Help Men Feed on Christ The Living Bread/JOHN BEHEADED 5000 FED

by gitasatsangha 11 Replies latest social humour

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  gitasatsangha

  Former JW kids, how did you survive the endless hours of meetings?

  When I was a kid the part of that Kingdum song that goes "Help Men Feed on Christ The Living Bread" always made me think of some poor anthropomorphic slice of pumpernickel being devoured by people in dress clothes. Ok, it still does.

  Another one that gave me a laugh was one of the by-lines at the top of the older NWT. They always had little descriptions of what was going on at the top of each page of the bible. sometimes they ran out of space and had to get creative. My favorite was:

  JOHN BEHEADED 5,000 FED

  And of course any sexual reference was a hoot. Making odd faces at the poor brother trying to trudge through "With her breasts may you be intoxicated at all times/a lovable hind and a charming mountain goat/"

  What stuff did you find especially funny?
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  gitasatsangha

  Lordy I am not only a thread killer, but a thread persona non grata.
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  unclebruce

  Lordy I am not only a thread killer, but a thread persona non grata

  Bullshit Git! - I'm the thread killer around these parts - I read your post - just run outta smartarse stuff to say is all! and the other blokes are "mess'n with yer mind"

  cheers, unclebruce

  .. then forward you Gitnesses ever strong of heart ...
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  nilfun

  A few ways we JW kids survived the boredom:

  My siblings and I would make unflattering drawings of the dear brothers and sisters...with all the literature supplied by the faithful and discrete slave, we never ran out of sketch paper...and since the sketches were pretty dead-on, we'd get the giggles...then we would get in trouble.

  We would play "spot the celebrity look-alike" at assemblies & conventions...also, my younger brothers would obnoxiously clap louder and longer than the rest of whatever section we'd be sitting in...one of my brothers (a natural-born leader) could sometimes keep our section clapping for a good loooooooooong time...

  Fighting over the armrests...all that covert jabbing and elbowing for ownership of that highly coveted armrest could really whittle away the time...
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  RAYZORBLADE

  No matter how hard you tried to keep a straight face and follow the meetings to a T, one still tried to humour themselves.

  I remember when we'd look at brothers and sisters in the Kingdom Hall and take the first letter of their first names, and switch them around. Gail and Rob > Gob and Rail.

  Or, scriptures read a particular way: ".....Stephen was stoned..."

  Well you know damn well what we were thinking.

  We'd do stuff like that, put emphasis on the wrong syllables etc., and try to make our meetings somewhat more bearable.
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  anti-absolutist

  To help make the boring assemblies go a little faster, during the lunch breaks I would sit with my friends, watch people from afar and put words in their mouth based on their hand and face expressions. The most common topic to pretend they were saying was sexual. I actually got pretty good at it, giving a lot of other young, bored JW's a break from their lonely existence.

  Hell, you don't have to be at a convention to do it. Try it sometime at a party or gathering. It's fun.

  Brad
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  blackout

  My siblings and I would make unflattering drawings of the dear brothers and sisters...with all the literature supplied by the faithful and discrete slave, we never ran out of sketch paper...and since the sketches were pretty dead-on, we'd get the giggles...then we would get in trouble.

  We would play "spot the celebrity look-alike" at assemblies & conventions...also, my younger brothers would obnoxiously clap louder and longer than the rest of whatever section we'd be sitting in...one of my

  We used to do those things too Nilfun, also we had a brother whose name sounded like lesbian, we used to giggle every time he was called on to answer up.
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  Matty

  MMMMM! Christ the Living Bread!
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  Ed

  Inside the front cover of the song book, there is a large picture of some Israelite men, probably Levites, standing in a row singing. There's this one guy in particular who's really getting into it - he has his eyes closed, his mouth really wide open and his arms outstretched dramatically. We used to glue pictures of pizzas and Subway sandwiches onto the page between his hands... and, well, you get the idea.
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  NeonMadman

  There were a few good ones among the page headers in the NWT. One in particular that we used to have fun with read "Mass Sex Crime in Gibeah; All Israel Aroused."