Please read this, these are the feelings I had come up again from CBS......

by Jesika 11 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

• 

  Jesika

  Well, I haven't been on silentlambs in a few months. It makes me depressed and very emotional. I didn't want to miss the CBS show tonite, but damnit, I am hurting all over again.

  I am not looking for sympathy, it just really hurts, even now.

  I just DON'T get how people can hurt kids and NOT GIVE A DAM'N!!!! How can they be sooooooooooo BLIND??!!!!!!!!

  I am fighting back the tears right now, cause I stayed with Heidi Meyer in MN when she did her first press conference. I met Amber as well.

  Staying with Heidi and talking with Amber, was healing, but also hurt. I hurt cause I know what they have gone through and still live with. I can't do anything to fix or change any of it, but I desire SOOOOOOO much to do so. Not only for them or any others, but for myself as well.

  The only thing that gives me comfort is KNOWING I will do anything in MY power to prevent this from happening to my son. I have educated him since he was 2 yrs old about sexual abuse. I have explained it in a way that even at 2 he could understand (or at least I felt he could understand, given the feedback he gave me).

  I told him if ANYONE "touches" you in a way that makes you feel "bad, uncomfortable, weird, uneasy, etc", whether it is ME, my husband (at the time), his grandmother, babysitter (if I would have one), friends, ANYONE..............TELL SOMEONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If they don't believe you TELL SOMEONE ELSE!!!!!!!!!!! But I told him he could ALWAYS TELL ME and I WOULD DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  I just can't imagine NOT doing anything to someone who hurt my son/child. I would be on a RAMPAGE and be willing to KILL anyone who "touched" my son!!!!

  What I don't get is HOW in the HELL can parents NOT do SOMETHING about this??????

  Ok, I am done venting for now, I just had to get this out.

  I know you all understand where I am coming from. If you have ever been abused in anyway, you know what I mean.

  It just PAINS me sooooooooooo deep, I still, as an adult, can't see why my father, and my father's family don't see this as a BIG problem.

  Jes
• 

  Big Tex

  Parents don't stop the abuse either because (a) they are involved in the abuse or (b) they don't know. If they don't know, I believe it is because they don't want to know. Much like the Witnesses' reaction to abuse, they want an icky and painful situation to just go away.

  Child abuse is a painful and embarassing topic for most people. That is one big reason why it is perpetuated. People just want the problem to vanish. But it doesn't unless it is addressed.

  I've always likened a pedophile to swimming with sharks. Sometimes a shark will attack, sometimes they won't. But a shark does what a shark does and they don't change. So it is with pedophilia.

  I remember one of my therapists also treated sex offenders. I asked her how someone could be sexually attracted to children. She told me that they are narcissistic, self-centered and don't care about anyone else's thoughts or feelings except theirs. She told me that one pedophile told her that one of the aspects of child rape that he enjoyed the most was finding a child who was bright and happy and laughing and then "wiping that smile off their face forever."

  A pedophile is one of the few truly evil creatures in this world. Most people don't believe that such evil can exist. But it does. Until we all can over come our denial about the problem, it will continue. I believe that 100 years from now pedophilia will be punishable by life in prison without the possibility for parole. Frankly, that is the only solution I can see.
• 

  kls

  JES, iam so, so sorry .There is nothing anyone can say to ever stop the hurt.As you probably know my husband is a jw, and i asked him what he would have done if one of his children would have been raped?Spoken like a true mindcontrolled robot ,he said ,,,Jehovah will weed out the bad and punish them.I asked if he would still attend meetings? He said yes.My husband love's his kids but the org has a hold and have covered their ass telling their followers ,,it's the devil telling lies.Jes,,i fell the same as you ,if anyone had touched my kids they would ,and i do mean this ,be dead.JES,, you and all the victims make me hurt more then aything ,and their is nothing i can do . HUGS JES> KATHY
• 

  LyinEyes

  Hey Jes,,,,,,,,it's ok to feel upset over the resurfacing of your hurt. It is painful to go back to the past, but I really believe we only file the feelings , the emotions away and then they will manifest themselves so way some how.

