thanks for all the support guys. it's nice to hear that i'm in control. even though at times it's easy to forget. to qwerty, no, i'm in the states. to ashitaka, i never thought about them putting the burden on themselves. that concept was foreign to me. sort of still is. i guess it will take more time and more reflection to get rid of the guilt and the blame i place on myself. i know the jw mindset is still there. but i'm trying to break free. thanks again to all of you. this forum helps me to understand myself, why i think the way i do, and gives me the support i need to keep on keepin on. oh oh...someones knocking...i don't dare look.... yikes!
i got a not so unexpected call today
it was them...wow!!!! i ignored it though. how many times must i do that?!!
can you believe it? another jw stopped by. i didn't even hear the knock. she saw me as i passed the door. i told her i was on my way to the bathroom, and couldn't wait...hehehe....sheesh!
I have Caller ID, it comes in handy. Just make sure you have all the elder names and numbers programmed in first!..........
I even know their cars and license plate numbers. If they pass on my street, I know their cars. I just don't answer when they come. They don't phone me though. But if they do door to door on my street, I know all their cars, and I will take another route if I see them.
Ash took the words out of my mouth. Don't those JW's place self-imposed restriction upon themselves? They do so because they continue following the dictates of the WTBTS, so remember to go easy on yourself. Remember what shame is, and how people use it to disspell their own guilt feelings while making everyone else out to be the bad guy. They are responsible for their choices, just the same as we are. We just acknowledge our choice...they have to justify their's. Ya know, Gods will and all that happy horse shit.
The only authority that these elders have over you, is that which you give them. You are under no obligation to speak with them. If they do catch you unawares (either by phone or at the door), then just tell them that now is not a good time, and that you will get back to them. This is what I did, and they didn't bother me after that. Fortunately they respected what I said, and since I never called them back, they never contacted me.
I know the feelings you get when they are at your door, or when the phone rings unexpectedly, and you think it may be them. But over time this will pass. Just remember that they are nothing special, and you don't have to speak to them if you don't want to.