Planning Your Exit

by minimus 26 Replies latest jw friends

  • scratchme1010
    Did you have a plan to leave the Organization? I did. It took a couple of years but we did leave and never had a desire to go back!

    I did, and it also took years. Something that I try to emphasize when people are in the process of leaving is not to think for a second that fading is just to stop attending meetings, especially for those like me who are born-in. There was a process of education, planning and building support and a sense of direction outside, and also, in my case, knowing that I was going to walk away from the first 23 years of my life without looking back, That is no small thing and does require planning.

    I have learned that in other people's cases it has not taken them that long, and in other cases some people have not had the luxury of affording the time to plan, especially those who were disfellowshipped but also had other ties with JWs (such as being employed by other JWs). In those cases the change is rather sudden, and things have to be dealt with rather quickly.

    Whenever possible, building a good support system outside the JWs is essential (IMO), and that takes time.

  • Sail Away
    Sail Away

    No planning involved. I walked out of a ministry school meeting, because I just couldn't stand one more word about the coming death and destruction at Armageddon. I mulled over my long-standing doctrinal issues including shunning of family members for six weeks on my own. Not a word to my husband. I didn't want him to influence my decision. Knowing I wasn't about to shun my DF'd son once he moved out, I was done. I told my family I wasn't going to be a witness anymore. To say they were surprised is an understatement.

  • HereIgo

    Yes, I basically knew that I would fade by moving across town and ignore phone calls. It could have been done a little cleaner but looking back, it was a clean fade for a 21 year old and I wouldn't change a thing.

  • blownaway

    Run don't walk.

  • snugglebunny

    No. Just suddenly saw that it was bullshit. It happened overnight. Went to a pub, got mildly drunk, smoked several cigars, went home told then wife who went berserk, who told parents who reacted in similar fashion. Never went back.

  • minimus

    I did a classic fade. My family left around the same time as most in the congregation went on vacation in the beginning of the summer. I think we interspersed one or two KH visits during the summer. Nobody realized we were just never going back even in September. So literally months went by before they figured out we were among the missing. 😈

  • sparrowdown

    Phase one: I started missing every other night meeting then went once a month for while then stopped all night meetings. Phase two was the same process with sunday meetings and FS groups until the only thing I was doing was putting in a fake report for a few months then "forgot" for a couple until the secretary stopped asking.

  • LongHairGal


    Yes, I did. After the 1995 Generation teaching I knew it was over. I researched many sites on the internet and read a couple of books.

    I decided to set a date for my exit. Maybe it was a cross between "cold turkey" and a "fade". It was in colder weather and it was a weeknight meeting.

    The first time I stopped going, I stayed home and watched CSI. Even though it felt strange at first, it was a relief to not go out into the cold night. This was about seventeen years ago but nowadays I want to be indoors at night. I wouldn't want to be sitting anywhere at night and having to drive home late. Not safe IMO...Also, my weekends were my own and since I was working full time I needed my sleep.

    All of this drove the point home that being in the JW religion was a job - and one I'm glad I quit.

  • zeb

    I faded actually long before I had heard the term. I didn't wish to hurt anyone there by doing a big walk out nor did I wish to give those so self righteous the 'privilege' ..(!) of hearing my name read out.

    Go back? hell may bar the way I am far better informed now as to what its about and too ill to want to partake of the hypocrisy soup.

  • Old Navy
    Old Navy

    My association began at age 15, baptized at 16, attended meetings for almost two years. I was in High School at the time and once it became common knowledge that I was a Jw many of my teachers had heart-to-heart talks with me to help me to think about what I was doing. The Pastor of my EUB Church had several discussions with me which were very helpful. My Father's family devoted much effort to dissuade me from remaining a Jw and my Father himself was very strongly opposed. He'd search my room while I was at school and when he found any Watchtower Literature he'd take it and burn it.

    I consequently did develop doubts and following graduation from High School rarely attended meetings any longer. That is when I joined the Navy to escape the turmoil and the witnesses. An escape that, compared to the typical experience here, was a cakewalk. It was very easy because I had no other family or close friends involved. The Navy was the best move ever. While I didn't plan on a career in the Navy, it did come to pass. My initial obligation was for two years of active duty as a Reservist. While aboard ship in the San Francisco/Oakland/Alameda area with frequent cruises to the Western Pacific I came to love the life of a sailor.

    Once I retired from the Navy and re-entered civilian life, I was approached by the witnesses and I did study with them for a time and did attend meetings for a time but never let on that I had any prior association. It was primarily to satisfy my curiosity; to determine whether the witnesses really had it.

    Once I discovered that they really didn't have it, walking away the second time was equally painless.

    Since then I have found It.

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