Today's the Day :(

by Ghost of Esmeralda 17 Replies latest jw friends

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  Ghost of Esmeralda

  "I can't wait for night to fall.

  I can't wait for day to fade.

  I can't wait for the dark to extinquish the sun,

  The light is too harsh on my face.

  I'm too wounded to live in the daylight,

  On a day that can't be relived, or replaced.

  There's no way not to miss what I'm missing,

  nowhere I can go to escape.

  I just want today to be over

  I don't want to hurt anymore

  today she marries, and I won't be there,

  so in the darkness, let me be alone.

  I just want today to be over

  I don't want to hurt anymore,

  let the night come, let the light die.

  forbid the moon and stars to shine, close the door.

  she marries today, and I won't see it,

  ...but the child of my heart, I will always adore."

  I was half awake this morning when I scrawled that on a piece of scrap paper, and I don't remember getting the words down.

  My favorite cousin is marrying today, in a few hours. my daughter will be there, and she is torn over it. She's only seven, and it is so hard for her to go knowing everyone in the family will be there but me.

  She said she didn't want me to be sad. I told her that I couldn't help it, that everyone gets sad sometimes. That she shouldn't feel bad about going, after all, she was invited. But I can see the sadness in her eyes, and she keeps saying "mom, this isn't right."

  They all know it's not right, the whole family knows, whether they will admit it or not. I just wonder how many more years will have to pass, how many more events I'll have to miss, before it will ever stop hurting so much.

  I can't even cry anymore. There may be no tears left.

  ~essie

  www.ghostwriter.homestead.com
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  riz

  ((((((((essie))))))))) I'm so sorry. Emotional blackmail is a terrible thing, especially coming from your own family. Hugs to you, and it's good to have you back.
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  BluesBrother

  Essie, I have read your story on your site and it made me blink back tears. How about a brotherly (((((((((Essie))))))))) from this side of the pond.?

  Your poetry is beautiful and so moving. I take the liberty of cut & pasting an excerpt because it puts things so well.

  "They shun and berate me, as their 'faith' drags them down, they refuse my assistance, and curse me as they drown They can't understand why I float, though they sink:even as I keep shouting "To survive, you must think."

  To all readers, please read the rest, in context.
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  JamesThomas

  (((((Essie))))) You have a gift. Few can make such deep sorrow sound so beautiful. Perhaps today is the day to reflect upon your love: a warmth still embracing those unable to love. JamesT
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  Seven

  {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Essie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
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  Ghost of Esmeralda

  thanks, everyone. I am clinging to your hugs today more than you know.

  love,

  essie
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  Mary

  (((((((((((Essie)))))))))))))

  So sorry, I wish I could make things better for you..........well, HERE'S a poem you should send to your Ex:

  And when you're dead and buried;

  And farting no more gas;

  I hope they bury you upside down;

  So I can come and kick your ass!

  Now come on Essie, please tell me that I made you laugh!

  Keep your chin up hon!
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  Fruitcake

  Don't worry, I can think of one wedding that will make up for all the ones you will lose out on.

  It is the marriage of the Bride and the Lamb, Christ, and his TRUE bride class, Hypocrites not invited, but I'm sure you will, in some fashion.

  My fiancee elum and I were excluded from a wedding when we were in the process of being disfellowshipped. It was so hard on us.

  We were quote. "living immorally." and we diffinitely wont have a wedding ourselves cause we have no friends, nor family left (his side) we live in his hometown. And my family is far away, not Witnesses, but there are other issues.

  Anyways, you have us, so chins up. We care about you!!
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  Nathan Natas

  Essie, I would like to offer you this, composed by a XJW friend on a Yahoo! discussion group:

  Today my family went away,
  I really meant for them to stay,
  they left without a pause or thought,
  they thought I really had forgot,
  that God meant love, forgiveness too,
  they did not know the hurt they'd do,
  they told me that the hurt was good,
  they thought that this was understood,
  they thought it would help make me strong,
  they thought the pain, would not last long,
  they thought that they should punish me,
  that then, the "light," I'd surely see,
  they thought that on my own I'd know,
  that time and space would help me grow,
  they thought, and thought, and thought some more,
  they did not see the open sore,
  the sore that hurt so long and deep,
  the hurt that made me cry and weep,
  and then one day a funny thing,
  they felt their own vindictive sting,
  their light had failed to set them free,
  they thought and thought, and thought of me.

  by Cbam52, posted on Yahoo!
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  Ghost of Esmeralda

  wow...

  thanks fruitcake, and thank you so much Nathan, that was incredible. From one poet to another, please thank your friend for me for their words.

  That should be on the web permanently, Freeminds has a poetry section, is it there yet? It should be...

  thank you

  hugs

  essie