All the Old JW Acquaintances Passing Away

StephaneLaliberte

Yesterday, my dad told me an older sister passed away. She wasn't too old (in her 60s), but I knew her 30 years ago and haven't seen her in 15 years; the main reason being that I faded 10 years ago.

Yesterday, I seriously considered attending the funeral and catch-up with old JWs I used to know. After thinking it over, I decided against it. I fear it could give older JWs a chance to reach out, try to convince me to return, and intrude on my "faded JW" status.

It's sad that I can't properly grieve someone I once liked due to the cult's dynamics. Now, as I think about others who passed away or are getting older, I realize I'll miss many funerals. These individuals played a significant role in my upbringing and contributed to who I am. Attending their funerals would show respect and appreciation. But the potential family drama and ultimately, even the risk of disfellowshipping, outweigh my responsibility to pay respects.

All to say that even after 10 years of freedom, I'm reminded that I'm not truly free from that cult.

Phizzy

"All to say that even after 10 years of freedom, I'm reminded that I'm not truly free from that cult."

That is the problem, they have set things up that way. I have the same feelings as you about attending funerals of old JW acquaintances. But partly due to having been out longer than you, and my family circumstances, I really do not give a crap if they decided to DF me now, I don't think they would anyway, but I will attend a funeral if I want to, and see what happens.

All the best to you, but what a nasty Cult they are, to be able to still make you feel that way !

road to nowhere

Witness funerals are a recruiting talk. Very little about the deceased. I think people go for the ,(as you said), catching up and the buffet.

blondie

Good comments, I don't go to funerals either (or any other occasions with jws there,, a recruiting talk as road to nowhere says. To me it is like returning to the vomit. I don't even send a card or letter or similar. First, we must protect ourselves from known sources of toxic people, especially people that see the crap and stay.

joe134cd

Yes I’ve also been faded for about 10 years as well. It’s something that I have often thought about. There have been a couple of, who I still consider, friends who have passed away. I would have really have liked to attend their funerals. But just don’t want to be put back on the radar.

Get this. I have still been invited to jw barbecues through my father. There is just no way in hell I’m going to do that. Well at least with a degree of sobriety.

I think once my father, and his jw Brother die then that we’ll be it for having anything to do with jw relatives / friends or their events.

The only reason I’m as passive as I am with regard to the TTATT, is for the sake of my fathers physical and mental health.

slimboyfat

Personally, I would go. People might attempt to put pressure on, but then again maybe not, you might be surprised. I think a lot of JWs have mellowed. People who you liked and who liked you might just be pleased to see you. It depends on the specifics of the situation, but I do see the capacity of longtime JWs to acknowledge old connections with faded members without the need to turn it sour. But every situation is unique and different places probably have different cultures.

Ron.W.

My folks are on their last legs. So many of their peers have now passed away.

They couldn't make the recent assembly, so I emailed their congregation co-ordinator for the link for them to watch it remotely - he never even replied to them.

Their new co is visiting this week and the co-ordinator rang them, irritated for their reports - they are both housebound with cancer so I don't know what ministry he thinks they can do???

Then he says to my dad who can't function, is in pain and totally housebound, that he would pick him up and get him to the very important elders meeting with the c.o. on friday...

When my dad tried to kindly explain that he was too ill to attend the co-ordinator cut the call short and said he didn't have time to listen to all of my dad's health problems.

Utter bastards all of them.

They get no help or offers of help from anyone in their hall, but they are still undyingly loyal to the droids who attend...

DesirousOfChange

Many older ones here, for whom we had great respect have passed.

Word is they are getting their reward in Paradise via "the underground".

So sad that they wasted 30 or 40 or 50 or more years clinging to an empty hope.

Dagney

It's sad that I can't properly grieve someone I once liked due to the cult's dynamics.

I know. Since leaving I feel it's more important to honor the life, any life, that has ended. That is not the thought shared by JW's.

I zoom attended a very large memorial earlier in the year. I was super close to the family for years, and my JW family bent over backwards to make me aware of the memorial. It wasn't too bad and I'm not sorry I "attended" for the reason above.

On the other end of the spectrum, Aude and I attended a KH memorial a month ago for a relative of another poster from here. She said she could use the support and we were there for her. OMGoodness, it was truly a DREADFUL talk. Just dreadful. There were many nonJW relatives there and I was anxious for what was being said. I mean this speaker had a total disconnect from the crowd, going off into great detail about unacceptable behavior to Jehovah, mainly homosexuality. He used all the words. Thankfully I don't think it affected any of the relatives like it triggered me.

I know 99% of the JW's I've known for decades would not attend my memorial. I will attend one if I feel it's right for me to do. That's what alcohol is for.

joe134cd

Ron.W I can relate something very similar to your experience, at the lack of help a terminally ill JW received. The unbelieving husband of one the JW daughters, wasn’t impressed.

All the Old JW Acquaintances Passing Away

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