Disassociation and being young, experiences?

by Kohanic 12 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Kohanic

    Ok so Im new here~ Hey-yo!

    I found this site cause I've been looking around at experiences of people leaving 'the Truth' as I've been wanting to leave for some time now. It's interesting as y'know I'd never seen it from the other side as its apostate literature and all that jazz lol.

    I'm 20 and living with my JW family, been baptized (half-heartedly) for 6 years, and in my final stretch of college. Got a bf in Van (secret) and I was wondering how you guys either DA'd yourself while living with your family or did you wait till you moved out. Cause I dunno if I want to wait till I can afford to move out but at the same time, Im wondering if I'll get kicked out as my step dad and I don't get along.

    What did you guys do, Im curious~

  • stan livedeath
    stan livedeath

    hi--welcome to the site.

    i da'd at 23--but that was a lifetime ago.

    we have had several young first timers on here in the last few days.

  • Giordano

    Hi Kohanic and welcome to the site.

    I love that you are getting higher education and have a hidden boyfriend.

    Keep everything on the down low until you have established a life style that is not dependent on your parents.

    You have three un JW choices. You can fade away from meetings and the friends. You can DA yourself with a formal letter or you can be DFed especially possible because of your boyfriend.

    I am somewhat biased against DAing yourself mainly because they announce it from the podium and say 'So in So is no longer a Jehovah's Witness' this lumps you in with all the riff raff like perverts, drunks, druggies, fornicators etc. that have been DF .

    My wife and I faded............this was some 50 years ago. In those days they weren't so into shunning as they are now.

    Moving out of the area can be a big help,

    A couple of things.....never meet with two Elders. Do not reveal anything to your witness family or friends cause they will be the first ones to turn you in.

    Do understand that friendships and family in the JW world is conditional on believing as they do.

  • dubstepped

    Disassociating is for you, not them, so who cares how they announce you. It is an atom bomb dropped on everything you knew. My wife and I did it and it was the best decision we ever made. It is immediate freedom. You no longer have to play their games like most who fade. You will lose everyone though. Don't fool yourself like some do into thinking that somehow you'll keep JW friends or family. It can happen but is the exception, not the rule.

    With that said it's a very serious decision and it is a bell that you cannot un-ring. Once you do it there's no going back so you had better be sure.

    You very well may get kicked out. Be patient unless something is on fire. Establish yourself apart from them. You have the rest of your life ahead of you.

    Oh, and welcome to the forum!

  • stuckinarut2


    Remember that the only power the org has over you is that which you allow.

    So, don't play by their rules. You don't need to DA. Simply stop attending if you don't want to.

    Then, live a happy and successful life!

  • joe134cd

    I'm not a big fan of DA. It creates a whole lot of unecessary drama. Hence I've opted not to do it. If you wish to keep ties with immediate family, fading is the best option.

  • moreconfusedthanever

    Considering you are still at home I would keep it quiet until you have a plan and means of escape - somewhere to go and be able to fend for yourself.

    As has already been said, if you have family and friends that you still want to be able to speak to then just move out when you can and stop attending meetings.

  • Kohanic

    Sweet a lot of nice comments here~ Feeling very welcomed hehe.

    As for DAing I figured I'd slip up and be found out at some point and get DF'd anyway so I'm not too concerned about that. I don't really have friends as I'm naturally super quiet and haven't found anyone interesting enough to actually talk to. There is definitely a huge disconnect between someone who is 'spiritual' and someone who relies on logic.

    I suppose I'll just stay on the down-low for now till I finish my course and get a full time job and a place to rent. Keep hearing about that 'promise to regular pioneer for a year' by literally everyone. God that's so annoying. Keep talking about how pioneering isn't for everyone but "oh look a young person, which means you have nothing better you could want to do then talk to people for 70 hours a month". Bleh.

    Anyway you'll hear more from me cause I'll hang around and I like knowing things~

  • smiddy3

    Welcome kohanic ,whatever you do don`t show your hand to your family or to anyone in the congregation.

    Keep your hand close to your chest and don`t let anyone see it.

    Explanation :

    These are good tips for poker players ,as well as don`t give your intentions away by body language or facial expressions.

    In other words do not let others know what your intentions are before you decide what to do with your life.

    You say you are still at home and are not yet ready to venture out on your own ,then the sensible thing here is do not let anyone know your intentions. Right ?

    And if you do not want to cause rifts with your parents/guardians do not advertise what you intend to do beforehand.

    Wait until you have everything under control and are prepared to make the break , even then do you have to make an issue out of your break ?

    Why make a statement about anything ,just leave when the time comes without feeling the need to explain yourself .

    You don`t owe an explanation to anyone either family or church/Elders etc. anyone .

  • jaydee

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