What Happened To All Your Friends???

by minimus 26 Replies latest jw friends

  • shamus


    It certainly is.

    It was hard leaving the borg, and I would suggest a website to you just to see if you are still having difficulties with feeling depressed, etc. It really helped me - when I left the borg I found it and it saved my life, having been diagnosed with depression years ago and feeling too scared to do anything about it.


    Deb, the owner of the website, is really nice. We all posted on a message board, just like this. However, she has much, much more than just a message board!

    Take care.


  • Valis

    My best friend left when I did, which made itmuch easier...fortunately for me I had lived the double life long enough to have many "worldly" frineds to hang out with. As far as the people I grew up with and at one point called friends, they never spoke with me again. Not one of them. Good riddance to dubbie rubbish!


    District Overbeer

  • Descender

    I grew up as a witness and I basically had no friends outside the organization while growing up. After high school, I became a witness social bug and made many witness friends. As a witness I was always doing something with my friends, going canoing, wakeboarding on the lake, going to witness parties around the area, and I usually did something with my local witness friends every night of the week.

    I had witness friends from all over the US because I travelled alot, and I always had people calling asking if I wanted to go out and do something and to book a date for a ski trip or a party. I thought it was great because I'd been a loner in High School where I didn't seem to fit in with anybody and then I had gotten out and become popular in the JW scheme of things.

    Then I got disfellowshipped and it all ended. It was really hard to go from all those friends one week and always doing something every night to no friends at all. I had no worldly friends to fall back on so I tried hard to be a good witness and follow all the rules of being disfellowshipped and I was back within 6 months. My friends were all still there, but some of them had started having some doubts because of the way I'd been disfellowshipped. It was as if the elders were trying to make an example of me so others wouldn't follow my path.

    A few of my better friends drifted out and like a good witness (ie. idiot) I didn't really talk to them much anymore. Those were the friends that had been the ones I hung out with every night. Things just weren't the same. There weren't any of those on the fence friends anymore, they were either signing up to pioneer or and reaching to be ministerial servants or they were fading away. It just wasn't as fun as it was before. I ended up getting disfellowshipped again and lived with a witness girl that had fallen out and got married to her. She was the only friend I had for years.

    During my second stint of being disfellowshipped I read Franz' book "Crisis of Conscience" and that kickstarted my doubts. My wife said that we needed to come back and finally we did and we were both reinstated. Things had changed, all my old friends that were still dubs still ignored me as if I was df'd and people just didn't seem as friendly. The only thing we gained from being reinstated was being able to openly associate with our witness families. We felt no love from the witnesses any longer. When it was announced that I was reinstated the first time, people cried and hugged me and shook my hand in droves, I got letters and phone calls of congratulation. But the second time I was reinstated, I got maybe 2 handshakes and the majority didn't seem to notice that we weren't disfellowshipped any more.

    Anyways, we both drifted out last year after the DC and haven't been back since. The only friends I have at the moment are my wife and my family. I do kind of miss having friends sometimes, but I think it's better having no friends than being a JW now that I know the Truth about the "truth".

  • gentleheart

    i saw this topic and found it fascinating.... even as a child, i was never one of the "group" of fellow JW's; my interests were always a bit different from the norm; when i got divorced, i found myself in "no woman's land" -- no JW friends and i had never been around non-JW's much either; it took me a while to get it all together and i DA'd myself for several years, which further isolated me in some ways, yet liberated me in others; after my mother's death, through a strange series of events, i "went back;" the old "friends" were terrified of me and i felt even more of an outcast than i was before; now, i was having to re-prove myself all over (thanks in part to my ex-husband's games and lies) and even after it was read out that i was back, i was still shunned and kept in a little cage away from the mainstream; unfortunately, when i went back, i also broke off ties with my newfound non-JW friends (stupid move); it's a very difficult road, especially for a woman; i was always something of a radical (much too independent for WBTS thinking) and still am; there are unusual difficulties for single women who have left, not the least of which are balancing getting on your feet and dating; if anyone has had similar experiences, i would love to hear from you; for a while, i did try some therapy, but discussing a "lifestyle" that someone else has never experienced is really difficult.....



  • minimus

    What amazes me is seeing so many get DF'd and then coming back.....i don't get it.

  • ozziepost

    What friends? Seems to me...... that the ones we called "friends" were simply associations. If they were friends, they would still be 'around'. "There exist companions disposed to break one another to pieces, but there exists a friend sticking closer than a brother" - Proverbs 18:24 (NWT)

    I like the scripture that says "A true companion is loving all the time, and is a brother that is born for when there is distress"- Proverbs 17:17 (NWT) My observation is that you have just a few of such ones in your lifetime.

    Cheers, Ozzie

  • ashitaka

    Since they never were true friends anyway, I guess nothing happened.


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