Tired of the truth... Tired of doubting

by Deltawave 27 Replies latest jw experiences

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  sporece

  Once you realize it's not the truth it's time for you to make your move and find a way to get out. You will go nuts trying to stick around going to meetings and trying to "fake it" in order to please the wife and others. There is a better life out there and that's leaving the organization and start a new life, the sooner the better.

  I was in the "truth"for 32 years, married for 26 years, an elder for 21 years, very active as a family but once i started having doubts in 2005 and doing research about the watchtower, realized it was nothing but a dangerous cult that has destroyed lives since 1870 i could not sit a meetings and going out in service any longer.

  My ex wife turned me in to the elders for having doubts and speaking against the " anointed ones ".

  Before the whole body of elders i denied it all and never got DF. My marriage fell apart and eventually i slowly faded. Two of my kids also pulled away.

  I was 57 when i left, never regretted it, found a wonderful woman that i live with and life is GOOD.

  Don't wait any longer, the sooner the better and stop pleasing others, take care of yourself.
  
• 

  FayeDunaway

  Deltawave. If I was you, and happily married, I would put it on the table for your wife. She already knows you have serious doubts. Now tell her this pretending is making you crazy, that you need to just stop. It will be very hard for her. But tell her how MUCH you love her and that she's the one for you, and that you are positive you will be a much happier person when you stop pretending. And then divide your extra time and energy to pursue things you want to do, and to show your wife how much you love her. Plan little weekend trips and do fun stuff together. Give her foot rubs. Seriously. Cook her meals! When you make love, take time to caress her whole body. Treat her like a princess. Because it will be a huge challenge for her to go to meetings and in service alone. To keep your marriage together and for the happiness of you both, do these things, and don't let up. She's going to see the improvement too, and that you're happier and NOT mentally ill.
• 

  BU2B

  I am in a similar boat. I have been fully awake since 2012. I have been through every stage you can be. Depression, anger, resentment, self medicating with alcohol etc. alcohol worked for a few months but eventually it makes things worse. I still attend most meetings because of my wife and occasional once a month FS for an hour. It's what i do to keep the peace until she wakes up or until I have enough strength to break free. I live with my wife and I can't stand for my home life to be that miserable. At first I researched day and night, read Ray Franz books, learned the true history of the org, blood issue, bible etc. I now know WHY they are wrong and have no more fear.

  Eventually I realized the whole bible is a fraud and am now agnostic! An agnostic with 2 young daughters and a fully in wife and parents.. Overwhelming if I let it be. I have given up trying to "wake up" my wife as I now realize this will only happen of her own accord. I try not to think about it too much.

  It's important to have a goal or some hope, if not real depression will set in. Work out, do fun things both with your family and alone, and enjoy life as best you can. Don't let this consume you. Don't let it destroy you. I think about those who have it worse and that helps too. Show love, which isn't always easy when struggling inside. Some days will be much harder than others, but keep pressing on. This forum has helped me so much, especially when first waking up
• 

  Tenacious

  Hello Deltawave - I can certainly understand your thinking, feelings, and anguish. I've been there and it's not a pleasant place. Take courage my brother! You are actually obeying Jehovah God in that you do not fear or adhere to the false teachings of the WTS. Keep your faith and pray to Jehovah for comfort.

  You are certainly not alone at all. Think of Jeremiah, Jonah, Noah, and Lot, and plenty others who were basically in the minority in their thinking and outlook and they were heavily persecuted and ridiculed.

  There is no better feeling than to be on the side of righteousness. Be well friend.
• 

  Crazyguy

  The wife thinks your mentally ill, it's about time you say and do some things differently!!!!
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  New day

  I also thought that I was going through a mental breakdown two years ago when I first started having doubts. One day I led the group in fs but when we got to the territory I used the odd number present to go on my own. While the others were knocking on doors I was sitting in my car, unable to bring myself to go. I have been out once or twice since, have resigned as an elder, and limp along as I have a bible study, with whom I actually try to stress general principles rather than specific jw doctrine. I have voiced some doubts to my wifem but she calls 'apostate' if it gets too close to the bone. Be careful out there!
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  Deltawave

  Thank you so much for all you really kind comments. I have mentioned a few of my doubts to my wife so she kind of knows some of my reasons.

  I am starting to fade but very slowly and subtly. I have also started doing proper charity work that actually helps people.

  I have been having professional help as I ended up in a statewhere I had no choice but to get it.

  I can't shake my doubts as I know TTATT but still kinda hope deep down inside that it isn't true and the troof is right.

  don't hold any privileges anymore as I have turned them all down.... So see what the future holds.

  Thank you so much for your support.
  
• 

  Sabin

  Deltawave this is a most unpleasant time for you & incredibly hard to come to terms with. You wrote you had a mental break down, 2 years isn't a very long time. I would not worry so about your wife at the moment. You don't have to go on ministry & you don't have to go to the meetings. Just explain to her that you need for your brain to rest so that it can heal. Help her to get organized to go then sit quietly have some alone time to relax. You arent well there is nothing wrong with that if those at the hall don't understand then they are the assholes, not you. Are you sleeping? this is very important we NEED sleep to function. If you feel you can face it see what is available in your area for counselling. Do what you can, try not to do what you cant or don't want to. SABIN.