Just a few hours ago I took my wife (uber) to the hall with eats she had prepared as the cong are doing some work there.
I had not set foot onto the kh property in years and my stomach went into a knot as I did. Well what happened?
Nothing... but what went through my mind was the thousand taunts I had suffered, of dress, the endless elderette gossip at large, the complaints about my kids when little, others' kids being 'perfect', the countless barbs.
- Being marked for suggesting some matter during the wt study,
- for speaking from my heart,
- copping the ridicule from elders who all think they are standup comedians
- of seeing others made small by the same so they don't comment at all.
- Seeing kids grow up then leave disconsolate or be dfd at the prime of their lives crushed by this monster machine and then shunned.
- When one of our baby nearly died no elder would visit the hospital as they had convention parts to prepare.
- When years later my own health collapsed again no one came near.
why did we stay the distance I blame myself. We all could write pages of ghastly experiences out of the wt that have life long affected us as indeed many here have but today I have had wounds torn open
- and learning of course when adults of the abuse that occurred against my kids when little.
Pulling reserves of strength I never knew I had to help others to take active part in the ARC on the phone immediately the elders twisted and turned in their evidence giving to inform the ARC of what they were doing. Even in this mighty work I fear the wt has slipped the net as the final reports don't mention the many occasions where the wt elders were found most seriously wanting in their evidence. These fine needles of fact will not be there for the politicians to ponder when they deliberate what will become law or not out of the commission so has the whole thing been a waste of time? No I don't believe it has perhaps I am wishing to see justice(!) to soon.
In the mean time I must now retreat from this site to heal.
Sorry Zeb that you have been so badly affected by them, they have so much to answer for. Have you had any counselling coz it might help you a bit? I hate what they've done and are doing tip people still and that they can just get away with it
Zeb, I hope you can also see the positive things about it, such as all the awareness that you have now about where all that comes from. You are out of that place and no longer waiting for them to behave the way they claim they do. I hope that now you have or can forge a better support system of people who really care.
And I hope one day you get to the place where you can just pass by them and can't care less about anything regarding them one way or another. meanwhile, there are people here who know well what you're going through and understand.
I don't think it's "tuya culpa".
Hang in there Zeb. I have been through much of the same mental anguish as you. Those are the same things that turned me off years before I finally had the last straw.
I don't understand why you have chosen to shun us?
Sorry Zeb this cult psychologically makes people mentally crippled and a bit insane.
Sorry you had to go down the terrible memories lane.
The thing that strikes me when I ever set foot near them is how tiny and inconsequential the whole thing seems.
It's like you've been taught that the company you worked for was THE leading retailer in the world and one day you realize you've just been selling someone's malformed home-baked cookies by the roadside and only the coyotes and homeless people are really interested.
One day you'll come across people who think they are leaders in the cookie business and know they are completely deluded as you once were. But now you can focus on more important things.
That's what always get me. They spend billions of dollars and countless hours knocking on empty doors. I think they would probably save more lives by looking after the members they have already got. I just feel sorry for the frail little old sister in a nursing home who every one has forgot.
Only 3 people could be bothered to knock on my door, when I was fading. Interestingly 2 of those 3 were out in FS service and left me with the latest mags. To be honest at the time I was happy to see them and it was close to lunch time so I gave them some lunch. About half way through they had to up and leave as there was this interested person down the road who may want to have a bible study. After they left I could help but think of the saying " it takes 3 times the amount of work to get a new customer than what it takes to keep an existing one happy.
I hope you find much peace and quiet on your road to healing.
As for this part
Even in this mighty work I fear the wt has slipped the net as the final reports don't mention the many occasions where the wt elders were found most seriously wanting in their evidence. These fine needles of fact will not be there for the politicians to ponder when they deliberate what will become law or not out of the commission so has the whole thing been a waste of time?
...maybe it didn't give the immediate result you (and all of us) hoped for. The ARC had a different goal. It's aimed at getting the general picture so lawmakers could act.
However, the efforts you and many others put in the ARC were not in vain with regards to WBTS. For example, the ARC transcripts and concluding reports on the JW cases are used in the Netherlands to show the government that JW leaders cannot be trusted to respond honestly when under fire. To be able to prove that is of great value. For (those fighting for) victims of child abuse it makes the difference between [coming across as a mean spirited ex member with an axe to grind, falsely accusing honest clergymen of lying or hiding evidence] or [being seen as an honest concerned party who has to battle a machinery of JW leaders distorting the truth]. The commission that will be formed to investigate JW child abuse in NL has a different goal than the ARC. It will be JW specific. And whatever positive results come from it, it will be partly by your hand.
Your efforts are traveling both the world and the years. Thank you so much for all that!
I hope you find peace of mind quickly and indefinite!