Hi everyone. I just recently found this forum and found it very interesting to read. I'm not a JW nor have I ever been. I grew up in a Christian home and was always told not to accept flyers or magazines from JW's. I didn't know why, and didn't understand it at all, but you don't question your parents right? A couple months ago I met a JW online. I don't want to give out his real name so we'll just call him Bob. :o) We have tons in common and I won't deny that we both have feelings towards eachother. So now I've been thrown into the world of JW's. At one point I was considering converting, it'd make our whole relationship much easier. But after reading only one sentence on this forum, I realized this whole "religion" really is messed up. It physically made me sick to my stomach. I've tried talking to Bob about it many times but as you know there's an argument for everything it seems. It's really hard. His mom is now monitoring his cell phone calls....outgoing AND incoming. So I can no longer call him, and just this evening he said he's not sure we can talk anymore. It saddens me because some of his friends are fading and it's making him hold tighter to his beliefs. He's not happy, his dad hasn't beat him or his mom, but has come VERY close. Bob LOVES kids, but doesn't want any because the world is filled with hatred and blah blah blah. I see it differently in that if I were to raise my kids right, wouldn't that help to get rid of some of the hatred? Anyways, I'm rambling. It's almost 4am. I can't sleep b/c I've been on here all nite reading and I have so much on my mind. I want him to be happy, not feel depressed, lonely, and guilty 24-7. BTW I should mention we've never met in real life, and he's 19 and lives at home, and i'm 18 and live away from home. Anyways, that's my whole intro. I look forward to reading more. C yas!
LP Gurl, I'm so glad you took it upon yourself to make an investigation into your on-line boyfriend's religion.
Sad as it is, what is making him miserable is not you. It is his Jehovah's Witness mindset.
You probably made him feel like a real human for a brief period of time.
You are probably not the first person to encounter this situation. It happens more often than not. Some JWs with any doubts or who may be fed up with their situation, may find some solace outside of the JW lifestyle, if for only brief and fleeting moments.
The sad thing is, chances are he has little or no mind of his own as an active JW. I think he may be feeling otherwise, but the trick is to conform, that being you, to the religion. Even then, you're NOT guaranteed this relationship with this man. You will never be able to do enough - and it won't be for him, it'll be for the organization/religion.
I am sorry that this has happened to you, and I'm sure it has tugged heavily on your heart. When our emotions become intertwined with others, it's difficult to simply back away.
But I have some sense that you are a clever young woman, and intelligent enough to take a look at the religion he follows, and see it for what it is.
You do as they do, no matter what (happy/sad < more sad). If you have a mind of your own, which you appear to possess, stay clear of the religion.
It is HIM, that needs to make major adjustments, not you my dear.
If he remains with the Jehovah's Witnesses, then I'm afraid you're out of luck, and unless you conform to their belief system, you won't be seeing him, or hearing from him.
Think of it, how many boys do you know, have their parents screening their calls at 19 years of age?? Don't you find that rather, unusual?
I wish you well. I wish I could say something to make you feel better. But trust us, the participants on this forum, you'd be wise to stay clear of the Jehovah's Witnesses. The stories and experiences we post on here, are as a result of our years spent under their watchful eye. You lose your individuality, and your ability to utilize critical thinking.
Be well. I hope you'll come back. There are many fine women on this forum who will relate to your story.
Keep us posted, will you? I'm curious as to how all of this turns out.
Your priority: YOU - you look after yourself.
I'm so glad you came here to investigate this site.
Best wishes LP_Gurl.
Hi, LP_gurl, and welcome!
My first thoughts are that you are only 18, and have a whole life ahead of you. Do you really want to get involved with this guy? Just from your brief intro., it is obvious that there are many problems already, and you haven't even met!
It sounds to me that you have many doubts. Why do you think his mother is monitoring his cell-phone? Doesn't that give you an idea of the mentality of this religion?
It's your choice, but if I were you, I would end this relationship before it turns nasty.
A couple months ago I met a JW online. ......... We have tons in common and I won't deny that we both have feelings towards eachother.
No offence, but if you've never met this person you can only be infatuated with him (with his comments, actually). You have absolutely NOTHING in common with this guy, believe me. He has a closed mind, yours is open - keep yours that way!
This forum is full of exJWs who have been pained beyond belief by a religion that purports to be Christian. Your "boyfriend" is a part of that system and is, therefore, dangerous - without his even necessarily realising it.
Sorry, but unless your friend is willing to get out of the Borg find yourself a nice, worldly guy who'll take you for what you are and who won't try to impose his views on you.
Here is my list of things you should do:
1. Find yourself another Bob.
2. As a last service to this Bob give him the URL of this forum and tell him it's just brought up too many questions about the WT teachings and administration. Then if he's interested let him sort his life out by himself.
3. Then move on and live your life without any JW influence.
JMHO Have a great Life - Wheels
LP< welcome to the board!
First of all, after reading your post, it seems to me that you have invested a lot of emotion into someone you have never met. I'd hate to see you put yourself through all kinds of anguish only to one day realize that he may well not be the guy for you anyway.
Secondly, getting involved in the jw world is a major undertaking. Whether you become a jw or not, and whether Bob stays very active with it or not, it is a religion that will unquestionably become a major factor in your life. Are you really ready for that? You are so young - it really might be best not to burden yourself at this point in your life with so much mental, emotional, and physical baggage.
Even from a jw standpoint, they strongly discourage coming into their religion by means of the 'romance' route. In fact, Bob would be strongly discouraged from having anything to do with you until you became a jw, and a "spiritually strong" one at that.
Whatever you decide, think seriously about the advice and input you get here. Take care!
Much good advice and suggestions already stated here. I'm just jumping in too 'ditto' their words of wisdom because living the life of a JW is something a sincere, loving, compassionate young woman would find themselves at odds with. And for heaven's sake...never breed chidlren into that religion!!!!!
The quickest way to ruin your life is becoming involved emotionally with a JW... trust me, it'll mess you up, so stay away from 'em, and also, keep in mind that they will tell you we are evil vile people, but all we are, are people who chose to think for themselves rather than be brainwashed by the religion! Good luck, best wishes. ^_^ and give him the URL to the forum, maybe he'll learn.
Welcome to the board hon!!!!!!!!!
I am glad you decided to investigate the religion before converting. Stick around and read some more.
Looking forward to hearing more from you.
His mom is now monitoring his cell phone calls....outgoing AND incoming. So I can no longer call him, and just this evening he said he's not sure we can talk anymore.
I should mention we've never met in real life, and he's 19 and lives at home, and i'm 18 and live away from home.
Your parents original warning not to get involved with JWs was wise. Lets look at this:
Bob is a legal adult at 19 but is under under more surveillance than Tony Soprano. You've never met the guy in real life. Bob, is resistant to following his friends out of the JWs. The only possible way for you to be together is to convert. Even then, that is no guarantee that Mom will let you two be together. If you should happen to get engaged, it will be a chaste time where the only way to really get to know Bob will be through phone conversation, email, or chaperoned visits. If you should happen to get married, where will you live? I knew of many young JW couples who end up living with their JW parents. If you end up living at his house, can you take a nosy mother-in-law monitoring all your phone conversations?
These are very real questions you should be asking yourself. My advice to you is to find a boyfriend with a life. You are young; you have plenty of time to do some shopping and test driving.