Need advice (page 3)

macys

Hi darkknight I can understand your pain. I can not give you much advice except that losing family might become a reality and you need to face that. I know I did. It hurt me so much but it made me a stronger person. I could no longer live a lie. But if you are going to go out with a bang then you might as well sneak a few words about 607 and UN membership in there. You know get some people to look around and start asking questions. You might move a whole congregation to get up and leave.

Nitty-Gritty

It is not "NO baptism NO drivers license". It was just an illustration to show that if a person is old enough to be responsible to drive a car, they are also old enough to think about their responsibility towards God. But in the end it's THEIR decision as Morris says, it is a PERSONAL relationship with God and a dedication to God symbolized by baptism and isn't "because the parents say so" or anyone else for that matter.

Tornintwo

Hi darkknight - there are a lot more experienced people than me on this board who can help you with fading advice,. Just wanted to say as a woman and a mum how sorry I am for you and your wife, my sister went through this heartbreak 3 times but finally has 2 lovely children, so don't give up hope (I'll pm with you with the treatment that worked for her, just in case it's relevant). The organisation is terrible at shepherding people through loss and trauma, they only tell people to do more and are always ready to reprove & discipline. It sounds like maybe your wife is feeling this too and a bit of time away from the meetings, maybe a few weekends away here and there might do her good, and get her out of the mind control....

I am sure it won't alarm her if you just say 'do you ever have any doubts....?', if she says 'what no! never!' you know where you are, you can just cover it over quickly and say 'I don't know what's wrong with me, think I'm a bit down' or something like that. But she might say, 'well actually, yes.......'. I like Giordanos suggestion of starting with the child abuse issue, for any one with maternal tendencies this is a crucial aspect for awakening. I mean, 1006 pedophiles on file in Bethel in Australia alone and not ONE reported - that's got to ring alarm bells for any decent human being. Best wishes to you both x

mrquik

I too, as many others here served as an elder. Gradual fading is typically is the most effective way to leave. Ask your wife her feelings about the WBTS. Avoid the overwhelming desire to throw everything at her at once. This is a long term process; give it time. Try to come to a consensus of what you two really believe to be true & go from there. Good luck.

ABibleStudent

Welcome Darkknight757, If your wife wants to get pregnant and keeps having miscarriages, has she tried taking a baby aspirin every day before and during her pregnancy until the 8 month? My friend's wife did that and they have 3 children now after numerous miscarriages.

To help your wife awaken:

Read Steven Hassan's latest book, "Combating Cult Mind Control" with one "t" and not two "t"'s and visit his website www.freedomofmind.com ,
Show your wife lots of love by planning special activities that slowly introduce her to non-JWs and that she enjoys,
Tell your wife that you love her more than being an elder,
Do not tell your wife about your feelings about the Watchtower until she has done her own independent research about it,
Only have a baby with your wife after you are convinced that she loves you more than the Watchtower.

Stealth

Hi DK,

The only advice that I would offer is to take your exit slow. During the grieving process, springing this on your wife now might be to much for her to handle. Maybe look into some family counseling outside of the org.

Very sorry for your loss!

FayeDunaway

When you see or hear something shocking from the congregation, WT or GB, share it with her. Start sharing your doubts openly, as they come. Go through this together. Maybe a good idea would be to go on vacation soon and bring up he two things you already mentioned, and talk about it in that neutral space.

i am so sorry for the losses you and your wife have had. Be there for her, spend a lot of time cuddling with her. Be a team, work with her through it. Maybe you can come out of that false religion together too.

The Searcher

Hi Darkknight, suffering such pain and loss is heart-rending, and you and your wife need other's time, love and company - now more than ever.

This may sound difficult to do, but honestly, it's so easy: at your next meeting, ask the coordinator and another Service Committee elder to go into the back room with you. Tell them that for very personal and private reasons, you are standing down as an elder with immediate effect.

Don't give them any further information, even if they push you. Just repeat, "It's personal & private."

Let them think whatever they want - you're now free to spend more time with your loving wife, and she will greatly appreciate having more private time with you.

Jump ship & start swimming this week. You will be so unburdened and relieved when you do it. Best wishes.

Sofia Lose

I like Zoos' take on it: My wife needs my dedicated support. I need to step down for a while. Then start missing meetings slowly. If the wife turns super JW, start feeling depression and anxiety yourself and miss meetings as usual as possible.

Good luck.

SL

truthlover

DK:

Right now you are not in a position to drop out.

Although this is a sad time for you both, it could be the time when you "can't handle any more responsibilities at this time".... "your wife is having a hard time as are you" ... "you would appreciate it if another brother could take over your responsibilities for now".......

This can be termed as depression and you both need doctors advice as to what to do to help you through this...

AND-- this is not a lie. Take the time to reflect and make yourselves well, then you can proceed with whatever you think will work

TL

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