I never thought in a million years..

thegentleman

That I would love a JW gal.. Deep down I am a hopeless romantic at heart. I had given her a heart-shaped necklace and I told her "That this symbolizes me giving my heart to you". We have been through good times and bad , maybe its just me, I go all out when I'm passionate about something. She hasnt had it easy though, her mom is going through a 4th bout with cancer, she never had a father in her life. Her family is a divided household between JW's and non-JW. Her mom is a non-jw as is her brother but her aunt and cousin are JW's and they seem to "run" the house. Before they even met me I was already called the "white devil". When her mom was in the hospital I was going to send a card but I was asked not to by her because her aunt might see it and "it would cause trouble". I've heard these people call her a "jezebel" and saying that there is "satan in this house." I had told her that if someone had said anything like that to her while I'm standing there with all due respect I would say something. I went to the memorial and attended meetings to know more about it because when I would ask her questions , it was like she didnt want to tell me anything about the borg. It's like I only knew one side of her and this side I didnt. To make a long story a bit shorter(I'll fill in the rest soon) , the elders find out , they recited the whole "marry only in the eyes of the Lord" , he only wants you for sex, etc. spiel. I would be the happiest guy going to a ballgame, basketball, talking, really having an emotional bond. I told her I would wait to make love till we get married no matter how long that would be. I know it sounds strange , but thats what I believe in. Just to hold hands , its corny, but its the best. I was going to suprise her with a trip to Venice and propose to her while we would ride on a gondola on the water. I know, I know not original , but I always liked it. I told her that I would talk to the elders, I'm not afraid of what they would say to me, who do they think they are anyway? It was as if she was acting so much in fear and scared to do something for herself. These people that she now stands by ,tear her down and I have been supportive and encouraging with her. Who does she stay with? Not me. She knows that if she ever gets Df'd her so-called "friends" wouldnt be her friends anymore. Its all conditional.. This is all a big appearance. I was told by her that "I have to do the right thing" . Now, nothing, no phone call, no nothing. As if she doesnt care, like she's mechanical or something. As if I just fell off the face of the earth. I wish I wouldnt care, but I do.

sandy

thegentleman,

You seem like a really great guy. You are in a tough situation. I can relate to your story. I was the JW girl who dumped the "devil". I regretted it for a long time afterward. She may change her mind when she realizes what she gave up.

I wouldn't try to push her. Give her some time.

I do not think there is only one perfect person for you or anyone else. I know you feel like this now but time will take away the pain and offer hope.

I hope she changes her mind and goes back to you without being involved in her religion. I think that is the only way you two can be truly happy together. Other wise there will always be divisions between the two of you.

I wish the best for you and I hope others on this board can offer you better advice.

If she doesn't take you back I'll take you.

I hope I was not too insensitive.

Jesika

I have seen this many times since I have been a member here.

The only thing I can tell you, is if she is unwilling to break away from the holds of the religion, I would suggest you move on. A JW won't change unless they want to.

How old are you? and how old is this girl?

I know you think it doesn't matter, but it gives us a better outlook on her mentallity, being most of us were JW's before and can give you the insight she won't give you.

I hope and wish you the best, you sound like a nice guy. I just don't want to see you waisting your time, and if we can help you make a decision, or give you the insight you need, at least you know you did try to understand where she is coming from.

In my opinion, if she is willing to be around people who tear her down, she is the one that has to make the choice to walk away from them, whether you are in her life or not.

Jes

Big Tex

In a situation where there is a divide (in whatever form that it takes), that partner must eventually make a choice. And so it is here. This woman sounds as if she has made her choice. Jehovah's Witnesses are an organization that demands everything you've got. If she married you and stayed a Witness, she would face constant pressure from her family and congregation. It would drive a wedge between you.

She must choose between you and her religion. It sounds as if she has already made that choice. I know it hurts now, but with all due respect would you rather have a little pain now or a lot of pain later? Would you really want only part of her love? As long as she is a Witness that is all you'll get.

I'm very sorry for your situation. You sound like a good guy and frankly you deserve better.

Peace,

Chris

thegentleman

Thanks everyone, listening or in this case reading means lots.. I'm 30 and she's 26. I guess she has to see it for herself.....

Chris

thegentleman

and Sandy you werent insensitive at all..

joannadandy

Will you marry me??? LOL.

As if she doesnt care, like she's mechanical or something. As if I just fell off the face of the earth. I wish I wouldnt care, but I do.

It is totally understandable that you care, you obviously really liked this girl...but if she is a "good dub" she will always choose her God over you, no matter how sweet and how loving you are...

I agree, give her some time...if she is going to come around she will.

It sounds like her life is pretty stressful right now, for lots of reasons, your relationship-like it or not, is only going to add to the stress and turmoil in her life.

Be there for her, be good to her (as you have been)...but you need to have a serious talk with her. The fact that she hasn't exactly been open with you about her religious beliefs is not a very good sign. You need to ask her to ask her what she wants...if she is honest, she will tell you. I wouldn't pressure her, but you do have a right to ask because it is your life and happiness that is directly affected by her actions. She is only hurting you by not being honest with you, and I am sure she doesn't want to do that.

I wish you all the best, but now might be the time to move on...I forgot who said it earlier, but there are lots of people in the world who we "click" with...if you found love once, I am sure you will find it again, only not at the cost of religion.

joannadandy

Oh yeah...can I also ask how long have you two been a couple?

cruzanheart

I am so sorry for you situation, because it sure sounds like you don't deserve that kind of treatment. But after reading posts here I'm sure you realize what a strange organization JWs are a part of and how hard it is to leave. It's a tough choice because you are indoctrinated to believe that if you leave, you die. Your sweetie can't make that decision and you are lucky to find that out BEFORE you got married. It would always be a wedge between you.

Please, though, save that "proposal in Venice" idea -- it's WONDERFUL!!!!

Nina

Charmed

I am so sorry and I do know what you must be feeling. I was once just like the girl that you so deeply love. I left the love of my life for three months...no calls, no visits, no emails, nothing. I totally cut him out of my life because that's what the Elders told me that I had to do for Jehovah to forgive me. I was in hell. On the one hand, I didn't want to leave my family or all the friends I had known growing up my whole life. On the other hand, I didn't want to leave my honey. I didn't want to live in a world where no true unconditional love existed. I was deeply depressed and even attempted suicide several times.

Eventually, the love of my life emailed me a nasty drunken letter claiming my religion was a cult and that I was brainwashed. Well, I had to defend the "truth," so I emailed back defending myself and my religion. This ended up opening the door for more communication and eventually he introduced me to Crisis of Conscience and sites like this one, although not this one in particular. Now, we are going on 2 years happily married. It was not easy, and I would never wish that hell on my worst enemy.

I don't know if your story can have such a good ending, but I think that if it's meant to be it will find a way to work itself out. I am so sorry this is happening to you. My heart is with you and even with the girl who had to give up such a wonderful man. ((((hugs))))

I never thought in a million years..

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