Ex-JWs In The Dating Scene - It's A Whole New Game
Since leaving Watchtower it still strikes me as odd how little i knew the real world and how it works. I thought i knew how it worked but it turns out i didnt. As JWs we were always "courting with a view to marriage".You go on one date with a girl and everyone's expecting you're gonna marry her? You know the drill. You meet at a JW get-together or convention. You get the number. You arrange to meet up at a party or something (lots of chaperones of course). You maybe kiss. You date for a few years then get engaged. Looking back is the most ridiculous thing i've ever heard.
Surprisingly (especially for me) it's taken me over a year to fuly understand the dating scene in the real world. My situation: Im a soon-to-be-divorced dad of 32yo. My ex is still JW. Since my ex and i split up i've had 2 girlfriends, both of which escalated quicker than i'd liked simply because i didst understand the dating scene in the real world. I thought once you "get" with a girl you're obliged to stick with her.
Allow me to explain.... i go to an art class every other Sunday. A few weeks ago i meet a girl in this class and we hit it off. We swap numbers and end up going for a drink of tea in some fancy-shmancy tea shop (this is England guys, we love our tea). After a delightful hour of talking and drinking tea we depart and make arrangements. Fast forward, a week later we're having sex. A week after that things have cooled down and i hardly hear from her. I dont wanna look like one of "those guys" that are insecure but it's bugging me as to what this is so i ask her. She replied "oh, i just wanted to have sex with you. Why? What did you thing this was?"
Now, thats fine. Really, it is. But i really had this strange idea in my head that im supposed to "court" this girl afterwards. Or at least be her "boyfriend" for a while. As liberating as it was it really hit home to me how little i really knew of the real world and how it works. Dont get me wrong, im 100% for women being sexually liberated, but i've never had that happen before. When i told my female friends they just said "yeah, she's just done what most guys do to girls they like".
Did any of you have any difficulty transitioning into the real world relationship-wise?
A sample of one does not a survey make.
I know JWs who behaved this way - only they were not as overt. I also know of non-JWs who would never behave this way.
As JWs we were always "courting with a view to marriage".You go on one date with a girl and everyone's expecting you're gonna marry her? You know the drill. You meet at a JW get-together or convention. You get the number. You arrange to meet up at a party or something (lots of chaperones of course). You maybe kiss. You date for a few years then get engaged. Looking back is the most ridiculous thing i've ever heard.
Date for a few years? Ummm, try date and get married in three months. I know for a fact I'm not the only one.
From my understanding I thought that as a JW you could only date a person for no more than 2 years, then you get married
Pale emperor.I too had the same experience.When my marrage split up i joined a dating site not realy knowing what to expect after meeting quite a few women i finaly found the one and we have been togeather 4 years.
Dating outside the J.W's is a whole diffrent experance to dating inside the J.W's casual sex is everywhere if you want to find it.
She replied "oh, i just wanted to have sex with you. Why? What did you thing this was?"
How about replying, "Well, could I call you once in a while and do it again?"
Well, we have Tinder and a whole lot of other dating apps now. Goodbye to those days of not being able to find a suitable partner amidst the very limited choices available in JW land. As what the thread title says, it's a whole new game out there and I'm loving it!
I met my latest wife through plenty of fish😋
I have a lot to say on this subject. When I finally started dating (and having sex) at 27, I was such a weird abnormality. My experience & maturity level was the equivalent of a teenage girl (and an early teenager no less), but the men I wanted to date had been dating 10-20 years. You truly don't have any peers of your same age with a similar level of experience or expectations.
I still too this day (10+ years) later, have a hard time with my emotional maturity and expectations compared to the guys I am dating. I still have a lot to make up for, but I still deal with the guilt, fear, etc that comes with our background. I can have sex without commitment occasionally, but i'm still not as active as most single people my age.