Stuck in a never-ending rut

somebody

Have any of you been stuck in a rut when filling out a job application when it came to filling out that dreaded portion that requires you to:

List at least 3 persons who are not related to you who have known you for 5 or more years.

It's that moment that you can't list all your "friends" in the borg, because they are not going to give you a TRUE reference regarding what kind of person you are. They now see you as evil becaue you "went apostate" because you left the organization/their god.

It finally dawns on you that you have no friends who aren't related to you. because all the people you worked with who weren't JWs, were considered "worldy people" who you never got to know because of that evil label you put on them and stayed away and did not want to be "mixing in with their company". So you can't list them as references because they don't even know who you are if they were ever called.

I've been out of the borg for about 20 years and still cannot list 3 damn friends as contacts. I was taught to be antisocial in the borg, and I pay the price forever.

Some people may scoff at this, but the borg has affected us all in different ways. Those who scoff at it is because it is not one of the ways the borg affected them personally.

I'm just venting on ONE way that it affected me till death do I part.

peace,

somebody/gwen...of the friendless class.

Angharad

I had this exact problem recently when applying for a job.

I've been out of work for 5 years because of being at home with kids - so past employers references are no good as they are too old. All the other people that I would have asked for a reference are in the troof

So yes I'm well and truly stuck in a rut and feel like I'm unemployable!

bikerchic

I've had the same problem. On top of that I've moved out of the State where I did all my previous work. Oh that and I'm OLD..........seems no one wants to hire an old gal. Guess life's experiences get you nothing.

I'm in the process of retraining to be something else........I just don't know what I want to be when I grow up!

Katie

somebody

dear ((((((angharad))))))))))))),

I understand!

If I were you I would resist the urge and get to know personaly the other moms and dads that have children who go to school with your two boys. I'm sure you all have so much in common, raising children. Therefore you can make real, unconditional friendship and you can feel free to put them down as references, as they would you. Get to know people! I think the biggest benefit of that is real friendship, more than it is being able to supply job references. You are still young and you are a wonderful person. I can tell that just from you being on the board. I do know that you're shy and I remember Simon trying to prod you to post on the board because he knew you had so much to share but your shyness was keeping you from doing so!

I'm glad that your overpowered your shyness to that extent. We've all benefitted ( is that a word? ) :-) from you posting your thoughts!

No all you have to do is hope that you find an employer who will understand you seeing as how you can't put the conditional " friends " down as references. The worldly people will put no conditions on your friendship if you can find it in you to relax around them. Their love and concern will be real. If not, you'll be able to sence it right away by their actions in the workplace.

And I think most employers understand moms taking a few years off to raise their children to school age at least. especailly when they have more than one child.

I worked the same job almost since the 80's when my kids were kids! So it's only NOW that I have to provide references who are not related to me. My boss retired and shut down the company 5 months ago. I've been scared to death looking for a new job, with new people.

peace,

gwen

somebody

lol@bickerchic!

I feel like I'm old too! where do I start? and what the hell is up with this resume shit? My view on that alone would make no one want to hire this old chick with lots of life's experience.

I say...give us a chance!

it's their loss sometimes. that's how I feel.

What is that song from the wizard of Oz? If I only had a friend?

peace,

somebody/gwen

RAYZORBLADE

This may not be original, but just wondered Somebody.

Do you have any cousins who are not JWs, who have last names different than yours?

Sometimes this can work wonders.

Not guaranteed, but just an off-hand idea.

JW cult damage; prevented you from having healthy relationships outside of the KH - then when you leave, the very thing they know that strangles its members, kicks in, thus that's why so many stay, because the shunning is too much. The reprecussions, as you have indicated, take on an entirely different twist.

Best of luck Somebody.

think41self

Hey, I volunteer myself to be used as a reference for you Somebody!!!!!

Email me and I'll provide you the pertinent info. I mean, I've known you for several years now, haven't I?

Angharad, I'd do the same for you sweetie.

Tracy

Angharad

Thanks Somebody and everyone for the encouragment

And I think most employers understand moms taking a few years off to raise their children to school age at least. especailly when they have more than one child.

Yes I think / hope your right - I think I was unlucky because I wnt to an agency to try and get some temporary work and the girl that was going through my resume just didnt seem to understand about kids and was quite patronizing - she looked at me like I was some sort of mutant when I said there was no one that had known me for 5 years that would give me a reference! The most annoying thing is that I've actually not been totally out of work for 5 years, I'm employed by Simon's business doing his accounts etc - but of course no one will take a reference off him because we're married, and I got the impression from this girl that that didnt count as working. (cant you tell she annoyed the hell out of me )

It's just frustrating because there have been times when I know I could do the job with my eyes closed but I havent got the list of name to give them!

Razor - you've got me thinking with your suggestion - I do have an uncle who is not a JW and runs a very successful business - and he doesnt share the same surname

Keep looking everyone - we'll get there !

Prisca

Ang (and anyone else who is looking for work via employment agencies),

Don't feel you can only register at one agency and one alone. If you have a bad experience with an agency, or you think they aren't acting in your best interests, then register at more agencies. I am currently signed up at 4 different agencies, and they all have their own idiosyncrasies. It's quite acceptable to be signed up at more than one agency - the ones I know pretty much expect it.

As for old employers/references - even though you haven't worked for 5 years or so, you still did a good job when you were working, eh? If you can still get in touch with him, I'd suggest asking him to be a "alternate" reference (someone they can call if someone else isn't able to be contacted). I have an employer that was my supervisor 3 years ago, that I still use as a reference when I need one. We've stayed in contact since, and it helps to use this kind of networking to get a foot into other jobs.

I fully understand the scenerio of the lack of people that you can name as contacts/references. Apart from a relative or two, I can't name anyone else who has known me well for more than 5 years who isn't a JW.

It takes time to make new friends, and to watch these new friendships grow.

Gopher

Somebody,

I just had a thought -- throw it away if you can't use it. Perhaps you can go volunteer for 2 or 3 months. Call the United Way and see if they know of any agencies looking for volunteers like you. Get out in the community.

You'll get to work side-by-side with some other volunteers, you'll have something to add to your (ahem) resume, and also you will meet people who will see you over a period of time and will be able to provide good, honest references. (At least in my perfect world.)

Wishing you all the best,

JEFF

Stuck in a never-ending rut

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