as such. The good thing is, humans can be crazily convinced something is the absolute truth and, over time, that conviction wane.

    One thing you do need to be careful about, though, is that you do not give her something to fight against. That is like a gift to conviction. Asking her how committed she is to the beliefs is another way of getting her to openly state just what level of conviction she currently has. Big mistake. Social Psychology research shows that when people are asked to openly state their beliefs, goals, dreams, hopes etc., they are more likely to subsequently stick to them because they've made an openly-expressed commitment. And a lot fo the time, conviction is about face saving. No one likes to be backed into the corner and made to feel bad about their beliefs. No one. So, in effect when you challenge someone about their beliefs, they have already been "inoculated" to expect opposition. They will then double down on their beliefs and leave you utterly exasperated.

    How do you get people to be less expressively rigid about their beliefs. Don't pose any threat whatsoever. Ask curious questions. Be less direct in your criticism. For example, "I can see why people would feel such a high level of commitment to their religious beliefs. I'm just wondering about this point or that point and would welcome your thoughts on that".

    And listen and reflect. As your wife begins to realize that you are not the threat she had earlier thought, she may begin to trust you enough to listen here and there - especially if you are super-respectful and considerate and pose your queries in terms of, "I'm wanting to understand how this or that was allowed to happen in the organization when it's supposed to be under God's direction?" Be empathic.

    There's no one magic thought-provoking question or statement - but over time, it is amazing what you may be able to do to reach your lovely wife.

    The best wine ages over time - and time is on your side.

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