Need some help: Existential crisis in full swing

by Freeandclear 28 Replies latest jw friends

  • dubstepped

    I have gone through a lot of the crisis over the past year. First I lost faith in the JW's and disassociated in September. After questioning that I realized that everything I believed in was built on a book, the Bible, and that I had never questioned it. Well, doing that didn't turn out well for the Bible. I do believe that something greater than us exists as I have a hard time believing that we're the top of the chain, but it's just something I believe.

    I now believe in possibility. I now believe that I don't have to know everything.

    That keeps it simple for me. Could their be a benevolent God that cares about me personally? Sure, it's possible. Could their be no God at all? Yep, again it's possible. Perhaps a malevolent God that hates me? Why not? Ultimately, I have no control over any of that and don't worry so much anymore. If he/she/it has a path they want me to lead they should have made it more clear. If they want to hold that against me they aren't very just or fair, not much I can do there either.

    So I just live in the present as much as possible and try to be the best person I can be. Do no harm, try to grow as a human to be the best version of me that I can be, and enjoy every moment that I can because all I know that I have is that one moment. I exist in the now, not in something that may or may not exist.

  • 2badsosad

    New to this site, just came over from JWR. My intro post here, I listed a bunch of books/research that I've been through on my awakening trip.

    Can totally relate to your existential crisis, and the drinking to deal with it. I turned into a pro drinker - serious pro. Checked myself into an inpatient program recently. Actual met a professional therapist there that has a special interest in existential therapy. Now I'm really interested in it. Got me into reading some stuff from Neitche which was interesting, but I've now picked up a couple books from Viktor Frankl which deal more specifically on existentialism and the meaning of life. Haven't read them yet (just got them) but I think they'll be good.

    Anyway, I think what you're going through is completely understandable, and from my own experience potentially very serious. I suggest being proactive about seeking some assistance if you can. If you want to chat more about it, let me know. All the best.

  • mayushii

    I think existential crises are a universal human experience... unless their humanity was wiped out by a mind-control cult, that is. So welcome to being human! I'm sorry being human is so full of uncertainty. One of the only things I continue to miss about being was the (ultimately misguided) confidence I had that I was making all of the "right" life choices, when there are precious few "right" or "wrong" choices in life, just ones with different outcomes.

    But don't for one minute think that nothing you do or say matters in the end. Everything you do and say matters because even if you don't realize it, each tiny decision you make affects something or someone. I think about this a lot whenever I buy something. It seems meaningless, but each purchase we make supports the industry, the manufacturers, the shipping companies, the distribution companies, all of the people who own and work for them, their shareholders, etc. and also contributes to the practices that went into producing and delivering this product. Heck, I even listened to a Planet Money podcast not long ago that talked about how the unwanted items we donate to Goodwill are one of the USA's primary exports to Africa, and reselling them is a huge industry over there. So the simple acts involved with going about our daily lives shape the world. Isn't that both neat and scary at the same time?

  • Vidiot

    Find a good, enthusiastic sexual partner (it's not as hard as you might think).

    It'll take your mind off your problems very reliably, I guarantee. :smirk:

  • Freeandclear

    Thanks everyone for your replies, much appreciated.

    It's been a few days since this post started and I wanted to update some.

    I decided to quit drinking. I have pain in my right side for a while now which is not a good sign, most likely fatty liver or inflammed liver due to heavy sustained alcohol consumption. Hopefully it will subside in a few weeks.

    On another note, I get what most of you are saying. I've been doing a lot of reading on absurdism, nihilism and existentialism and all of these basically say the same things that most of you are saying: we exist, there are no rules, make your own rules and purpose to life, do no harm, etc.....

    My problem with all of this is simply this: what does any of it matter in the end? One day we will all be gone. No one will remember any thing about us, given enough time. If I hurt someone today yes it hurts them for now, maybe even for the rest of their short life but in the end what does it matter at all? It simply does not.

    Think about this; humanity in general. We are just an animal that happens to have self-awareness. We know we exist and we know that we will die. All we do as humans is "distract" ourselves. We grow up, we seek a career, we fall in love, we get hobbies, we raise our children, etc.... all of these distract us from the big looming reality over us all that one day we will no longer exist and that nothing we did/said/though will be remembered or matter.

    How many humans that have ever existed do we still remember today? Sure there are a few, but a very very few, and given enough time even the memory of those few will be snuffed out. So what? Even if we remember the words of Aristotle or whomever else forever what does it matter to the dead Aristotle? It doesn't because he no longer exists. And further more, even if it did, he was one many among billions.

    I'll be honest, I'm not handling this very well at all. I find no joy in anything right now, I see no point in going on and no end in sight. The only end is the one end I'm stressing over right now and IDK it's all just so pointless. I'm making myself sick even talking about all of it, but it's there underneath all my thoughts every day. I see no joy in life and even if I did, deep down there is still death coming.

  • Xanthippe

    FAC if it's making you ill do something. Google your questions and research the answers people give. You are right, you have to find your own purpose. Have you just tried putting questions into Google and following threads of research? It takes work. Well done giving up drink, I am very impressed. Now look for your answers and find your purpose. I found mine, it was hard work. Get to it before you make yourself ill. Good luck!

  • problemaddict 2
    problemaddict 2

    But there are new Star Wars movies! Stuff to look forward to is my point. things you enjoy for the sake of enjoyment. No?

  • dubstepped

    You seem to be fixated on everlasting things (sounds like the dubs on a level). You don't seem to see value in things that don't go on forever. Why? If you make an impact on a person today, why is that not good enough. If you experience love or pleasure today, why is that not good just because it doesn't last forever? Life is a jour, not a destination. You have to find joy and meaning in the every day things because those immediate rewards are enough. You can't live for some time deep in the future.

  • doofdaddy

    My two cents

    Reading your words I see that you are fixed on the future and the what ifs...

    Yes we all die. No one has been an exception to that rule.

    Yes we will be forgotten in the future. That's a definite.

    Ironically you are presently living in that future state, dead and forgotten.

    Isn't that such a waste of this precious gift of life?

    Look at the odds of you being born and especially in good health and in a country where you have so many opportunities.

    My opinion is for you not to try to change this situation at all but rather stare deep into it and see what answers come up. Some on this journey choose to kill themselves and I can understand that but hey they will never see what tomorrow brings.

    When we face our darkest fears we can become liberated from the past.

    Please be attentive to now as that's all we have.

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