  So what I am saying is it better to feel than not to feel, ya know? Let those feelings out , because if you don't you are denying that little girl you once were the chance to speak her mind, to be mad , to shout out . I have heard this saying so many times and it applies to so many things in life,,,,," the only way out is through", something like that.

  If you don't go forward ,walk thru the brush, the thorns so to speak you will forever be stuck there in a bad place. If you brave it out, even thou so very painful, you will see the light and look back and say,,,,,,Wow, I made it thru, and I am OK. I personally think this is the only way to heal and find joy in the life we have here, and now.

  You are a good protective mom Jes, and I have been the same way with my kids, telling them they can always tell me anything. I have protected them when I just had a gut feeling they shouldnt go with someone or someplace, even thou at times they didnt like the restrictions I put on them , in the end it may have saved them. I am glad I have been so protective, you are so right I can't see how an anyone can hurt a child but the reality is they do. Even the best parents can not see the signs sometimes, and all we can do is our very best to protect them.

  Hugsssssss Jes,,,,,,,, I will call you later hon,,,,,,,,, it will be after 8 but I will give ya call in a few ok?
• 

  Jesika

  Thanx all for your comments!!!!!!!!!!!!

  I am glad I have friends like you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  Lyin..........i will be awaiting your call hon!!!!!!!!!!!
• 

  lost_and_searching

  Sweet Jesika....just wanted to send some HUGGGGSSSSS your way.

  The woman I have become weeps for the child I was......and the child you were. Words cannot express. I only hope you can feel my strength and support. You are in my thoughts and making me remember my own child within.

  Someday I know I will post about this. My JW perpetrator was killed in a motorcycle accident last summer. For years he denied any wrongdoing and my own mother defended him. For months before his accident, he would speak directly to me in stores and in front of people and when I had family members with me, and I refused to acknowledge him or be friendy in any way. I have anger. And now I will never have any closure except that which I give myself.

  Sometimes, I think we have to have the strength to give ourselves peace....and love ourselves enough so that our enemies can no longer have power over us.

  Hugs of Strength, ~Bobbi
• 

  Country Girl

  Dearest Jes:

  Hugs! I know how these broadcasts can bring up those old feelings of anger, fear, hate and rage. I get them, too. It's sometimes so confusing when they resurface, and at the same time it's reaffirming, in the way that it makes us never forget how helpless and lost we felt as children when those things happened to us. It reminds us that this evil is perpetrated every day for some child, and some child is feeling the same way we are feeling at that moment. It reminds us that nothing is accomplished until it is stopped. Your feelings (and be glad that you have them -- sociopaths don't have feelings!) are valid and proof positive that you have a heart and care about children who are abused, and another reminder to be brave and not to stop doing what you have been doing: which is talking about it, and educating people about how destructive it (the cult and their policies) is to children. You have done a great job with this, at much personal cost, and I applaud you. Never be fearful.. but only realize that these feelings are bound to come up again and again, and only affirm that you are human, with a heart, and that you feel, and love, and care. It hurts sometimes, sure, and I don't know that that will ever go away... but doing something positive with that energy is what it's all about.. and you have done a great job of it! Much love and understanding...

  Country Girl
• 

  lauralisa

  {{{Jesika}}}}}
  
  Big Tex said it all. I couldn't watch the show, had to work... probably a good thing, though, cause I always end up feeling just like you described.
  
  When is humanity in general going to get a freakin clue.......????
  
  "living well is the best revenge"
  
  love, lauralisa
• 

  DJ

  ((((((Jes)))))

  The sad truth here is that they let abuse continue exactly the same way that they allow children to die w/o necessary blood "fractions" and the same way that parents can shun their kids for the rest of their lives or call them Satan and never meet their grandchildren. It's the same hate that causes them to miss a child's first birthday party or go to their grandchild's piano recital becaue it is in a Christian school.....you know, it is just plain HATE. They do not love but they know how to hate. It's ok to get mad....just keep trying to love. Don't let them take that from us! love, dj
• 

  Jesika

  I am feeling alot better today.

  I just get overwhelmed at times when those feeling resurface.

  Thanx for letting me vent, and for all the support!!!