I've been in love with a Jehovah Witness without knowing it for a long time, he hid it from everyone.

by sakurafeathers 16 Replies latest social relationships

  • Cold Steel
    Cold Steel

    I know it's difficult to grasp, but the person you are at this young age is not the person you'll be in five years. The truth is, you don't know what you want. You get involved with a guy now and you'll never develop the independence you need to develop to become the person you otherwise will be. You'll simply be someone with "baggage." You need your youth and education to become the person you want to be. In seven years you don't want to be one of those women who say, "Yeah, I was young and stupid...I let my emotions and immaturity get the best of me." Instead of having a decent job, you'll be divorced and be a single mom working a waitress somewhere. Not only are you going to change, he's going to change. He may or may not be a JW, but you'd be betting your future on things beyond the control of either of you.

    Seek some counseling. Don't avoid it because you fear what you'll hear. You're at a pivotal part of your life.

  • sakurafeathers

    Hello :) thank you all for your advice, i really appreciate it and i never had talked with people who really understood the situation. The only person connected with JW i ever talked was him and my friends don't understand what's going on and i think that they think i'm really dumb but this whole story has been stronger than me, that's why i came here. So, everyone of you told me to move on because even we meet in the future and marry that would be such a painful life for me and our future kids. I'm already trying to move on but you know, there's always a little a dumb hope that things work out... now i'm trying to find a new person to love, but to be honest i'm not ready for it yet, i need time to myself after all this pain, but my friends keep insisting... they don't understand. and honestly i don't know yet how to love another person, i'm so used to this pain... I hope one day he leaves the religion, that would be the only chance for things work out (and even that would be hard). I will let destiny brings me what it has in store for me and i hope there are good things and people and i like to believe that if we are really meant to each other, love will find a way, and he will "awake" (because i always respected his religion but i hadn't realized how toxic it was for himself until now! that's why i never tried to deconvert him). But for now i'll follow your advice, and i hope he will leave his religion for his own good at least. i know some part of his family is not JW and he was first baptized as a catholic and he celebrated birthdays and christmas and stuff so his family has no roots in it and he hid he was a JW because he was embarrassed about it so i think that maybe 1% of knows that is a toxic religion. but well thank you all very much! i need to be happy and free and i'll move on for the time being :)

    (If you have more advice for me, you can tell, i like to read your messages :) )

  • LisaRose

    I am glad you understand what you are up against and are trying to move on.

    Of course the best thing would be if he could leave, but that's a hard one. If he really knew the history of the religion he belonged to he might see that it is not at all what it claims to be. The problem is that Jehovah's Witnesses have been conditioned to suspect and not believe any thing that is critical of the Watchtower, and that goes double if it is from former members, as we are considered "mentally diseased apostates". This is how cults work and why it is so hard to break free. Even after I left the religion I still had some of this thinking, because it took me eight years before I felt comfortable enough to talk to other former members, I still believed the lie that they were all bitter vindictive people who want to destroy the faith of JWs. You can show a JW direct proof from a major newspaper that the Watchtower lied and they will say it's just a trick of Satan, it's hard to combat that kind of thinking.

    If you are interested, I have compiled a list of suggestions on how to help people break free of the Watchtower. It's compiled from various posters who have been successful.


    It has some ideas on things to talk about, some information on cults and how they work and shyly me references.

  • sakurafeathers

    Thank you so much LisaRose! it's good to know that there are actually people who could leave the religion so they could have a better life, i think i wasn't aware of how bad this religion was... i knew it was bad but maybe not that bad.

    and if i knew there was a guide about helping JW breaking free back then, when he was happily telling me all of his beliefs, i think in that time i was still in time to try to deconvert him. for the time being, it's too late. maybe one day if i decided to come back to talking to him. i've decided i need to know more people and try the love of someone before that and if nothing works and nothing makes me happy (which i truly hope that doesn't happen), maybe i'll try again with him, but only the time will tell.

  • Giordano

    Sakurafeathers all during high school I was in love with a jw girl or what I thought was love. We grew up with one another in the congregation........ laughed and talked after every meeting. In short I adored her. The more she rejected my intentions the more i wanted her in my life.

    Eventually I got tired of that dance and started dating other sisters (JW speak for females in the religion). No real connection to any of them.

    I went away and pioneered where the need was great (100 hours a month knocking on doors) conducting the ministry school in the small congregation. By happenstance I met my future wife........ she was 16 and never remembered our first meeting......... it happened when I drove her brother home........ 120 mile round trip and she was sleeping and never really woke up. I made no impression on her and she didn't fare well with me. Later I learned that first impressions were only that. We met again in a few weeks at a JW assembly. We took a walk and shared a bit of information about one another. She was lovely and bright and funny. She apologized for not inviting me to dinner after I had driven all those miles to get her brother back home. We were holding hands by that time and she lifted up our hands and said "look my hand is bigger then your hand!" and I said "so are your breasts".

    We both started laughing and couldn't stop.

    53 years later she's a room away reading as I write this. Tomorrow morning whoever get's up first will go downstairs and bring breakfast up. We will talk about the day ahead.

    I fake sleeping in some times.

    That sister I had the crush on? We had a wedding reception and she was in line and planted an epic kiss on me. I remember it to this day. I also remember thinking 'sorry sister X your too late'.

    My wife is my everything.......I hope you have an opportunity to experience the same.

  • nonjwspouse

    Just to ponder on... my husband was away from the JW life ( he was born in, but not baptized) for ~30 years. He promised when we married he had no intentions on going back to the KH or get back to the JW "lifestyle". I was naive and only knew the surface, " public face" of the JW. Well, our daughter was 5 when he decided he was going to get baptized within a year, and that it was his "job" to force me to have a bible ( JW book) study with him once a week, and he said " I have to teach you your belief is all lies, and I have to teach you to see the truth") along with our daughter. (She was in kindergarten at a catholic school)! His JW encouraged "new personality" was very damaging, abusive.

    Though that did finally blow over for the most part, our marriage, the trust we used to have, has never been the same.The fallout does not just "go away".

    This is not just " a religion" it is a method of mind control. It is very, very, very strong. It is a life long struggle according to all I have read, heard, and seen.

  • Mandrake

    I was that boy, i got out but she didnt wait for me to clarify my internal struggle, and our relation were VERY DAMAGED ... now in happy with my non believer gf but it's not her, maybe she was a big factor in getting out of the cult along my parent's divorce... But it costed me a lot emotionally to handle that difficult relationship with my ex... In somehow grateful to her (And my gf now knows that I'm out partially because of her, my ex)

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