How Did The Elders Treat You?

by minimus 23 Replies latest jw friends

  • steve2

    Their treatment of me showed a wide range from tolerance to disdain to indifference which left me feeling quite at home in JW land.

  • Biahi

    I was brought up from infancy from this crap. I always hated it, it never sat right with me. Unfortunately I was born with critical thinking skills, so most elders hated me, I always thought tney wanted me out.

  • zeb

    A brother did the dirty on me when building a house.

    Committee meetings followed. results were; Be spiritual, attend the meetings etc

    Later when the same bro came into money i tried to get some out of him but guess what there were no records of the committee meetings, funny that. Then one elder told me they were not "real committee meetings"

    So how did the elders treat me why with sheer contempt.

  • Emily1987
    One of our most respected elders turned out to be a paedophile and was put on the offenders list and given a 5 year suspended sentence. He was disfellowshipped but continued to come to the hall and sit on the back row to watch all of the young children. The elders hassled myself and my husband because we refused to go to meetings because we didn't want to sit in the same room as someone like him. We were told we had to learn to forgive him just as Jesus had said. From that moment on the elders disliked us. Everyone else was being obedient to the elders, learning to forgive this man who had lied to the congregation for 20 years. Meanwhile, we had told the elders we could no longer trust them or their judgement. From then on, we no longer had any visits or calls from elders. It has made our fade so much easier!
  • pale.emperor

    Growing up my mother idolized elders and their families. Whenever I was dating the girl always happened to be an elders daughter (maybe subconsciously I thought they were better?) and my mum would be so proud telling everyone I'm dating an elders daughter. She'd invite elders and especially the CO for lunch at every opportunity. My dad was a lowly Ministerial Servant, not quite "a gift in men" just yet.

    I remember whatever an elder or elders wife said, would trump anything we personally thought. One time my mum threw away some toys I had called Crash Dummies because an elders wife said she didnt like the look of them.

    Growing up I never trusted elders. They were on another plain entirely. Their families were all friends and had their own parties. It was a boys club where their kids would all know eachother and other elders families around the circuit.

    When I got married (to an elders daughter) it was horrible. Her dad had to know everything that we did and would interfere and treat us like kids. Of course he'd then tell the other elders, who'd tell their wives and kids etc.

    So in my house we had a number one rule: Don't tell elders anything.

    Unfortunately, I'd find out later that this was a rule only I kept.

    Thinking back, there have been only 3 elders I thought were genuinely nice people. One of them has since turned out to be an asshole (referred to here:, another has since died.

    It seems that in 99.9999999999% of cases, the criteria to be an elder is that you must be an asshole and friends with other elders.

  • joe134cd

    One elder in particular I remember. He was Knick named “ Charles the hit man Glendening”.

  • pale.emperor

    One elder in particular I remember. He was Knick named “ Charles the hit man Glendening”.

    Where was this Joe? There's Glendenings here in Liverpool too.

  • Good JW
    Good JW

    How Did The Elders Treat You?

    Great as a subservient kid growing up in the hall, but as I got older, with a little disdain.

    I hate living within a constricted box, so would often try to break as many rules as possible without getting thrown out.

    Silly rules such as always having to wear a suit jacket no matter what the weather, or not having top button on shirt undone due to strangulation (shirts were a nightmare to fit comfortably since I was always bulking up with weight lifting lol).

    When you leave you realise how ridiculous the unwritten rules were. It was about the only excitement the congregation had - to gossip about the latest rule breaker.

    Stone him!!!

  • joe134cd

    No not in Liverpool. 1000s of miles away

  • blondie

    No backroom meetings for me, ever. I was prepared with the scriptures and/or WTS official quotes. I would ask them to show me what scripture they based their opinion on, respectfully with a tone of voice that showed I was sincere, which I was. I said that if I were to pass on this information to a nonjw or fellow jw, I would have to have some backing on it.

    Of course, when I married and my husband was baptized, they would try to pass it on through him. He would just tell them if that had a problem to talk directly to me. Of course, that never happened and he never subscribed that it had to go through him. He would say that his wife was quite intelligent and could speak for herself.

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