2016 RC & my family
Hello everyone! I hope you are all well. I haven't posted in a little while. I've just been adjusting and enjoying my new life outside of the org. But a recent event resulting from the 2016 RC prompted me to come here and post today.
I talk with my mother in law every Monday to catch up. So she calls like usual and the conversation is good for about 5 minutes. Then she starts to tell me how great the RC was this past weekend. She knows we haven't been to anything jw in a while, but not really why. She's been extremely bothered by my husband's beard tho and suspected something was up because of it. Anyway, occasionally she brings up jw stuff and I successfully change the subject. But this time was different. fresh off the RC indoctrination, she was extra pushy. I told her I was happy she enjoyed the RC and tried to move on a couple of times.
So of course she keeps trying, telling me about the theme of loyalty to J-God and powerful videos, blah, blah, ..... I finally told her I'm very happy she enjoyed it, but we decided it's not for us anymore, and that includes our little boys. I told her I'm not interested in what went on, so we can just talk about something else. She didn't let up, wanting to know what happened, etc.. geeze they have to know everything! I wasn't going to run from it this time tho. I finally just said to myself "f-it, here goes". I told her we took the time to examine the religion outside of what the org provided and we came to the conclusion we don't believe or agree with it anymore. Guess what the next words were out of her mouth? "So you are saying that you both disassociated yourselves from Jehovah's organization?" Huh?? I'm like is this my mother-in-law or a elder??? She switched into cult jw mode so fast. I told her "no, that's not what I'm saying, we just stopped attending and practicing. It's not a big deal to us. We don't belong to that org anymore so we don't subscribe to any of their rules and regulations. That is your terminology, not ours."
So of course the conversation took a bad turn from there, and it went on for over an hour with lots of jw junk being thrown at me. At one point she says "Im just telling you my opinion of why I think I have the truth like you are telling me your opinion on what your thinking is now." And I told her "yes, that's fine. But the difference is, I already know why you believe what you believe. I believed it for 37 years. So there is nothing you can tell me about jw that I don't already know, and it won't change anything. It's not going to work."
She kept asking me what did I read to make me feel like this, because she couldn't believe that I changed my mind. I told her it was my gut that lead me to investigate the religion, not what someone told me to read or look at. I didn't read to make my decision. The material just confirmed what I had been feeling for some time. I told her she could find the same information I did, and it's not from any apostate stuff. Of course she said "I don't need to do that because I have faith that I'm in the truth." And I told her "I have facts. And facts trumps faith to me every single time. There is nothing you or anyone can say or do for us to go back. This is a final decision."
She says "so you know what this means for me, right?" I said "no, tell me mom, what does it mean for you?" She proceeds to tell me that she loves us but has to put j-God first and she has a conscious decision she needs to make. So I asked her this question. "So you are going to tell me that because we changed our mind on believing what you believe, you are thinking about shunning your son, daughter-in-law and 2 grandchildren? And you honestly think that is ok and a rational thing to do?" There was a brief pause where I think she actually thought about that. But the indoctrination kicked back in and she again parroted what they are ordered to respond and said said her loyalty is to j-God first and she will make a conscious decision on that fact. So I just ended the call by telling her that we loved her very much and I hope this doesn't change our relationship. But based on how the conversation went, I know it will and I won't be surprised when it does.
Just continue to show her your unconditional love - We are in a ditto position to yours - I feel so much for you and family
Great job! That took guts...way to go! Just wait until she realizes that she no longer gets to see her 2 grand babies. It's just incredible that they can turn their backs on their family. Hugs!
she again parroted what they are ordered to respond and said said her loyalty is to j-God first and she will make a conscious decision on that fact.
Don`t expect that to change anytime soon..
Great post and thanks for sharing. Good on you for standing your ground.
Continue to show your mother-in-law that there is no malice on your side.
I'm so sorry. ...hopefully she will think more on it, and what you said about beliefs and shunning, and miss her son and grandkids, and let herself ease up. That probably won't happen but it might. Sometimes when someone close starts doubting, that lets us doubt more easily too.
I hope your husband can deal with this ok. Not fun, or natural, to lose your mom.
Thanks everyone. It's easier for me to be so strong and speak out as all but 1 of my immediate family members are out and have been for years. I think it's also why I can offer my love to her and the rest of his jw family even if they unknowingly are rejecting ours.
@FayeDunaway, my husband and I have been having the discussion of telling her for about 6 months. But it's his mom and even though they aren't really close, it's still his mom. he was having a hard time with the fact that she might shun him, and I understand that. My own mother is deceased so she is the only mother figure I have, so it will suck if she does shun us. But we can't live for her. So lately I asked him if it came up would it be ok for me to tell her where we stand now and he was ready for it. He's actually quite relieved!
Oh BeautifulMind - I so feel for you, your husband and your children!
You went out of your way to be respectful, to avoid unpleasantness, to keep the conversation convivial - but you found that diplomacy only goes so far. She so persisted. And, as the saying goes, what your mother-in-law eventually heard from you cannot be unheard.
It's done - now it's in her hands (or should I say, the elders').
Who knows - she may yet surprise you and, after thinking it through, come down on the side of compassion and acknowledge you were not in any way shape or form trying to "win" her over to your view.
On the other hand, if she closes the door - or phone - on further contact, it will be painful but fully survivable. She has to do what she's been taught is right; you have to do what you believe is right.
Sometimes in life, our paths inevitably part from the very ones we love dearly. We do not want it to happen - but it happens. We don't always need religion to cause separations and estrangements - but bring religion into the picture, and the chances of separations and estrangements increases exponentially.
When you're ready and feel able, bring us up to date because there's bound to be developments. In the meantime, we so get what you're going through. It's so hard when its so fresh.
@steve2 Who knows - she may yet surprise you and, after thinking it through, come down on the side of compassion and acknowledge you were not in any way shape or form trying to "win" her over to your view
That's what I kept trying to stress to her. I didn't want to change her mind on her religion. But she asked me what happened for me to change my mind so I was telling her. But yeah, we will see what happens from there.
...geeze they have to know everything!
Thank you for sharing this story, not really a new thing, but it certainly shows their messed up way of thinking.
What I quoted from you was what really stood up for me, that disgusting attitude of intruding in people's lives and decisions and feeling entitled to it.
Anyway, welcome to "the world", oh wait, you were always part of it, even when you believed otherwise