Can you relate?

by TimeBandit 21 Replies latest jw friends

  • TimeBandit

    I used to try really hard to fit in when I was an active, true blue JW. Somehow it hardly ever paid off. Time after time I attempted to mingle and make JW friends. When I would invite brother so and so over to hang out and have dinner there was always an excuse as to why they couldn't. Or like after a convention session would let out and I would see my fave JW people sitting together at Chili's or wherever. I would sit with them and try to be a part of their conversation. I would start to say something and they would totally ignore me in mid sentence and start talking about something else like I wasn't even sitting there?

    Things like that really hurt and helped me to see more clearly and was part of the final straw. Can anyone relate?


  • sir82

    Sorry were you saying something?

  • LV101

    It's very cliquish and one needs to fit in educationally, (too much ed and you're in trouble), physically, spiritually, religiously, materially - every which way imaginable, and especially economically. If you have more moolah or are a professional or married to a professional you're in the wrong club. If you're a professional with $$$ and have someone in the cult's hierarchy or move up the echelon you're finally good and on better than ever street and will fit in with most -- well, that's a given. This goes on everywhere although most orgs/charities are run by those in higher socio-economic/educational levels. However, many JWs only want other JWs that are on the same level of society, preferably poverty end. I was constantly hearing witnesses say most witnesses are poor -- (true people for god was their reasoning, I guess) they resent anything to the contrary but will definitely use/take advantage of ones with more.

    Thank the stars and be glad they did you a favor.

  • TimeBandit

    "Sorry were you saying something?"

    If I weren't smiling right now I might've taken that the wrong way. Pretty funny.


  • dubstepped

    Oh yeah. I fit in at the congregation I grew up in because I had roots there. I moved not far away and started over and tried for years without ever fitting in. My wife and I tried hard, even had pretty much the entire congregation over for chili parties in small groups one year, but still nothing. We would go out to eat after meetings or just in general and come across the same cliques sitting together at a restaurant while we sat alone, over and over again. We heard tales of their epic camping trips that we were never invited to, how they all went up to watch a football game that we weren't invited to, and so on. I once bought a bunch of pizza because I had a bunch of young people that were supposed to come over back when I was single. Not one single person actually showed, they all went and did something else. On the plus side, I had leftover pizza that I could have eaten for weeks. :(

    For an organization that claims to be identified by love, they are the most cliquish, judgmental, small minded douchebags I've ever had the displeasure of meeting. There was no real love or bond, just busy work and meetings where people talked because they were there for a common cause. Once the meeting was over, so was everything else unless you were in the cool club and lucky enough to have your own clique. There was no real inclusion. Large families dominated the landscape and were the focal point of those that had any hope of being in a group.

    Like you I had people turn away when I approached at times, and it hurts, but what hurts more is being stuck in a cult because you fooled yourself into thinking those people actually care about you. I have friends now that care about ME, not me with some arbitrary rules system in between us.

  • just fine
    just fine

    I know what you mean. The hall I was in was pretty inclusive until this one elder and his wife came along. Then it was pitting people against each other and intentionally leaving people out and being mean for no reason. Of course the elders wife mentioned above ended up having a sordid affair with a young pioneer brother in the hall. They both got disfellowshipped, she became a stripper, so I guess I am glad I was excluded from that group. 😀

  • sparrowdown

    Oh yeah, who can forget the bruvverly luuuuve.

    Reminds me of a line from a movie (Addams Family values I think) when Fester's wife "Debbie" screams at Gomez

    " He's wrapped in a gossamer blanket of love, and he hates your guts."

  • stillin

    Same problem here. But really, I have found that I am simply a misfit wherever I am. I hope that you can do better than that.

    People like me just fine...there's just some social part of my brain that doesn't work right.

    The Witnesses are terrible because they have so many levels of status. If you wondered whether somebody is a pioneer, just give it two minutes. They'll set you straight right quick.

  • Londo111

    I can relate. Especially as a teen, I felt left out, and was very lonely.

    What made it worse is the cognitive dissonance...after all I was I in the "truth", a "spiritual paradise an among the "most loving people on earth". Had I know ttatt back then, I could've taken it in stride.

  • hoser

    Yes, I can relate. That is why I am here.

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