Lunch today with.. JW step father....

by raven 31 Replies latest jw experiences

  • KiddingMe

    I am glad your lunch went well. Continue to tread lightly in future lunches.

  • smiddy

    Raven you handled yourself well with your step-father ,I`m glad that your fears were`nt realised .

    I hope yor relationship with him continues to respect each others beliefs.

    Of course he may just be testing the waters whether he can entice you back into the Org.and if that becomes obvious he cant ,then his true motives might surface .

    I hope not,

  • Alostpuppydog

    He is testing the waters... Seeing if he will float or sink with you when he slowly flings JW malarchy at you. That's why he did it already. Just know it's coming.

  • WingCommander

    Are you freakin' serious? This guy TURNED YOU IN TO THE ELDERS, like a snitch going to the Gestapo, and you are going to have lunch with him? WHY? In the future, I'd just say, "No!!!" Who needs a JW snitch in their lives, to create more drama and subject you to emotional and spiritual abuse, all the while snooping in your personal life? Fugg that!! I'd have been done with him after the betrayal, because that's exactly what he did to you, betrayed you for his CULT. Un-be-lievable.

  • OrphanCrow
    WC: This guy TURNED YOU IN TO THE ELDERS, like a snitch going to the Gestapo, and you are going to have lunch with him? WHY?

    Ooohhh. I missed that part.

    In that case, I totally agree with WingCommander.

    When a person shows you who they are, you should believe them. I didn't realize this is the jerk who gave you so much trouble, Raven. By going for lunch with your step-father, you are repeating past victim patterns.

    If you don't want to be a victim, you have to change your behavior. He won't - you have no indication that he has changed and any little thoughts you have about this being a warm and cuddly reuinion is simply wishful thinking on your part - exactly like a victim behaves.

    Don't want to be a victim anymore? Then stop thinking that someone, who has abused and mistreated you in the past, will change. " will be better this time..."

    If you still desire to have a relationship with someone who has treated you so badly...then I guess you still have some life lessons to learn. Keep is hard to stand up for yourself when you don't realize how strong you actually are.

    You made your post looking for advice so here is my advice to you - make up an excuse that you are busy if he calls again and then go out and do something nice for yourself. With people who don't try to trap you back into their deceitful lifestyle.

    You will remain a victim as long as you keep acting like one. Going for lunch with this guy is victim behavior.

  • kairos

    Cut off all future contact.

    JWs will turn on you without a moments notice.
    My life changed dramatically after just one phone call with my elder brother-in-law of 20 years.

    They have loyalty to the filthy ORG ahead of you.
    They have no mercy and will discard you without a second thought.

    ( you know, like Christ would have been )

    If you haven't DA'd, you may want to.
    Then you can live a productive life without ever looking over your shoulder for disgusting elders.

  • raven

    SCRATCHME1010- I agree with you, I think that is part of what the cult has done to us is instill paranoia.. Its difficult to overcome but I am trying to move past that, I suppose that we just keep our guard up with active JW's.. During lunch, I did not give out any personal information, I didn't even give away my new address.. ( the elders were stalking me at the old one ) I just feel I will always have to tread lightly with step father, or even any JW if I come into contact with one.

    SMIDDY & ALOSPUPPYDOG- Thank you, I hope so too in due time. However, I do believe he is trying to test the waters.. I honestly believe he sees me as "getting away with it" because I avoided the elders at all costs and never returned their calls or invites to Judicial Meetings so that they could catch me and disfellowship me.

    WINGCOMMANDER & ORPHANCROW- Yes yes I know.. I had(have?) some very bitter feelings towards him.. I just try to not think about it, it's in all honesty a very confusing situation. But, I did get a free lunch out of it? Like I mentioned, I tread lightly with him.. This was our first meeting since he had reported me.. He didn't mention anything about it, he didn't talk about elders. BUT like others have said, he is probably testing me. I'm aware of it though.

    KAIROS- I understand your point, and I definitely agree.. I have already been thrown under the bus by my own mother.. I don't trust these folks for a second, I do have wishful thinking though.. Do you think it would be worth it to DA at this point? Or just go on like I have been, faded, and dodged the elders. ( They have not contacted me since August, however I did move to a different home, the new owners of my previous house have probably noted "return to sender" if the elders have dropped any mail )

  • OrphanCrow
    raven: Yes yes I know.. I had(have?) some very bitter feelings towards him.. I just try to not think about it, it's in all honesty a very confusing situation.

    It is time you stopped ignoring your feelings. You should be bitter and you should be angry. There is nothing wrong with being angry when someone has treated you badly. Nothing at all - nurture your anger and make friends with it - know what it means and stop stuffing it down. It is your anger and you have earned it. Experience your anger, taste it, feel it and embrace it - be human. Anger won't destroy you - it will make you whole.

    The situation isn't really that confusing. You are too close to it to see how simple it really is. Distance yourself. Stop putting yourself back into that confusing situation. You need distance and time to process what has happened or you will find yourself, if not back in the same situation, in another one just like it. You need time to adjust your 'template' or that victim pattern will continue to plague you for the rest of your life.

    Good luck, Raven, and go find some good, kind, and honest people to hang out with. Life is short and it is a waste of time investing in relationships that are unhealthy for you.

  • kairos

    To DA is your decision only.
    I look back and wish I did five years ago when I first started sniffing around.
    I no longer was reaching out. Wished I wasn't a MS and was not interested in being an elder at all. I've been away from the meetings for over three years, now. Df'd for 15 months. Now I have peace.

    JWs are no longer relevant to me.

  • LongHairGal


    I can't tell your age or your circumstances. Are you an adult, and/or are you financially dependent on this step-dad? Do you "need" a relationship with this person to keep peace in your family?

    You met with him once and broke the ice and that should be sufficient. This is polite enough.

    But, no more. He's the rat who turned you in. If you hate confrontation, the next time he calls, don't answer. Text him back saying: "Sorry, but it's not necessary to have lunch. Thanks for your generosity"...Then ignore any further communications...End this.

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