My DF'd brother needs help!

by be wise 11 Replies latest jw friends

  • be wise
    be wise

    My brother who’s DF’d turned down a blood transfusion when he had an accident, it’s a good job he didn’t seriously need it, although he did lose a lot of blood. See the control this society has on people who haven’t questioned. He hasn’t thought any of it through and is still controlled by a lot of it subconsciously. He is not computer literate and so knows nothing of

    I was thinking maybe those of you who have been DF’d can give a few comments here just to encourage him so I can print them out later for him to see and hopefully get him on the board. I haven’t had chance to talk about it to him but I will be printing some facts about this society to give him next week and decide for himself.

    Any advice would be appreciated.

    be wise.

  • A Paduan
    A Paduan

    Point out that literal application of scripture is what is referred to as burdens, like the pharisees placed upon people but didn't lift a finger to help - i.e. all they had to do was point out that the scriptures aren't about physical rules. eg. don't eat birds of prey (earn your own living).

    The apostles placed certain burdens upon some so that they could live peaceably among fundamentalists - i.e. didn't upset them too much - certain matters of the Law (the Law that the fundies understood that is) that might really cause a problem - Paul even circumcised (Timothy I think) someone for this reason - one of these literal understandings and applications of the spiritual (a burden) thought necessary to keep the peace was the blood prohibition, so it seemed good to the apostles and the Holy Spirit that they should place that burden upon some.

    1. It's a burden (accepted so as to get along with people).
    2. They didn't have life saving blood transfusions those days.
    3. Jws don't need to refuse blood to get along with us.
    4. The Law is spiritual not literal ("circumcision is a matter of the heart, spiritual and not literal " " We know that the law is spiritual" )
    5. The wt places many burdens on him, not just that one

    I hope I have in some way pointed out (lifted a finger) that he doesn't need to be burdened with that - he doesn't need to carry that burden for us - we won't get upset about him getting a transfusion - but it is a bit upsetting to see him suffering as a fundamentalist.



    Be Wise, for was honestly, a question of time .

    It took me many years to emancipate myself from the WTBTS. It didn't happen overnight.

    Depending upon his mindset, he may be receptive to some discussion about the WTBTS about blood transfusions etc., but this is not always an easy topic to discuss.

    For me, it was one of the last things for me to give-up as a post-JW. I held on to the blood transfusion doctrine for many, many years after I left the JWs.

    It may be a question of time, more than anything.

    Otherwise, what A Paduan brought forward is something to consider.

    Hope he comes around.

  • qwerty


    Is your brother younger or older than you?

    I think I told you that my brother is DF also, he still believes that the WT is correct. He seems to be coming around slowly, don't give up.


  • BluesBrother

    Hello, be wise's brother in law!

    Sorry to hear of your accident , I hope you are OK now. I am not difellowshipped but many of the board memders are, There is a whole world wide community of ex JW's that talk and ecourage one another . You are not alone.

    You could learn to use the computer , Just press the right buttons, Your Public Library no doubt has community access and may run starter courses

    Once plugged in, the world is your oyster. But either way , good luck mate!!

  • berylblue


    I am so sorry to learn of your accident, but I am glad you made it through. Your determination to do what you think is right is under even the most terrible circumstances is commendable. I feel it is critical that we all do what we believe God wants us to do. At this moment in time, I am having a great deal of difficulty determining precisely what that may be.

    As a DF witness (DF for smoking), I, too, want to do what I truly believe Jehovah wants me to do. Sometimes, it is so confusing. There are some things that occur among Jehovah's Witnesses that I perceive as very wrong. I am still thinking about these things; reading, thinking, discussing, processing (as I call it). I do so want to make the right choices in my life, as I'm sure you do as well.

    If you would like to talk about your experiences, please email me. I know you will have some reluctance to correspond with a DF person, and I can understand that completely. However, perhaps we would be able to help one another.


    [email protected]

  • be wise
    be wise

    Thanks A Paduan for some good advice – they really do burden people down.

    Razorblade, my brother has been DF’d 5 or 6 years now but doesn’t really think about it (as far as I know, he probably does privately at times though). Before he was DF’d he was a bit of a wild boy but I know my family’s relentless, so strict attitude, turned him that way cos he thought everything he was doing was wrong and bad and everything was blown out of proportion.

    Qwerty, yeah, he’s 25. He lives with his girl friend and spends most of his time with her family (can’t blame him at all for that, nothing goes on, on this side) at birthdays and Christmas etc. I just think he hasn’t thought about it enough to want to see the evidence for himself.

    Thanks for the encouraging word BluesBrother.

    berlyblue, thanks for you honesty and personal encouragement. I will make sure he gets this.


    I think he’ll be glad to know he’s really not on his own with this anymore and he can get support.

    be wise.

  • Sentinel

    I realize how desperately you want your brother to be truly "free". The bottom line is, he has to "want" this himself. If your brother is already questioning the borg and is turning to you for help and guidance, that's one thing. If he is just a firm JW that made a mistake (?) and was df'd for it, he may still want that life very much.

    You could show him lots of good information, but if he isn't in the frame of mind to receive it, it will roll over him and he will not see it at all. No matter what you do or say, he will exist in the limbo land of the df'd until such a time as he gets himself reinstated; or on the other hand, rethinks and re-evaluates his spiritual condition.

    Just be there for him. Show him through example that you are happy now and perhaps in time, he will come to understand that the borg shows no true love or compassion. Only then, will his eyes be opened.

  • be wise
    be wise

    I understand what u r saying but he smokes, lives in so-called sin, breaks the law on his motorbike (he's a nutter, and well known for it), celebrates birthdays and christmas and easter etc and loves going out and having a few at these times with work mates; far from thinking like a JW. Like u say I still think a lot of it is there subconciously but there must be something I can do (even small hints) cos I won't do absolutely nothing and hope he comes out of it.

  • Sentinel

    Be wise. Obviously he is doing what many do when cast out. If he is going to rebel and probably just going to do anything the JW's say he shouldn't do, and much more. He is going to fulfill "their prophesy of him", that he is wicked and doomed to die. He is only hurting himself in the process.

    He may not feel he has any choices, since the WTS categorizes everything and everyone. He is living life "supposedly" the way he wants to, because he can. He probably figures he's doomed to die at Armageddon, so why not? He hasn't really matured enough at this point, to stop and think about why he is doing these detrimental things "to himself". Once he does stop and "look inside", he will want to find the answers he so desperately needs. Sometimes certain events in life cause us such pause.

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