Do you think x-JW's need a crutch?

by digderidoo 10 Replies latest jw friends

  • digderidoo

    I have thought this for a while...that when you leave the org, it's as though a vaccuum needs to filled.

    When i left i threw myself into politics, it was as if i needed something to do with my mind and thoughts. Now i was on my own, what do i do? This lasted about three years or so, but even now i drink more than perhaps i should, as though i can escape through drink. I also from time to time do drugs, cannabis, ecstasy, speed....nothing harder.

    My best friend left about 3 years ago, he now is a total pothead, smokes to kingdom come (pardon the expression), it's hard to believe he's 34 and smokes like he does morning, noon and night. My brother left about 6 or 7 years ago, he obsessively throws himself into his work, unhealtherly so, he even missed out at the last minute a night for his 30'th birthday just because of work.

    I have come to the conclusion that certain people need a crutch to get themselves through life, as some sort of escape. There is no doubt about it that the WTBTS screws you up, the org in itself was an escape from the real world, so do others find something to use as an escape, drugs, drink, politics, work, etc?


  • Makena1

    Good question/topic. Some might call it a crutch, others (like me) would say its more like, "I have a lot more time on my hands and I am making up for LOST time".

    For many months after we stopped attending, we did very little on the weekends. Almost like we didn't know what to do with ourselves since we were not going out in service, prepping for meetings, attending meetings etc. Finally, we said - what are we waiting for, Armageddon? NOPE!

    Now we enjoy free weekends of golf, tennis or skiing, even washing the car/truck. Working out, clubbing, traveling, playing music, going to apostafests, reading non-JW fiction and non-fiction, putting more effort into my job - and best of all more time with my wife and son.

    I actually used to drink more when I was a dub = stress. I do partake in some smoke, but only in moderation.

    I have nothing against crutches as long as no lasting harm is done.

    Just ramblin',


  • jgnat

    I hate the word crutch. As if everybody has to be strong all the time. I think it is a natural part of life that we lean on others sometimes.

    I think the trick is, on who or what are we leaning? Is it healthy?

  • digderidoo

    Hear what your saying makena, there is a need to make up for lost time, i feel as though i missed out on my youth, so i made up for it when i left, i was around 25 and for a good 3 or 4 years i overcompensated the fact.

    But i guess what i'm trying to say is that the org was an escape from the big wide world, it served as a haven for us. But now, to escape this world, from my experience, i see xjws going wild, using drugs and drinks or some other ecapism to try to find a reality that the WTBTS would have made for them in the past.


  • Guest 77
    Guest 77

    Good post dig. The answer is simple, so do and some don't. I've been to hell a few times and it has served as a good experience. I always manage to learn something in what I do. It's easy for someone to say get a life, but to serve as a model, it's a different story. Mak has given you a lot to think about. My suggestion is, allow for your mistakes and misjudgments and keep plugging along even if it's at a snail's pace. Engage in POSITIVE activities. Take care.

    Guest 77

  • Prisca

    I think it just depends on the person. Some people thrive once they escape the Borg, others have a life of misery. We are in all different types of circumstances, so our exit will affect us in different ways.

    To me, leaving the Borg is like stepping outside from living in a stuffy room all my life, and taking a breath of fresh air for the first time ever. I find life exciting, exilarating, sometimes scary, but always an opportunity to learn something new. I now have time on my hands that I didn't have before, so I've used it to do other things, such as gardening.

    Do I need a crutch? If I do, I think it's because of other events in my life that have affected my world even more so than the JWs.

  • Tashawaa


    Ditto. For me it was a breath of fresh air - a release to freedom to live and explore my life. I've been balanced. I find that I'm a "volunteer". I've did 3 charities last year, and I'm already involved in the MS Society this year.

    I think its trying to "find yourself". What do you like, dislike, agree with, believe???? etc. after all those years of being told what to believe, do, etc. Perhaps some still immerse themselves in things that won't allow them to explore (for whatever reasons - fear?!?!) as a sort of "escapism".

    One thing I've learned is you can't force others to see things as you do - we're all on our own journey, and we all have our own comfort levels.

    Concentrate on yourself, where are you? What are you doing, learning, etc? You may feel concerns for your friends/family that may be doing harmful things, but than again, you're not them. They may be doing what they need to do at this point in their lives.

    My 2 cents.

  • freedom96

    I think it is a persons individual personality that requires a "crutch." I don't think it has anything to do directly with being a witness.

  • jgnat

    I don't think it is the need for a "crutch" that has some XJW's picking a destructive path afterwards. It is more like, as some have said here, going wild after being oppressed for so long. Totalitarian regimes at least maintain order, even if it is imposed externally. Remove the order, and some people show no restraint. We are seeing a prime example on the news right now. Russia was the same.

    Freedom is a beautiful thing. Along with that freedom comes the responsibility to learn self-restraint.

  • rocketman

    For me, it was a matter of doing some things I just didn't have time to do. Reading (other than jw lit), watching a sporting event on TV, doing a better job of maintaining my home.

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