I finally let her have it...

by Wolfgirl 12 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Wolfgirl

    My sister made me incredibly angry yesterday. I sent her a politely worded message asking for her why she had waited 4 days to give an important message to my gran (who doesn't have email, and I don't have a phone line for long-distance).

    Among other things, this is what I got back:

    "I am tired of you treating me this way. I am a human being, too."


    Don't make me laugh. I'm the shunned one. Here was my reply:

    I will reply to this at the weekend. I'm too angry to answer you right now. Perhaps you should reconsider your words. After all, I'm the one who isn't being treated like a human being, let alone a member of the family.

    No, come to think of it, I'm going to answer this now. It'll probably spoil whatever chances I have of ever seeing Christopher again, but I just can't believe what you just said.

    You know full well that the Bible doesn't agree with completely shunning your family members because they have made a different decision than you have. Jesus still associated with his family members when they didn't believe in him, and he's the son of God. Why should you be any different? The Bible says that he that doesn't love his brother isn't capable of loving God. Now, you SAY you love me, and I think you probably believe that. But you certainly don't treat me in a loving manner. You can't even be bothered to sign your emails, "Love, Wendy" anymore. I've been watching. I sign, "Love, Lisa" and get an abrupt answer in return. What the family has done to me is not love at all, and you know it. You choose to do what someone tells you to do, without even checking to see if that's really what the principles in the Bible say. You choose to act as if no one else did anything wrong.

    I can speak my mind just as easily as you can. You're my sister, I should be able to tell you anything. But I've been holding back what I really know, because it would destroy your world you have so carefully built around you, and I love you too much to do that to you. If I told you what I really know and what has really been going on, you would go into shock. You would not be able to function, and one of two things would happen. You'd either spiral into confusion like I did when the truth came out for me (you don't know the half of it), or you'd push me even farther away in disbelief.

    Well, I'm your sister. I love you. You choose. You can stay happily blind to the truth, and pull what you have left around you, which means pretending like you don't even have a sister who loves you. Or you can choose to treat me like a family member should.

    You know what I was like as a JW. Yes, I made mistakes, but so did you. You know how hard I worked, how much I studied, how often I pioneered, how hard I tried. And you know that I am now married, so I obvioulsy am no longer doing what I was disfellowshipped for. So you should know, if I haven't gone back, there's a really REALLY good reason for it.

    You decide whether you want to know it or not. But I will not be told that you aren't being treated like family when the entire family pretends like I don't exist.

    I love you.


    I edited out a few bits about my family that would mean nothing to you. :)

  • Wolfgirl

    Sorry about the formatting. It went wonky.

  • Realist

    Hello wolfgirl,

    excellent letter!

    I hope your sister comes to grips with reality at one point!!

    Wish you the best!!!


  • gold_morning


    They just don't get it, because they don't understand. I too worked so very hard.....earning my love and salvation.

    Ephesians 2:8

    "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith.... and this not from yourselves, IT IS A GIFT OF GOD... NOT BY WORKS, so that no one can boast."

    Titus 3:5

    "he saved us, NOT because of the rightious things we had done, but because of his mercy."

    I recall reading Matthew 23:4 and it really hit home with me........"They tie up heavy loads and put them on men's shoulders.......what a contrast to Matthew 11:30......"Take my yoke upon you.....for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. My yoke is EASY and my burden light."

    She is acting the way she does because she is carrying a very heavy burden. Remeber that phrase????....having a monkey on your back?

    Take heart....everyday JW's are seeing the light.

    agape love, Gold_moring

    If you need to talk wolf feel free to e-mail me at [email protected]

  • Prisca

    ((((wolfgirl)))) I can empathise with you. I hope your sister will come to her senses and start treating you as family.

  • rocketman

    Wow, what a powerful letter wolfgirl. Very well spoken. I hope your sister gives the matter serious thought and changes her behavior toward you.

    In my family, my mom had been df'd for a good number of years. None of her jw children living outside the home shunned her, even though pressure was applied to the elders. My sister and her husband were both given a very hard time about not shunning her, but they refused to cave into the elders' demands, and were of course told they were anti-Society and all that crap.

  • rocketman

    oops, that should have read "pressure was applied BY the elders".

  • Jesika


    Well, I must say, you were alot nicer then some of us would have been.

    Great letter!!!! Hope she will understand one day what you were trying to tell her.


  • be wise
    be wise

    Wow, what a nice genuine letter, you couldn't have put it better. I hope she can see through all the smog and come to her senses. By the way I thought the elders weren't supposed to get involved, they did with my family and circumstances but I thought that was an exception. Maybe they're making a nasty habbit of this.

  • Wolfgirl

    Thanks for your comments and support, guys. :) I haven't gotten a reply yet, which means one of two things. Either she hasn't checked her email yet, which is entirely possible as she doesn't check them more than once or twice a week, or she has gotten it and is ignoring it. That's also very possible, because she did that when my husband sent her a message. He said he didn't understand a religion that would tell you to shun your family members, and used a couple of scriptures to prove his point. She told me later that she didn't respond because he was "rude." Of course, she didn't know that I had seen the message he sent, and he was extremely polite. She just didn't like the truth. :)

    I'll keep you updated if I get a response. :)

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