Should we or shouldn't we?...JW family member's graduation..advice please

MoeJoJoJo

My husband's sister is graduating this year. She called and was excited to let us know when her graduation party is planned for. His parents called the very next day and said maybe it would be a good idea if my hubby who is DA'd not attend. However, our kids and I are more than welcome to attend.(since I am not DF or DA) They know my stand though; how I feel about the org.

Everyone from their hall is invited (we also used to attend that same hall years ago), but they also invited 'worldly' family. If we went, we could just socialize with them.

My hubby wants to go, he has more of a right to be there than the witnesses do.....If he doesn't attend, isn't that going to be a bad witness for the witnesses? Especially, when the 'worldly' family members ask where my husband is and I'd have to say, "oh, he wasn't invited". I know they would ask why. I would think that would be really embarassing for the witnesses.

I really don't want to go without him. I don't know what to do, I feel like we should be there though.

What's your advice, what should we do in this situation?

blondie

His parents called the very next day and said maybe it would be a good idea if my hubby who is DA'd not attend.

Moejo, I guess it depends on his parents. Would they make a scene? If so, I doubt it would be fun for anyone. If they would be uncomfortable, but would accept it if he stayed with the "worldly" family, it might be possible. I would suggest that your family travel with some of the "worldly" family to make sure they are there when you arrive to associate with.

Blondie

goofy

Honesty, I wouldn't go. I would send a gift and regrets. If I were married and my husband was not welcome, I could not go and if he does go, your husband will just hurt by their actions.

jgnat

His parents called the very next day and said maybe it would be a good idea if my hubby who is DA'd not attend.

What an insulting statement. I, too, would refuse an invitation like this if my spouse was excluded. Who invited you? His sister or his parents? How about telling the sister you regret turning down the invitation, but you just don't feel it is right if you went and he couldn't. Tell her you are very excited about her graduating, and perhaps the three of you could go out to dinner privately to celebrate.

sandy

maybe it would be a good idea if my hubby who is DA'd not attend

I think everyone thus far had given you good advice. But keep in mind they did say "maybe" so they didn't come right out and say your husband is not invited and cannot attend.

Personally I wouldn't feel comfortable around the Jdubs. But I understand your situation. I am trying to decide if I going to attend my little sister's graduation this year too.

Thanks for the post it is helping me too.

Granny Linda

GO!!! Prepare yourself emotionally for any possible fallout (stay nice and calm) while the JW's do their unloving thing which is a testimony - and reminder of why your hubby da. Damn, I am sick of those friggen two-faced hyprocrite *astards!

Who the heck called with the invitation anyhow, eh. Not only go, but maybe you could give the biggest bouquet of flowers, the biggest card, the biggest everything; especially a smile, and really watch them wiggle in their own discomfort. I'd best shut up because it's things like this that just get my blood to boiling. Screw em.

granny

AGuest

Dearest Moejo... the greatest of peace to you... and may I respond? Thank you!

Everyone else here has a point, even good ones in some instances; however, such points don't matter. What DOES matter is the guest of honor and HER wishes. Thus, irregardless of what your in-laws and/or others may want and/or say... and what some here may advise you to do... in TRUTH... you only have ONE person's wishes to consider... and it is that of the graduate herself, the GUEST OF HONOR.

And so, you must out what SHE wants. If she wants your family, including her brother, to attend, would it be a loving thing to decline... just for the sake of your comfort and that of others? What about your love for her? In this instance, forget about the others: you would not be attending to "honor" them anyway!

On the other hand, if she is the type that would feel pressured by the nay-sayers, so that she could not enjoy her party, and thus asks you (lovingly) not to attend, then again, love would dictate your action: do you really want to be a PART of making the guest of honor feel ill-at-ease, particularly when you know it's not really what she wants, but feels no choice? How would your love for HER dictate you respond? And in this instance, too, forget about the others because you would be staying AWAY for them!

What to do? Simple: ask the guest of honor what SHE wants... and "honor" it. That's it; that's all. And either way, FORGET about everyone else and what they "want," "wish," "think"... or say. Because they cannot, by such wanting, wishing, thinking, and/or saying... add... or take away... ONE cubit from your life span.

Again, I bid you peace.

Your servant, and a slave of Christ,

SJ

Big Tex

His parents called the very next day and said maybe it would be a good idea if my hubby who is DA'd not attend.

That's where I'm out. If I am not welcome someplace, I am not showing up. If my wife were not welcome, then I am not going. They are "inviting" just for the graduation present. It doesn't sound like they really care about you or your husband.

Would your husband feel good about you going without him? I just ask because that might be a deciding factor.

Good luck.

Scully

It is your sister-in-law's graduation. She invited you and her brother to HER party. HOW DARE her parents "uninvite" someone she wants to be there.

You didn't mention if she was graduating from High School or College or University, but I'm guessing High School.

Since her parents felt compelled to go behind her back to uninvite your husband/her brother/their son, perhaps you should contact the young lady and explain what has transpired. Then you and your husband can take her (without the parents) out for dinner to a nice restaurant to congratulate her. She won't feel slighted that you declined the invitation (she will be mad at her parents for "uninviting" you), and you won't feel obliged to put in an appearance to somewhere you aren't really welcome, and you will still be able to celebrate a special day with a special member of the family, without any JW bull$h!t going on in the background.

Love, Scully

MoeJoJoJo

Thank you all for your input. (To clarify things: It is high school that my sister-in-law is graduating and yes, she did give the initial invitation)

I appreciate each person's perspective. I'm still not sure what to do yet. The party is set for June so we have time to think about what to do. I agree that it would be very awkward if we were to attend. I like the idea of taking her to dinner and giving her a gift then (thanks jgnat & scully). I would hope her parents wouldn't have anything negative to say about that.

I think we should follow Aguest’s advice first, and call her up and ask her what she wants, we could ask what she would feel more comfortable with(taking her to dinner or attending the party).

Then again, I would like for the worldly family to see how JWs treat people who have left the religion (one worldly family member is currently studying with JWs), if we attended the party, they would get a first-hand witness. If we do go to the party, I liked blondie’s advice to travel with some worldly family members. And Granny’s advice to bring flowers(the biggest), along with a gift and a big smile.

BTW, you guys are great, I'm glad I asked the question & sandy, hope things go well for you and your similar situation.

Should we or shouldn't we?...JW family member's graduation..advice please

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